The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 11 Part 2 Reviews

Time to head back to Stoneybrook to catch up with our favorite babysitters! Are you ready? Here we go.....

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the  Attic by Ann M. Martin. 

Circa: 1992.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*OMG! Mary Anne is actually in her attic hidey hole! At least her daddy allowed her to have a flashlight. Mary Anne's lucky she's an only child. If you find a creep named Christopher up there you better haul ass, Mary Anne!

Let's Review:
It's time for Heritage Day in Stoneybrook! Heritage Day is a made up holiday in which we celebrate our ancestors moving to Stoneybrook by making the elementary school students do research papers, write poems, perform skits and other assorted shit. While that sounds like one of the dullest holidays ever to me, the BSC is crazy excited about it. Except sad sack Mary Anne.
Because unlike the rest of the Baby-Sitters Club, Mary Anne's mother died when Mary Anne was just a baby and her dad is super controlling and refuses to tell her anything about her past. And Mary Anne is too much of a sad sack chicken shit to actually woman up and just demand that her dad tell her what she wants to know.
So Mary Anne roots through boxes in the attic to find anything she can about her past. What Mary Anne finds are pics of herself as a baby with two old people she's never seen before and letters written by these old people to her father. Mary Anne finds out that after her mother died of this mystery illness that no one ever names, her father sent her off to live with her mother's parents. So Mary Anne thinks that her dad didn't want her and instead of, i don't know, ASKING HIM ABOUT IT, Mary Anne mopes around for a week or so.
Then she accidentally picks up the phone while her father's talking to someone on it. That someone is Mary Anne's grandmother! And she wants Mary Anne back! But Mary Anne's father didn't have that hidey hole in the attic where he stores Mary Anne when she's not baby-sitting built for nothing! So G-Maw can suck it! Mary Anne gets super emotional as she is wont to do. But again, doesn't confront her dad.
Meanwhile, the BSC decide to make a booth for Heritage Day. They're gonna make giant cardboard cutouts of famous Stoneybrookians and take people's pictures with them and give the proceeds to the historical society. Cos the BSC are such fucking goody-goodies.
Well while making the cutouts, at Mary Anne's house natch, they spill paint and Logan is suddenly topless and music is blaring and it's all just a big ol' mess. Then the doorbell rings! Mary Anne answers it and thinks the lady is a social worker sent by her evil G-Maw to prove that Mary Anne's dad is an unfit parent! Oh noes! Loud music, a messy household, and a shirtless 13 year old boy in the house will not make a good case for Mary Anne's dad!
Mary Anne worries about this now. Again, not telling her dad any of her thoughts or fears.
Finally it's Heritage Day! And seeing everyone else's non-jacked up family's proudly displaying their non-jacked up family trees, Mary Anne finally breaks down and tells her dad that she snooped through the boxes in the attic. She finally tells him that she feels like a part of her is missing cos he never talks about her mom or their past. 
So Mary Anne's dad finally explains all the shizz about her grandparents. When her mother died, Mary Anne's dad sent her to live with her grandparents so he could get his shit together. Then when he finally got his shit together he immediately wanted her back but the grandparents weren't sure he was ready. So they kinda fought over Mary Anne and her dad won. And since her grandparents were kinda douchey, he never let them see her again.
Now her dad is butt hurt because Mary Anne feels incomplete. So he gives her a letter from her mom that he was supposed to give her on her 16th birthday. 
Mary Anne's happy but still upset that she's gonna be shipped off to live with her evil grandmother that she doesn't even know. 
Her dad explains that her G-Maw doesn't want custody. She just wants Mary Anne to visit. 
But what about the social worker?
Well it wasn't a social worker at all. It was just a census taker wanting to know how many people lived in their house! Oh how stupid Mary Anne feels! 
But she would like to visit her G-Maw now that she knows she's not an evil old lady that wants to kidnap her. 
So Mary Anne heads to Iowa and writes the most boring correspondence EVER. But we wouldn't expect anything less from sad sack Mary Anne!

Say Whaaat!?:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
We'll just give it to Ann M. Martin herself for this racy nugget of inappropriateness:

Logan got the worst of it: his shirt was nearly covered with paint. "This is ridiculous," he said. "Every time I move, I get more paint on me." He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off.
"Woo!" said Kristy.

What are you Wooing for Kristy? We all know you wish it was Shannon taking off her shirt.

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery of the Museum by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1993.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Huh. Claudia's actually dressed like a semi-normal human being today.
*What is up with that suit of armor? That must have been a very ill-shaped knight. His legs are teeny tiny and his arms nearly reach the floor. 
*That security guard doesn't look too concerned with the broken display case. He looks mad because Claudia's outfit isn't nearly "wild" enough.
* The tagline reads:

What kind of crook would steal art?

Um, an art thief?

Let's Review:
Claudia's super excited about the new museum in Stoneybrook! It'll be a great place to take her baby-sitting charges, plus it has some pieces by her fave sculptor, Don Newman. 
So Claudia rounds up some art-loving kids and takes them to the museum. While they're there the museum is robbed! Someone steals ancient coins! 
Because of her Nancy Drew obsession (my girl!) Claudia thinks she can totes solve this mystery. She starts by looking at museum-goers as suspects. There's a Brownie troupe, a custodian, a few families and a questionable guy with one blue eye and one green eye. Clearly that's the sign of the devil. So this guy must be the culprit. 
Claud tells the rest of the BSC about the robbery and how she wants to solve the case. 
The BSC puzzles til their puzzlers are sore. When suddenly Mallory has a flash of genius! Whoever stole the coins must have hidden them somewhere in the museum because shortly after the alarm bells went off everyone was patted down. The girls decide to head back to the museum to look for clues. Claudia sees the man with one blue eye and one green eye again! The BSC tails him throughout the museum until he gets annoyed and leaves. The girls think it's very suspicious that this guy got all annoyed that a group of girls were following him around while he tried to enjoy the art. So blue eye/green eye is definitely a suspect. 
Claudia goes back to the museum again to see the Don Newman exhibit. Stacey goes with. 
While molesting one of Don Newman's sculptures, Claudia gets the feeling that it might be a fake. So she marches to the curator's office to tell him so. The curator thinks Claudia's full of shit but humors her by checking the sculpture. He seems to think it's fine. Claudia doesn't. The curator acts kinda douchey. So now he's bumped blue eye/green eye to suspect #2 and taken his place as suspect numero uno. 
And since he was being so douchetastic and Claudia completely doesn't trust him anymore, she swipes one of his resumes which he just so happens to have lying about on his desk. 
So the girls hit the library to research the no good curator and find out that there have been multiple robberies at various museums he's worked at.
And Claudia can't get the sculpture out of her head so she dials up information and gets Don Newman's home number. She calls and tells him that she thinks his art may be a fake. Don Newman is the opposite of douchetastic and invites Claudia to a fancy soiree at the museum which he'll also be attending. He tells her they can check on the piece together. Don Newman is being super nice to Claudia. EvilEva wonders if Chris Hanson needs to be summoned.
So Claudia dons a fancy kimono and attends the fancy formal event. She meets up with Don and they go to check out his sculpture. But it's gone! It's been packed up and ready to ship to his next show. So Claud and Don head to the storage room. Before they can get inside a custodian walks up. So they hide. The custodian goes into the storage room, finds the sculpture and pulls the stolen coins from a hidden compartment inside the sculpture and drops them in his mop bucket. Don tackles the custodian and blue eye/green eye tackles Don! Turns out blue eye/green eye is a special agent that deals with art thievery! And the curator was hired for his special robbery-prevention skills! And the custodian was gonna sell the coins to a museum in Switzerland! Who are supposed to be neutral!
But Claudia saved the day! Even though it was by dumb lucky and she originally thought the good guys were the thieves!

