It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!
Episode #9: How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters.
Previously on Supernatural...
Sam got married to Crazy Becky. Then got an annulment from Crazy Becky. Dean had to hunt with the awesome sauceness that is Garth. But alas, Garth has gone back to wherever Garth's go. And Sam and Dean are reunited and it feels so good. The guys worked a crossroads demon case and had a run-in with Crowley. We learned that Crowley hates him some leviathan and would love nothing more than for the Winchesters to kill them all. So Crowley made a deal with the bros. He'll keep his demons at bay, leaving Sam and Dean with only the leviathan to worry with. For the time being, anyway.
Now...
Someone or something is panting. It seems we might be camping, y'all. At Wharton State Forest in The Pine Barrens, New Jersey.
There's a couple on a bed in sleeping bags. So it's like camping for pussies?
Anyhoo, cut back to the panting thing.
And now back to the Couple That Doesn't Know How To Camp. It's time for bed. The guy starts Soothing Sounds of Nature on his Ipod. Dude, if you were actually camping you'd be hearing actual soothing sounds of actual nature as you would actually be all up in it. What a dumbass.
Anyhoo, it seems those sounds were a little too soothing because the guy is now strung upside down in a tree in his sleeping bag. And now he realizes he's in a tree.
Uh oh! Tree creature! The guy starts screaming. His Ipod falls to the ground along with what used to be his ear.
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!
Hammonton, New Jersey! Sam and Dean are in a basement somewhere. They use jumper cables to jump start the electricity in the house that they're evidently squatting in.
The boys go back upstairs. Bobby comes in. The guys have been hiding out for weeks because of the cray cray leviathan.
The electricity pops off. Sam turns on a lantern while Dean complains about saving the world. He thinks maybe the world wants to end. Bobby wants Dean to chillax. Dean takes a beer and a seat.
Sam tells Bobby about sightings of a fast-moving, human-like creature that's been spotted in a forest in Jersey. Snooki? Or maybe Ronnie? Maybe it's Sammy Sweetheart. That show is so fucking stupid.
Anyway, Sam explains that the locals think it's the work of the Jersey Devil. Seriously. Snooki? Sorry. i'll stop it now.
Bobby was under the impression that the Jersey Devil was just tall-tale bullshizz. Sam thinks they should check it out because of the man-burrito it just polished off. That's not a dick joke, bee tee dubs. That's what was written in a newspaper article. Anyhoosie, apparently Man-Burrito's wife is missing too and four other people have disappeared in the last 3 weeks. The article says that state troopers think it's just a bear. Dean makes a funny.
Bobby's all for going legitimately hunting. Dean wants to suit and tie it first to make sure they're not just dealing with a backwoods crackhead.
Biggerson's Sizzlin' Grill & Bar! There's a poster for the Pepperjack Turducken Slammer. Only $4.99!
Suits of Sexiness are interrogating a park ranger named Ranger Rick. Sam and Dean ask about Man-Burrito. Ranger Rick doesn't believe a bear did it. He gives the Winchesters a HighTimes speech about mother nature as he chows down on his Turducken Slammer. Ranger Rick and Assistant Chief Ranger Phil have been finding leftovers from the whatever it is for weeks. Come to think of it, Ranger Rick hasn't seen Phil in a few days. Sam asks if he thinks Phil might be missing. Ranger Rick laid-backily replies he should probably report that.
Bobby enters the restaurant in his Trench of Justice and nary a ball cap. He motions for the boys to join him.
Bobby's been off having a looksie at what was left of Man-Burrito. He tells the boys that the bite marks are too small to be from a leviathan. Bobby doesn't know what this thing could possibly be. Dean suggests they eat. He stops a waiter named Brandon that's rocking Pieces Of Flare! Dean asks if they can get a booth and Brandon acts like a complete turd. Dean tries to make a comeback but fails. Brandon stalks off. Sam makes a funny about Dean's non-comeback. Then Bobby makes a funny about hoping not to get seated in Brandon's section.
Uh oh. They got seated in Brandon's section. He calls Sam Big Bird, Dean Ken Doll and Bobby Creepy Uncle. Dean asks Brandon what his problem is. Brandon screams that Dean is his problem and huffs off.
Dean gets back to business and tells Sam and Bobby that it didn't seem like Ranger Rick believed in the Jersey Devil theory. He and Sam both agree that Rick did seem quite high though.
Meanwhile, Dean's in love with his turducken.
Sam says Ranger Rick did seem to think something was in the woods. Bobby's ready to camp it up.
Meanwhile, Brandon loses his damn mind and storms out.