Say Whaaat!?:
And most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Claudia, for attempting to describe the reason behind Mary Anne's dad's new laid-backness:

Remember I mentioned that Mary Anne's father had loosened up a little? Well, we think it may have had something to do with the fact that he fell in love again with an old high school girlfriend, and then married her.

It also might be because he's getting laid now on a regular basis.

Oh, and also there's this:
Claudia describes why every other Kishi is a piece of shit:

They also wish I would a) stop eating junk food and b) stop reading Nancy Drew books.

Fuck you, Mr. and Mrs. Kishi.

That's all from Stoneybrook for this month. I can't believe that I only have one more round of super book nostalgia to get through before the year is up. *sigh* But don't worry. I plan on revisiting the BSC in a big way next month! Hint: it'll be Super Special! ;)

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 9 Part 1 Reviews

It's time for more super nostalgic fun! So lets BSC it up with some reviews of our junior officers Jessi and Mallory! (Or in Ann M. Martin speak, the black one and the redhead.)

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #27: Jessi and the Superbrat by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*Jessi is wearing some truly fulgy pants. She looks like her legs are covered in postcards. Maybe Claudia made them for her and she just feels obligated to wear them.
*Wow. The kids on this cover are REALLY ugly. They look like disgruntled members of the Lollipop Guild. The kid in the brown shirt (who I'm guessing is famous child star Derek Masters) looks super pissed. Perhaps one of the Pike triplets made fun of his shuttlecock. Badminton joke!

Lets Review:
I don't know if you guys know this or not but there's this super awesome TV show called P.S. 162 and the star of it hails from right here in Stoneybrook! And he's back! And he needs a babysitter! And Jessi is the lucky BSC member that gets to sit for the Derek Masters! And Jessi is so excited to babysit an honest to goodness star!
She wants to know all about Hollywood and what it's like being on TV and working with that dreamboat Lamont. But Derek doesn't wanna talk about any of that shizz. He just wants to be a real boy. But people won't stop hounding him about his child stardom. I mean, is this the BSC or TMZ? Calm it down, ladies!
And to add to Derek's 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, there's some DoucheMagoo at school named John that is totes harshin' on Derek, knocking his books out of his hand and tying his shoelaces together so that he trips.
Well the Baby-Sitters Club is, of course, here to help even though they don't actually do anything except Claudia invites a gaggle of boys from the playground over to Derek's house one day to play. So Derek starts making friends. Hooray! But then he gets offered a role in a movie and it's "Fuck you very much Stoneybrook" and Derek prepares to head back to L.A.
Aw, everyone is sad so they decide to throw Derek a goodbye party/pancake breakfast! Meanwhile in Subplottia, Jessi decides to try out for a super professional version of Swan Lake. She's totes nervous about it and doesn't know if she's good enough to be a background dancer that no one will probably even look at anyway. So in the meantime she'll follow sage advice given to her by an 8 year old. Derek suggests to Jessi that she take up modeling and acting. She can start out doing local commercials and print work and then work her way up to having her own TV series. Because it's just that easy! That's why there are so few actor/waiters in L.A. because anyone with a dream and an iota of determination mixed with a splash of nothing better to do can make it big!
So Jessi gets so wrapped up in writing down agents phone numbers on index cards that she completely forgets to be nervous about her Swan Lake auditions. So you can imagine her surprise when she gets a call saying she's going to be a swan maiden! Yay! Now she doesn't need these stupid notecards anymore cos it turns out she wasn't really interested in being a model/actress. She was just stressed about making it into the corps. So instead of just chilling the fuck out, Jessi would rather flush her life's work down the commode because of frazzled nerves.
Oh and bee tee dubs, when Jessi went to tell Derek goodbye, he admitted there was never a John. He just made it up. He was the one being a dick to people, knocking their books down and tying their laces together. He was being a "superbrat" to make friends.
Word of advice, Derek. People, in general, don't really wanna be friends with a-holes. So you might wanna work on that.
But alls well that ends well and Derek and Jessi have a great big donkey laugh at the fact that Derek wasn't being bullied--- he was the bully! Isn't that a hoot! (I wish my computer had a sarcasm font.)

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Jessi, for describing the reason Becca might be yelling for everyone's attention so loudly and so persistently:

B. Enemy soldiers had trooped into our yard, aimed their guns through the front window, and opened fire.

The B. is there because this was multiple choice. A. was the house being on fire and C. was an alien invasion. The actual reason Becca was screaming and acting a fool was because P.S. 162 was about to start and that Lamont is so fucking hot!
My very first thought though was: Damn. How small-minded is Stoneybrook that Jessi immediately goes to snipers descending on their home when she hears her sister screaming.

P.S. Because of the title of this book, the entire time I was reading it I couldn't get the theme song to Josie and the Pussycats outta my head. But instead of Josie it was "Je-sssi and the Su-per brats!"

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #29: Mallory and the Mystery Diary by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Mallory is wearing an Aztec Bill Cosby sweater. And it's really ugly.
*Ooooh! Mallory has a boy in her room! But...... he's like 8 years old. So..... eww, Mallory.
*Of course there's a horse portrait above Mallory's bed. Which begs the question: Will Mallory ever get laid? That would've made an awesome tagline.

Lets Review:
Stacey's back, y'all! Hooray, huzzah and all that shizz! And she's moved into a super old house with her mom (cos her parent's are divorced now, natch.) But this isn't a Stacey story, this is a Mallory story.
Mallory takes over a casserole and ends up helping Stace and Claudia lug empty boxes to the attic. But there's a payoff to this good deed cos Mallory finds a dusty old trunk! Since Mallory so clearly wants to have this trunk's baby, Stacey tells her she can keep it. So Mallory enlists the help of her 82 brothers and sisters to haul the trunk to the Pike house. The trunk is really heavy so there might be something in it. But, shit!, the trunk is locked.
Mal doesn't wanna ruin the dusty old exterior but eventually she sees no other way of opening it except letting the Pike triplets go at it with a hammer. They finally get the thing open and discover a bunch of dusty old clothes and also a diary!
Mallory reads the diary cos she has no sense of personal boundaries and discovers that it belonged to a girl named Sophie who lived 100 years ago. And there's a mystery! Sophie's mother died and a painting of her went missing and Sophie's horrible grandfather said Sophie's dad was surely the culprit and got her dad blackballed around town. But according to Sophie's diary, her father didn't take the painting and Sophie was hellbent on proving his innocence. But the diary ends and Mallory doesn't know if the mystery was solved. So she decides that she'll solve it herself!
Meanwhile in Subplotville, Buddy Barrett can't read for shit and his mom is waaaay to busy to help him so Mallory offers her assistance. She brings him comics and Encyclopedia Browns. Then, because he liked the Encyclopedia mysteries so much, Mal lets him read Sophie's diary because in order to solve this mystery what we really need is an 8 year olds insight.
Mallory also shows Buddy the trunk and Buddy finds a hidden compartment with a confession letter from Sophie's grandfather stating that Sophie's father didn't steal the painting, her grandfather was so butthurt over Sophie's mother's death that he had someone paint ships over his own daughter's face. Cos that's how people grieve, y'all.
So Buddy and Mal go to Stacey's house to see if the painting might be in her attic and whattayaknow, it is!
So the lame mystery is solved and Buddy can read better now cos someone took the time to help him. Novel concept, I know. Also the fact that I just used the word novel while writing about a kid that has trouble reading is not lost on me.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Mary Anne and Dawn for being entirely too excited about perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever heard:

"An anniversary!" I exclaimed. "What kind of anniversary?"
"They're celebrating because this is the twenty-fifth date they've been on," replied Dawn.

I'm sorry, what?!?! What adult people A. count the number of dates they've been on together and 2. think to themselves "when we get to 25 we really should celebrate." However, I suppose that after 25 dates, Dawn's mother should just be thankful she's not locked in the basement with only a lotion basket to keep her company.

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 5 Part 2 Reviews

Shit has been going down in Stoneybrook, y'all. Mysterious shit. And who better to solve a mystery than a group of baby-sitters who fancy themselves detectives. And us! Lets help the BSC get to the bottom of thangs!

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #19: Kristy and the Missing Fortune by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*The faces say so much on the cover of this one. Lets break it down mug by mug:
-Claudia: "Um, y'all, don't hate me but I've been holding the map upsidedown this whole time. The only treasure here is my fringe-y jacket."
-Jessi: "You mean I dug this tiny hole for nothing?!?! Bitch, I'ma hit you in the face with this trowel."
-Kristy: "Don't worry, Jessi, for I of course have a great idea. I'll dig your puny hole deeper and then we can shove Claudia's soon to be lifeless body in it."
*P.S. Kristy, if you're trying to sneak around unseen in the middle of the night (or 10pm) you might wanna choose something a little less vibrant than that bright ass red turtleneck and hat that you're wearing.

Lets Review:
One wintry blahbiddy-blah day, Kristy finds a book in Watson's library about Ye Olde Stoneybrook and finds the name Christina Thomas in it. Which is totally cray cray cos it is so close to Kristy Thomas it is UNBELIEVABLE!
Turns out Christina Thomas disappeared like forever ago and took her inheritance with her. Where did she go? No one knows. That's why this is a MYSTERY!
So because this woman's name is so close to her own (and because her greedy ass is hoping to find the missing fortune) Kristy starts researching Christina's life. 
Soon Kristy finds out that Christina's home and the arboretum that Jessi is coincidentally trying to save are one and the same! So the girls recruit the rest of the BSC to help them dig up the flowerbeds so they can find the treasure and then use the money to save the arboretum. 
But all they find is a box full of not money. But Christina did leave behind the lease to the property containing the arboretum. She left the land to the town of Stoneybrook! So now the developers that were trying to buy the land to put up apartments can suck it! The arboretum is here to stay even though no one even knew it was here in the first place. So now we can go back to not enjoying these flowers all year long! And it's all thanks to Kristy and her nosy tendencies! 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Kristy, for this gem about how she will make her millions since they were unable to find the treasure:

"I guess I'll have to make my millions by baby-sitting instead!"

Yeah. From one baby-sitter to another--- good luck with that, sister.

The Fashion!:
Please enjoy this description of Claudia's stakeout outfit:

She was wearing black jeans, short black cowboy boots, and a black suede jacket with fringe along the back and arms and silver buttons that looked like those old Indian-head nickels.

Even while technically committing a crime Claudia Kishi does NOT do inconspicuous.
And I know that you're dying to know what Claud wore to the arboretum celebration:

Claudia was wearing a tuxedo, with a huge pink rose in her lapel.

I.... I don't even know what to say. Every time a Claudia ensemble is described it's like a gift from Baby Jesus himself. I just love it! 

Bonus Shizz!:
OMG! There is an ad for The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery Game! You have to use the special Mystery Case card to pick WHO did it, WHAT was involved, WHY it happened, and WHERE it happened. Then dial secret words on your Mystery Wheels to add to the story! Travel around the Stoneybrook map gameboard to uncover your friend's secret word clues! Finish four baby-sitting jobs and find out all the words to win. 
Idon't even remotely know what the fuck ANY of that means but.... I WANTS it!



EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Super Mystery #2: Baby-Sitters Beware by Ann M. Martin. 
Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
*This isn't any ordinary mystery--- It's a Super Mystery!
*There's a girl I'm guessing to be Kristy cos she's got a fucking turtleneck on, and a girl who I imagine is Stacey because of her wavy, voluminous, blonde hair, and they are scared, y'all. They're making gasp-y faces while clutching a little boy. It should be noted that the little boy is looking in the complete opposite direction as the girls. So this little idiot isn't even looking at what he's supposed to be scared of. 
*There's a creep wearing a black leather jacket, black knit hat and black leather gloves. So their stalker is OJ Simpson? Sorry. I always think of OJ when I see black leather gloves. Maybe he could get some kind of endorsement deal. You know, when he gets out of prison. And if there's a glove company that would want to hire a spokesperson/murderer. 
*The tagline reads: 

Someone's stalking the BSC!

God what a tedious job that must be. Hey look they're.... baby-sitting.... again.