Dean continues to enjoy his turducken and now i kinda want a sandwich.
Woods! Bobby leads the way. It looks like they might run into Bella and Edward soon. Have we left Wharton State Forest and entered Forks?
Bobby finds hair on a tree and decides it's from two bucks having a turf war. Sam forgot that before Bobby was a monster hunter, he was an actual hunter. He also apparently used to take Dean and Sam hunting back in the day.
The guys come upon a rotting body hanging from a tree. It's probably Phil.
Woods at night! Ranger Rick drives up. Dean points out Phil's yucky body. Rick is gonna call it in. Sam makes a funny.
Creature vision! It's looking at Ranger Rick.
While Rick calls in Phil's dead body, the guys hear noises. We've got company.
Whatever it is takes Ranger Rick down. The boys draw their guns to go after him.
Commercial time.
The boys search for the ranger. They hear rustling in the trees. Bobby tells the boys to turn off their lights and turn on their ears. They can hear the monster eating Rick.
Bobby takes a shot and a body falls out of the tree. The boys haul it back to the house.
They ponder what the hell this thing could be. Whatever it is suddenly jumps its ass off the table. The guys draw their guns and shoot the shit out of it.
It's down again. Dean checks the thing for ID. He makes a joke and Bobby asks if he's feeling alright. Dean says he's fine. The thing is a man named Gerald that lived in town. He apparently used to be very fat but since becoming some cray cray monster zombie thing he's lost a lot of weight.
Bobby pokes at Gerald's guts with a stick. There's some kind of yucky goo. Bobby suggests looking under Gerald's hood.
Bobby and Sam autopsy it up. Dean asks if they're getting hungry. They both look at Dean as if he's lost his damn mind.
Sam and Bobby root around inside the body and discover a whole host of weird junk. Dean looks on unaffected. Even as Sam pulls out a whole cat's head.
Bobby finds the guy's adrenal glands which are huge and black but are supposed to be relatively small and orange.
Sam rules out the Jersey Devil. Dean seriously wants to get some grub.
Back to Biggerson's we go! Sam researches Gerald on his laptop while Bobby enjoys a cup of coffee and Dean chows down on more turducken. Apparently Gerald went missing eight days ago. So that explains all the people that have been eaten in the last eight days but what happened to Gerald to make him so hungry for man-burritos?
Bobby and Sam are kinda grossed out by Dean's eating. Sam asks Dean what he thinks about the case. Dean's not really worried about it. Sam and Bobby get all huh?-faced.
Sam looks around the restaurant and notices all the other patrons grossly enjoying their turducken. Bobby notices too. They both look very unsettled by this.
Sam snatches the sandwich from Dean.
Back to the Eternal House of Squatting! They've got the Turducken Slammer wrapped up in a tinfoil swan. i just realized the first four letters of turducken spell turd and now i'm even more grossed out.
Dean declares that his sandwich didn't do anything.
Bobby tells him that there's something wrong with him. Dean tells Bobby that no there's not. In fact he hasn't felt this great in awhile. He doesn't really care about anything and furthermore doesn't care that he doesn't care. Sam informs Dean that he is high as a kite.
On the table, Dean's Slammer belches out blue goo. It kinda looks like hair gel. Dean's freaked out because that goo must be in him too. Sam makes a funny.
So whatever this goo is is responsible for turning Gerald into a man-burrito eating crazycake.
Dean makes a funny.
Parking lot at Biggerson's corporation! Dean's passed out in the back of the Mystery Machine. Sam talks to Bobby about how he's worried about Dean. Bobby tells Sam that he and Dean need to stop worrying about each other and just deal with shizz. Sam talks a little about Satan too.
A delivery truck pulls into the cargo bay at Biggerson's corporation. They deliver a crate and leave. The Scooby Gang follow the goo-meat delivery truck.
Elsewhere, A woman walks in front of a law office.
Creature vision! It's Brandon and his Pieces Of Flare! He jumps out of a bush, grabs the woman and slams her head into the pavement.
A car drives up. A guy gets out. He backhands Brandon and his Pieces Of Flare.
Meanwhile, Sam and Bobby spy on the meat and poultry distribution truck as it pulls into the parking lot of the meat and poultry distribution center.
Sam thinks it's weird that a big chain like Biggerson's would get their meat and poultry from such a seemingly podunk meat and poultry operation. Sam suggests they wait until the center closes up, then go snooping.
But a car pulls up. Out steps Car Garage Guy!
Flashback to when we flattened him!
Car Garage Guy hands Brandon and his Pieces Of Flare over to the guy at the distribution center.
Ruh roh.