Lets Review:
Oh my God, y'all, we get to go skiing at Shadow Lake! Doesn't that sound like a shit ton of fun?!?! But uh oh. All of a sudden totally not fun stuff starts happening to the BSC.
Like Stacey nearly gets her ass run over!
Kristy has a rock thrown through her window and someone spray paints a threatening message on her door!
Someone even sets Claudia's trash cans on fire!
However, while all this shizz is super scary, the girls refuse to let it ruin their trip to Shadow Lake.
That is until they start getting full-on stalked there to!
Stacey gets stuck on the chairlift!
Kristy's skis get broken and placed in a menacing fashion!
And Claudia nearly falls down a dangerous ski slope!
Meanwhile, back in Stoneybrook, Mary Anne and the less important members of the BSC, namely Mallory, Jessi, Logan and Shannon, are trying to figure out who in the world could be so pissed at the BSC that they would vaguely, semi, not really try to kill them.
All signs point to Karl Tate, a no good dognapper that the BSC helped send to prison.
But as it turns out it isn't Karl Tate. It's his son Woodie! He's beyond pissed off at the girls for sending his dad to prison and making their family *shudder* poor. Now he's gonna like kill or rape or just yell and wildly gesticulate at them. Oh noes! We need to tell the girls they're in an assload of trouble. But the phones are down! And there's a blizzard!
It's ok though cos eventually Nancy Drew enthusiast, Claudia, figures it out and Woodie falls in a frozen-over lake. The cops fish his ass out and take him to jail. 
Kristy, Claudia, Stacey and Abby return to Stoneybrook and the BSC, safe to meddle in other peoples lives once more. Yay! 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Claudia, for uttering these words about a man whose home was broken into but he denied it and didn't allow the cops to investigate his house:

"Maybe he has something inside the house he doesn't want the police to see," Claudia suggested. "Like... like stolen art."

While the art thief ratio is right up there with the divorced parents ratio in Stoneybrook, I'm fairly certain you are wrong on this one, Claud. He's probably just got a meth lab or something in there. Or maybe he's one of those people that grow marijuana in his closet. Either way, Nancy Drew would be ashamed of you for that suggestion.
And also to Mary Anne, for being a dumbass:

"Have you and, uh, James, been bothering me and my friends? I mean, two of my friends saw you, and we're all members of a club together, the Baby-Sitters Club, and some strange things have been happening to us, and I wondered..."

Mary Anne, you are so stupid. What kind of idiot would go up to someone as they're being cuffed and taken to a police car, and basically say "Uh, hey, my friends saw you commit that crime and scary shit has been happening to us ever since so I was wondering if you were the one trying to scare us and if you weren't well I've just given you all the information you'll need if you'd like to seek your revenge on us in the future."
Nancy Drew would spit in your face, Mary Anne.

Those Were The Days:
Here's a new category for the Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge. I found  something that I semi-squealed with delight over when I read it cos it took me back to my childhood:

That day we decided to make cookies. (But Shea, who is nine, and Jackie weren't calling them cookies. They were calling them Edible Slammers, after their Pogs and Slammers games---

OMG! I LOVED playing pogs! I probably had a hundred of them. Sparkly, holographic, glittery! They were very popular with me and my friends. I still have most of them in my Keorppi pencil box, including my Hypno Slammer which is An Official Bart Simpson Fun Toy and which won me many a pog battle!

Bonus Shizz!:
This book was written from the different POVs of all the baby-sitters. Thus I was finally introduced to Abby Stevenson. Up until now I hadn't come across her in my BSC dealings. What do I think of Abby? Well. I hate her. She's like the worst character in the BSC universe. I don't think I'll be checking out any Abby books from the library. In fact, I'd kinda rather jump into the frozen-over lake with criminal dipshit Woodie.

That's all the nostalgia I can cram into this month. Be sure to come back next month when I'll be getting my Christopher Pike on!  

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 5 Part 1 Reviews

It's almost summertime! What better way to celebrate than by taking a road trip to visit our favorite Stoneybrookians! Lets hop in the Junk Bucket and head to Connecticut, y'all!

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Special Edition Reader's Request: Logan Bruno, Boy Baby-Sitter by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1993.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*Ooh, this book is a "Reader's Request." Apparently a lot of middle-schoolers wanted to know more about handsomepants Logan Bruno.
*This book is from the early 90s which would explain why Logan seems to be getting his fashion cues from Zack Morris. I mean, shiny white hightop sneakers, a striped Polo-esque shirt, light blue blue jeans? Shouldn't you be out macking on Kelly Kapowski right now?
*Is that one kid wearing Zubaz pants whilst "raising the roof?"
*Um, Logan? You might wanna check on that little girl. I mean, I understand that y'all are enjoying a rousing game of Twister but, to me, her arm looks beyond twisted and verging into broken territory. Unless she's practicing her America's Next Top Model broke-down doll pose. If that's the case then she totally nailed it!
*The tagline reads:

Is Logan too cool for baby-sitting?

Um, unequivocally- NO! No he is not.

Lets Review:
Logan is sick of being teased for totes screwing up last weeks track meet and for being a baby-sitter that also happens to have a penis. So he's semi-stoked when the school's ruffians, The Badd Boyz, take up for him. He starts to hang out with the Boyz but becomes concerned when things start to get a little fishy. Like when kid's lockers are being broken into and their stuff is being stolen.
Then the Badd Boyz find out that Logan knows the man that owns the local music store. And, y'all, they rob that guy! They steal a whole box of Nicky Cash (who is the 90s Stoneybrook equivalent to Justin Bieber) CD's!
Oh noes! And Logan was with them while they did it! Oh noes yet again! And now the Badd Boyz are being, well, bad boys, threatening Logan if he even thinks about ratting them out. When Logan catches wind of the Badd Boyz plan to rob the same music store again, he can't just sit idly by. So Logan goes to the police, they set up a sting operation and catch these evil EiGHTH GRADERS in the act! The Badd Boyz get hauled off to eighth grader prison whatever that is and we learn An Important Lesson: Don't steal and don't join a gang.
But if you're going to steal and the name of your gang has the word bad in it then it would probably behoove you not to filch pussy music unless you want your ass beat by your death metal loving gang leader. Just a suggestion.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Logan for his description of the Badd Boyz:

The Badd Boyz. I'm serious. That's what these guys call themselves. They're like the junior version of a high school gang. They like to hang out in the shadows of the school, looking bored. Sometimes they smoke cigarettes, sometimes they work on cars belonging to the older gang members.

Is it just me or does this sound like the lamest gang EVER? I'd be interested to know what the initiation is...
"Alright, listen up newbs. Your first task is to take that there candy from that there baby. Careful. He's a biter."

The Fashion!:
Logan on Claudia's "wild" style:

She can make weird clothes look cool. Once she went to school with a rattle in her hair, like a barrette. Another time she wore bell-bottomed pants exactly like ones I've seen in these embarrassing old photos of my parents in college.

Oh Claudia. You never cease to amaze me with your crazy ass fashion ideas.
Now here's Logan describing the Badd Boyz signature look:

Both D and Remo were wearing T-shirts with cigarette packs rolled up in the sleeves.

So they're either gonna cut a bitch or put on a fabulous production of Grease! It is the word after all.

Bonus Shizz!:
We can join the new ONLINE Baby-Sitters Club! OMFG, the BSC is getting all digital on our asses!

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #51: Stacey's Ex-Best Friend by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1992.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Ha ha, lets make satellites and molecules out of prunes and pretzels! This is equal parts educational and hilarious!
*Claud is rocking a side-pony, y'all!
*The tagline reads:

Is Stacey's friend Laine super mature or just a super snob?

Well considering that she looks like the irritated teacher that's forced to deal with these kid's prune/pretzel shenanigans even though she's the same age, my vote is for super snob.

Lets Review:
Stacey is so psyched that her New York bestie Laine, is coming to Stoneybrook for a visit. They are going to have sooo much fun! Except when Laine finally arrives she acts like a huge diva-bitch that's too good for sleepovers, Stoneybrook and the BSC! Cos Laine has changed, y'all. She has a BOYFRIEND! And he's 15! And she drinks seltzer now. Seltzer! That's practically vodka! Stacey's not so sure she's down with this new Laine that seems juiced up on Haterade. And Laine makes things even worse when she totally ruins the Valentine's Day dance by being a snobby snot to her date Pete whom we'll never hear about again so you can see why we care so deeply about his hurt feelings. So Stacey does the only logical thing there is to do--- kick girlfriend to the curb. The curb of New York! Where she belongs!
Now Stacey can have fun with her real friends. Hooray! Lets celebrate with a Valentine's party in a barn!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Stacey when describing Laine's outfit when they pick her up at the train station:

She was hard to miss, considering she was wearing a jean coat with a fur collar (I sincerely hoped the fur was fake), black capri pants edged in lace, very chic black ankle boots, and on her head, a brilliant red over-sized beret.

Let me get this shit straight, Stace. Claudia can wear A RATTLE as a barrette but a jean jacket with a fur collar if too crazazee for you to comprehend? Perhaps you have been in Stoneybrook too long.

The Fashion!:
This is the "perfect" outfit Stacey wore to pick up Laine:

---a purple shirtwaist top over flowered leggings, my cowboy boots, a purple hair ornament made from shoelaces, and long dangly silver earrings.

OMG, do y'all remember those shoelace hairbows?! Aw. Pour one out for the shoelace hairbows.

Bonus Shizz!:
It's your 500th chance to join The Baby-Sitters Club Fan Club! You get a camera, a photo album, a diary, note cards, stickers, pencils, posters, official BSC newsletters, keepsake shipper, oh and uh Bragging Rights! For the low price of $8.95 (plus $2 shipping and handling.)
Ooh, there's a new ad! It's for G*I*R*L magazine. It's where you can get the scoop on The Baby-Sitters Club, plus you can enjoy articles on handling stress, turning dreams into great careers, making and keeping best friends, and the latest in movies, books, music and sports! 6 issues for only $15!
Goddamnit! This special offer ends July 1, 1996!
I'm 15 years too late. I'm a whole Laine's boyfriend too late. Ugh!

Well, I hope you enjoyed Part 1 of this months nostagia and flashbackery fun. Be sure to check back soon for Part 2 in which I will review some BSC Mysteries!  

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 3 Part 2 Reviews

Oh BSC, much like gay cowboy Jake Gyllenhaal, I wish I could quit you. But alas, I just can't do it. So here are two more reviews on our girls of Stoneybrook.

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #86: Mary Anne and Camp BSC by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!

*It's Mary Anne and four kiddies telling ghost stories in Dawn's old falling-down barn! Well it was old and falling-down in Dawn and the Impossible Three but that was 81 books ago so maybe someone as fixed the barn so that it's no longer a funhouse deathtrap.
*Mary Anne has a new 'do, y'all! And it is not at all attractive. Looks like she's got a mushroom cap on her head.
*There's a kerosene lamp on the hay-strewn floor of the barn. That seems safe, BSC. Fire so close to extremely flammable hay in an old wooden barn full of children. This sounds like one of Kristy's "Great Ideas."
*The tagline is:

Everyone's a happy camper- except Mary Anne!

Probably because she's stuck with that fugly hairdo until it grows back out.

Lets Review:

It's summertime! And the BSC decides to start a camp! But not just any camp. A circus camp! Whatever the fuck that is! And everyone is excited to participate. Everyone except Mary Anne. She's all sad because her dad has to go on a business trip for two weeks. Well, cheer up Mary Anne. You're out of your attic hidey hole and you and your stepmom and Dawn all get to be "bachelor girls" which entails eating takeout every single night, watching movies whilst throwing popcorn at the screen, and never cleaning up, EVER! Which sounds fanfuckingtastic to me but Mary Anne quickly sours on the whole "bachelor girl" lifestyle. (P.S. It's called a bachelorette, Ann M. Martin. Bachelor girl just sounds stupid.)
Eventually Mary Anne learns A Lesson from one of the four year old campers. That lesson is that she needs to learn to loosen the fuck up.
And, in case you were wondering, the kids put on an amazeballs circus performance!
SIDENOTE: Shock and awe, y'all! Stacey is out of the BSC!

We were short-handed because one of the members of the club had quit not too long before. Stacey McGill, our treasurer, had just left the BSC- and her friends- for her boyfriend and his group of "more sophisticated" friends.

Lets face it, guys. We always knew that slut would be the first to go.
ANOTHER SIDENOTE: I think we've found Kristy's first lesbian lover!

Shannon is sometimes quiet, but she is very sure of herself in her own way, just like Kristy, and very organized in a Kristy-like way, too.

She's the perfect girl for Kristy. It would be like frenching herself!
FINAL SIDENOTE: We get to read about the shoulder on shoulder action that Mary Anne and her boyfriend, Logan, give each other. Hot!

Say Whaaat!?!:

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Dawn for her definition of "stupid movies."

"Yeah, you know, Mary Anne. We'll watch dumb, nonmeaningful videos."

It's the "nonmeaningful" that gets me. I also find it semi-hilarious that Mary Anne needs someone to explain to her what constitutes as a "stupid movie."
My answer would have been:

"Yeah, you know, Mary Anne. Like. Not good."

Then I'd hit her up side the head with a wooden spoon.

Bonus Shizz!

*There's a sneak peek at The Baby-Sitters Club #87! It's called Stacey and the Bad Girls. Wait. But Stacey quit the BSC. Do we still even give a shit about her? Apparently so. It seems Stacey has gotten involved with *gasp* shoplifters!!!
*There's an ad for The Baby-Sitters Club Major Motion Picture!!! Coming soon!!!

Evil Eva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #119: Stacey's Ex-Boyfriend by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1998.

Dissecting The Cover:

*It's an ad for Prozac!
*Stacey is wearing a white dress with tiny purple flowers all over it. It's got a pretty low V-neck because Stacey is a big slutty-slut! She's got on white sandals that, I shit you not, resemble a pair that I used to wear to Sunday school. When I was four! Whoever drew Stacey made her legs look freakishly thin.
*Stacey's ex-boyfriend, Robert, is sitting at her kitchen table all depressed and hunched over like Quasimodo after a long day of bell ringing.
*The tagline is simply:

What's wrong with Robert?

Perhaps it's that he's a teenager and his body, it is a'changing. Or maybe it's the fact that Robert is only an 8th grader and yet the artist has rendered him in the likness of Anthony Michael Hall's face of today. Or maybe he just realized that he dated a girl with chicken legs and no fashion sense.

Lets Review:

Breathe a sigh of relief, y'all because Stacey has renounced her heathen ways and has rejoined the BSC! Hooray! Although not hooray for long. Stacey's boyfriend, Robert, is all depressed and junk. He's given up his friends, he's not paying attention in class AND he quit the baseball team! Robert! What the fuck is wrong with you? That's precisely what Stacey plans on finding out! She's gonna talk to Robert and try to pull him out of his funk. But Robert is being difficult. Finally Stacey learns that she can't turn Robert's frown upside down all be herself. A grownup MUST be involved. So Stacey suggests that Robert should have a heart to heart with his baseball coach about his premature ejaculation or his manarexia or his desire to become "Roberta" or his uncanny facial resemblance to a 40-something Anthony Michael Hall. We don't know which. We never learn what exactly Robert's problem is.

Say Whaaat!?!:

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Y'all this one was a toughie because this book was littered with ridiculousness. So I'll give you two ridiculous lines and then one awesome one courtesy of Claudia.
We'll start with Stacey, though. Here's what attracted Stacey to Robert (pre-sad sackery, of course.)

Robert's cute, with wavy hair, great dimples and a knockout smile. His broad shoulders and dark eyes first attracted me to him, but later I fell for all of him.

You know, after I fucked him with my mind. 

Speaking of Robert, lets check in on his mental state:

Robert shook his head sadly. "I just can't manage to see things that way. It looks to me as if we all just keep repeating the same pointless, stupid activities over and over until we die. So in the end even life is pointless."

Jesus. Bring the room down why don't ya. And this kid is only in the 8th grade. Wait til you get to high school, Robbie. It's all downhill from here! 

And now, because Claudia is awesome:

"Who cares if he's grounded," Claudia said, flopping dismally onto her bed. "He doesn't do anything anyway."

Oh Claudia! You speak the truth, girlfriend. This is why you are my favorite!

The Fashion!:

Stacey, describing Claudia's unique individuality:

She was wearing a long-sleeved zebra-print leotard under leopard-print overall shorts. A tiger-stripe scarf was tied around her neck and her hair was caught up into a ponytail with a lizard-print scrunchie. Her earrings were two orange-spotted giraffes.

So, in other words, Claudia got thrown up on by the zoo. 

Stacey, on Mary Anne's new fashion choices once her father had the stick from his ass removed:

Mary Anne was allowed to wear more fashionable clothes and to get a short haircut instead of wearing the babyish braids her dad used to insist on.

And he's finally let her out of her attic hidey hole for longer time periods other than just to attend school and eat meals! 

Scandal!:

Since the divorce, Stacey's mom has become pretty lax with the house rules.

Mom's rule was that he could come in while she was out, but we had to stay in the kitchen. 

Because teens follow rules so well. And also you can't fuck on a table! Apparently Stacey's mom has yet to catch an episode of Teen Mom.

Bonus Shizz!:

*There's a "Dear Reader" from Ann M. Martin herself telling us what we should do should we ever encounter such a Negative Nancy like Robert. 
*Baby-Sitters Club Notebook Pages! Which is just kind of a lame Mad Libs.
*Pics from Stacey's Scrapbook! Her parents look like the ones from 7th Heaven.
*A sneak peek at book #120: Mary Anne and the Playground Fight. From what I gather, Kristy is being a bitch and Claudia wants to punch her in the throat. I am almost positive that probably won't happen. It'd be really cool if it did though!
*A new Baby-Sitters Club Fan Club order form! This time you get a 110-mm camera! a mini photo album! a keepsake shipper! a poster! a diary! notecards! stickers! eight pencils! and much more for only $8.95 (plus $2.00 postage and handling) 
P.S. I didn't add those exclamation points. That's how it was actually written out. 

Well guys, we've reached our nostalgia quota for this month. But don't forget to come back next month when I'll review four more new old books! Plus I'll soon unveil The Baby-Sitters Club Drinking Game! As always, if you've got any suggestions or comments, dish that shizz below!

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 2 Part 2 Reviews

I've decided to take a little vacay from my Stoneybrook pals for the second half of this months Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge. But wherever shall I go? Hmm, I hear Sweet Valley is lovely this time of year! ;)

EvilEva reviews...... Sweet Valley Twins #1: Best Friends by Francine Pascal (although technically written by Jamie Suzanne.)

Circa: 1986.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!

*The twins look disgustingly cutesy with their matching outfits. For realsies? What girl still wants to dress like her identical twin at 13? Truthfully, I hate that at any age. The only thing I would hate more than twins dressed exactly alike would be if said twins also had names that either rhymed, i.e. Mandy and Sandy, or began with the same letter, i.e. Kathy and Karen. Ick!  

Lets Review:

Have you guys meet Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield? Well they are the blond-haired, blue-green eyed, all-American, picture perfect twinsicles of Sweet Valley! And they do EVERYTHiNG together! 
Well except now Elizabeth wants to start a newspaper for the sixth grade which sounds like Squaresville to Jessica. And Jessica wants to become a member of the prestigious Unicorn Club which Elizabeth thinks is a little snooty. But Elizabeth is afraid if they have different interests then they won't be able to spend every waking minute together the way twins are supposed to. Jessica, however, seems perfectly fine without having Liz as her same-faced shadow. 
In fact the only thing Jess could give a flying Fig Newton about is getting into the sixth grade sorority, The Unicorn Club. In order to do that she must complete three tasks. If she doesn't, well, then I guess she'll have to find a more excepting group of little bitches with whom she can discuss boys and clothes and other super important biz. 
Elizabeth feels left out of Jessica's life now that she has the Unicorns to hang out with. So much so that she kinda gives off a Single White Female vibe. Calm down, lady. Even if Jess has new friends, you're still her sister. You live in the same house for God's sake! You're bound to run into her at some point! 
Anyhoodle, in the end the girls learn that it's ok to be different. And we learn nothing because we knew this already!

Subplot: Also in this book the girls have ballet in gym class (What? Who the fuck has ballet in gym class?) and discover that they love love LOVE it! So their mom decides that they can take ballet classes at the only ballet company in town, the aptly named Dance Studio. 
Jessica thinks she's the awesomest of the awesome but Madame Andre hates her for her tardiness and gaudy purple leotards. So Madame goes on complimenting every other girl even though Jess is really trying to redeem herself and blah blah blah. This will all come to a head in the next book when one of the girls will be picked for the lead in the recital. *gasp* Who will it be?

Say Whaaat!?!?

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Janet, after conferring with members of the Unicorns when Jessica says she may have to drop out of the club.

"Look, Jessica, we don't want you to drop out. I mean, how would it look? It's OK for us to kick people out, but it's different for somebody to quit."

What a bitch!

Friendly Advice: 

Here's a piece of Friendly Advice to help you navigate the halls of Sweet Valley Middle School: 
You can be a bitch like Lila or a dick like Bruce or a flake like Jessica or a goody-goody like Elizabeth but the one thing YOU CANNOT BE in Sweet Valley is a fatty. 
Just ask poor fat Lois Waller.

"Did you see Lois Waller in gym class today?" Jessica asked. "She was practically oozing out of her leotard. Fat everywhere. They shouldn't let a tub like her take ballet."

But wait! There's more! 
Here's Jessica's inner monologue after hearing that Lois has been out of school for four days since Jess totally humiliated her at the Dairi Burger:

She was feeling a little nervous about Lois. Suppose shaving cream was poison after all? Oh, don't be silly, she told herself. Lois's parents probably just got tired of looking at her and sent her off to a fat farm. That was much more likely. 

Good God, how fat is Lois? Lila, care to comment?

"You could do a diet column and call it 'Advice from Miss Piggy'!"

Oh you Sweet Valley WASP's with your tiny waists and convoluted thinkin'. Fuck you.

EvilEva reviews...... Sweet Valley Twins #2: Teacher's Pet by Francine Pascal (although technically written by Jamie Suzanne.)
Circa: 1986.

Dissecting The Cover:

*It looks like a case of Black Swan up in this piece!
*The twin I'm taking to be Jessica has her arms crossed over her chest, giving her sister the stink eye. She looks like she might be thinking about pulling a Tonya Harding on Elizabeth's ass. Does anybody know Jeff Gillooly's number?
*The twin which I'm guessing is Elizabeth has her hands poised above her head in some ballet position that I don't know because I was too poor to take ballet and they didn't offer it as an option in gym class at my school. (Did they anywhere? I mean, was ballet taught in gym class ever really a thing?) The look on her face, very subtly says "Yeah bitch, I'm gonna ballet right over your ass! Which looks fat in that leotard, btw." 
*Camel toe a go-go!

Lets Review:

It's Fight Night at the Wakefield household! Both Jessica and Elizabeth want the coveted solo in the ballet recital. So now it's on like Donkey Kong! 
Jessica thinks that she's the mother effing shizz. She can literally dance circles around the rest of these amateurs. But guess who gets to be Swanilda the lead part in the ballet? That's right. Elizabeth. 
And Jessica is so super pissed because DUH!, she is such a superior dancer. The only way Liz could have gotten the part is because she is a big fat teacher's pet. A fact which Jess will remind her of about 16 bajillion times during the course of the 103 piddly pages of this book. Which is equal only in the amount of tears shed by Elizabeth. 
Not much else happens. Jessica pouts. Elizabeth is all butt hurt that Jess is being such a bitchninny. Amy Sutton can't dance for shit. Madame Andre only has eyes for Elizabeth. (Creep. Ey.) There's not even an awesome dance-off. They don't "take it to the street" and battle to see once and for all who the best dancer really is. No one "steps it up." No one "gets served." Very disappointing. 
In the end Elizabeth feels bad because she realizes that Jessica really is better and so she fakes a sprained ankle so that Jessica can dance in her place. So moral of the story: If you bitch, pout and complain enough eventually people will get tired of listening to your ass and will finally just give you your way.

Say Whaaat!?!?

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Mrs. Wakefield for her insight on Elizabeth getting the solo:

"Elizabeth, that's wonderful," Jessica heard her mother exclaim. "It's a shame that both you and Jessica couldn't dance the solo, but I'm sure your sister's happy for you, too."

First, Mrs. Wakefield, clearly you don't know your daughter very well. She will, in fact, NOT be happy for her sister. 
Second, I'm not so sure you understand what the word "solo" means.

That's all the nostalgia for this month. Did you guys enjoy our detour into Sweet Valley? I'm still trying to decide what next months book flashback will be. I haven't read R.L. Stine in For.Ever. So, how do y'all feel about Goosebumps!? :)  

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 2 Part 1 Reviews

For the first half of this months Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge we're headed back to Stoneybrook to check in with our favorite baby-sitting gang! So grab your Kristy's Krushers baseball cap, jump into your time machine and lets haul ass back to 1987 where our first tale takes place.

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #5: Dawn and the Impossible Three by Ann M. Martin. 


Circa: 1987.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!

*Though this book was written in the 80's, i believe they reissued it with a new cover in the 90's which would explain Dawn's denim shirt. She has her hand to her forehead, the international symbol for- Holy Hell These Children Are Driving Me Insane! 
*The three little children look absolutely horrible. One is crying, one is pulling on Dawn's arm and the little boy (who bears a striking resemblance to Aaron Carter, who was a less popular version of Justin Bieber in the 00's) looks like a complete douchenugget in a cowboy hat and flippers! 
*Still reading at an Accelerated rate, y'all!

Lets Review:

Dawn just moved to Stoneybrook from California and boy, are these two places so totally different! California= sun and fun. Stoneybrook Connecticut is fucking freezing! Seriously. It's 70 fucking degrees here, y'all! Break out your mittens and woolen hats! 
Other than this heinous weather change, Dawn in managing just fine. In fact, she's already made a group of besties and gotten a job. Because Dawn is super organized and perhaps a tad OCD. 
One minor prob with her new besties though. Kristy HATES her because, unbeknownst to Dawn, she's a big, fat friend stealer! Yes, Mary Anne is now Dawn's friend and Kristy, being the ginormous control freak she is, is completely butt hurt about it. But fear not, honorary BSC members, Dawn and Kristy find common ground through their parents divorces and their shared love of loft-jumping! 
Also, ya may have guessed that Dawn meets "the impossible three" in this book. (Even though i don't recall her ever referring to them as such.) Why are they "impossible," you ask? Well their mom and dad are going through a terrible divorce. Take a look-

"Ma'am, I don't mean to alarm you," Detective Norton began, "but has your divorce been a friendly one?"
"No, it hasn't," Mrs. Barrett answered. "Why?"
"Because," replied the detective, "many of the children missing today in this country are children of divorce. They've been taken by parents who want custody of them, but have not been granted custody."

First off Detective, way to preface this statement with "I don't mean to alarm you." Mrs. Barrett should be thrilled to know that her ex-husband is probably just a kidnapper and that her son is more than likely NOT being sold into white slavery right now. You certainly have a way with words, sir. Maybe now you'll get that promotion to be a counselor for the suicide hotline.
Anyhoo, the kids are terrible because their mom is a total space case who isn't organized or OCD enough to run her own household- Wait.A.Minute!- Dawn is organized and OCD! So she agrees to help Mrs. Barrett with her children since it's not their fault their mother is scatterbrained and their dad is a kidnapper. Hooray! The BSC saves the day yet again! 

Say Whaaat!?!?:

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Uh, Detective Norton, duh! I'm not so sure that "many of the children missing today in this country are children of divorce." I don't even think that's an actual statistic. I would think many of the children missing today in this country are children that have been swiped by pedophiles. Then again, I'm not a detective from Stoneybrook Connecticut, the divorce capitol of the United States, so what do I know.

The Fashion!:

I've noticed that fashion is very prevalent in these books. Ann M. Martin loooooves describing what the BSC members are wearing. So here are a few gems that I found in Dawn and the Impossible Three:

She doesn't look like Claudia or Stacey, who wear these really wild outfits such as tight black pants and Day-Glo shirts, but, well, for instance, at that very moment as we walked across the Kishis' lawn, Mary Anne had on her first sweatshirt and her first pair of jeans ever. 
She looked terrific!

So it seems that Mary Anne's father has learned to chillax , finally allowing her to wear jeans! and sweatshirts! without fear of being thrown in the Hidey-Hole Of Shame! 
And what about the fabulous Stacey?

She was wearing a simple pink T-shirt under a baggy jumpsuit with big pink and red flowers all over it.

OMG, it is like straight up Sex and the City in this mug! Stacey would be Samantha. Mary Anne would, of course, be the more conservative Charlotte. Kristy would be Miranda. And Claudia would definitely be Carrie! (I mean, can you think of anyone else that would wear a bird in her hair on her wedding day?) 

Bonus Shizz!:

There's an ad in the back of the book for the BSC dolls! I completely forgot that this was even a thing! There's Stacey, Claudia, Kristy, Mallory, Jessi, Dawn and Mary Anne! Coming soon to a store near you!

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #8: Boy-Crazy Stacey by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1987.

Dissecting The Cover:

*This one looks real statutory rape-y, guys. Stacey is at the beach holding an injured kid while flirting with a lifeguard that looks like he's in his mid-40's.
*Stacey looks all twitterpated and moony-eyed.
*Creepy 40-something lifeguard looks like he's trying to smolder the fuck out of Stacey's face. Plus he's got his shirt unbuttoned down to his navel. He kinda just smacks of GROSS. I'm hoping one of the seagulls flying above them will crap on his overly gelled head. 
*The injured kid looks as if she's thinking, "Bitch, i can't believe you got me to fake a sprained foot for this douchemuffin."
*The tagline is:

Who needs baby-sitting when there are boys around!

Apparently you do Stacey since you seem to be using this kid as your wingwoman. Plus that's no boy that's a man. A creepy one that probably owns a windowless van and LOTS of candy. Run away, Stacey! Run away! 

Lets Review:

Stacey and Mary Anne are headed to the Jersey Shore! No, not in a hair-poofing, fist-pumping, juicehead-fucking kind of way. Ew! They're going to help the Pike parents watch after their brood, which includes Mallory, Adam, Jordan, Byron, Vanessa, Nicky, Margo, Claire, Joshua, Jinger, Jill, Josiah, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Donny and Marie. (Ok so half of those names aren't really Pike kids. A BSC book to the person who can name who the other half belong to, drop your answer in the comments section below.) 
This should be a blast! Sun! Sand! And boys! 
Stacey has meet her soulmate, y'all! And he's a hunky 18 year old lifeguard named Scott! Mary Anne doesn't like this one bit though because not only has this lifeguard got Stacey shirking her Pike-related responsibilities, leaving all 263 kids for Mary Anne to watch after, but HELLO! he's 18! He's probably got chest hair and his voice is deep and his balls have dropped and all that other stuff we learned in Health class about boys! But Stacey couldn't give a shit even if she tried. She's in love! L-U-V! 
That is until she spies Scott kissing some other girl! Now just a damn minute, Scott! True, you never kissed, touched or went on a date with Stacey but you did call her "cutie" and "babe" and asked her to fetch you a soda, so you can see why Stacey is so hurt by your betrayal. Because she is so obviously crazy. Boy Crazy! Speaking of, hey there's a cute guy and he looks about 14! His name is Toby and he's totes dreamy! Fuck you, Scott! Stacey has a new love now. Stacey + Toby= LUV! (Until she gets back to Stoneybrook and finds better prospects in closer proximity to her vagina.)

Say Whaaat!?!?:

And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Stacey because this is why she is jealous of the other girls:

How did those girls get so lucky? Not only did the lifeguards seem to know them but they gave them the supreme honor of letting them do favors for them. Those girls got to bring them sodas and pick up anything that fell off the stand and one was even asked to fix them sandwiches for lunch.

"Supreme Honor?!" Oh Stacey, don't fret. That's what we like to call bitch work. And you're better than that.

The Fashion!:

Stacey- on finding a sophisticated look to wear to Watson's snooty McMansion:

I changed my mind six times before I decided on this new pink shirt I got the last time we went back to New York City to visit friends. Big, bright green and yellow birds were splashed all over it. It was gigantic, so it would be cool. I put it on with a pair of baggy shorts, looped a wide green belt around my middle, and hunted up some jewelry- silver bangle bracelets and a pair of silver earrings shaped like bells that actually ring when they dangle back and forth.

Because nothing says sophisticated and understated like giant green and yellow birds perched on your breasts.
Stacey- on her choice of swimwear (as well as her opinion of her bosoms):

I'm not shy. I whipped off my clothes. Underneath was my new bikini. It was skimpy (and we're talking very skimpy) and yellow, with tiny bows at the sides on the bottom part. And if I do say so myself, the top part was filled out pretty nicely.

Oh Stacey, you little slut! 

Bonus Shizz!:

Coming Soon--- The Baby-Sitters Club Drinking Game!

That's all for now but check back soon for the second half of this round when I'll be reviewing two more super nostalgic books! 
Comment away, si vous plait!