Commercials again.
Inside the bizarro meat and poultry distribution center! Car Garage Guy or Edgar as he's apparently actually named, tells his lackey to put Brandon and his Pieces Of Flare with "the others." Enter Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants!
He's been doing some experiments which Edgar is here to check on.
Brandon and his Pieces Of Flare are shoved into a cage. There are other cray cray man-burrito-eaters in cages near his.
Edgar tells Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants to burn them.
Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants is all "huh?" Edgar informs him that Dick is coming. Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants tells his bizarro meat and poultry distribution orderly to burn the man-burrito-eaters.
Mystery Machine Stakeout! Sam checks the back of the building and radios to Bobby that it's clear. Bobby tells him to come back. Dean continues to drink coffee and nurse his turducken hangover. Bobby asks Dean about his head. Dean says he's fine but Bobby's talking deeper shit. Dean doesn't really wanna hear it and makes a funny. Bobby is very concerned about Dean's talk of the job. But Dean's had it with this whole saving the world every time it needs saving.
Bobby tells him he's not a person, he's a hunter. Dean tried to hang it up and be normal with Lisa and Ben but he came right back. Bobby gives Dean a firm talking to and tells him he needs to focus and get his head in the game or he's gonna wind up dead. Bobby says he's been to enough funerals. He tells Dean that if he dies before him, he'll kill him.
Sam returns and informs the gang that something's up.
An SUV enters the parking lot. Edgar and Evil Dr. go out to greet Dick.
Bobby recognizes Dick as Dick Roman, some corporate douche.
Montage of corporate doucheyness!
Sam tells Dean that Dick Roman is one of the most powerful men in America.
Sam asks what their plan of attack should be as they certainly can't outgun them.
Bobby says they've at least got the drop on the leviathan so it'll give us time to figure out what they're doing in Bumblefuck, New Jersey.
Bobby breaks out his giant listening device so that they can listen in on the leviathan.
Cut to a fat family eating turducken in front of the TV! Evil Doc shows off the fat family to Dick and tells him the additive he's added to the sandwich has near 100% effectiveness. So eating the turducken makes the humans crave it which causes their metabolism to slow down and causes them to get fat, which results in making them complacent.
Dick's excited by this progress but now he'd like the scoop on Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants' failures.
Turns out Dick is not happy about the human-burrito story making the paper. He wants to teach Evil Doc a lesson.
Sam and Dean continue their stakeout in the Mystery Machine.
Bobby appears to be on the roof with his listening device. He tells the boys something's going down in the meeting room.
The bros position their binoculars accordingly.
Dick and his assistant enter the meeting room with Edgar and Evil Doc. Dick informs Evil Doc that they'll be shutting his program down. You can't make the papers and make people all jittery about monsters.
Evil Doc begs for Dick to let him make it right.
Dick's assistant opens a briefcase and pulls out........ a piece of paper? Evil Doc looks scared.
Oh apparently the piece of paper is a bib. Dick's assistant puts the bib around Evil Doc's neck.
Bobby continues to look on from his rooftop vantage point.
Evil Doc gets full-on Venus flytrap vagina face and eats his own hand!
Bobby relays this info to the bros. Oh noes! Bizarro meat and poultry distribution orderly has found Bobby's hiding spot! He clocks Bobby in the face!
Noooooooooo! Commercials!
Sam and Dean go to Bobby's hiding spot. They can't believe the leviathan got Bobby. Sam's very concerned because HELLO! we still don't know how to kill the leviathan.
An industrial cleaning company truck drives into the parking lot. Sodium borate, y'all! Let's get those motherfuckers!
Dick's assistant is blathering on about his itinerary. Meanwhile, THEY'VE GOT BOBBY!
Dick's assistant exits, taking Evil Doc's black goo stained bib with her.
Dick didn't even bother tying Bobby up because he knows Bobby can't get past him.
Bobby's impressed the leviathan snatched Dick Roman's body.
Dick informs him they can have whoever they want. They could have Bobby if he were worth it. Shut up, Dick!
Dick brags about a set of guns he picked up at an auction.
The wheels in Bobby's head? They are a-turning.
Dick starts loading one of the guns, then he cocks it. Bobby wants him to cut to the chase. He wants to know why Dick's keeping him around.
Dick tells Bobby that he's gonna eat him but he likes his meals prepared. Plus he figures holding on to Bobby will draw out the Winchesters.
Sam and Dean enter with their cleanser and start spraying Edgar and the rest of Dick's lackeys. The leviathan's faces start burning up.
Commercial time.
Meeting Room! Dick hears the brouhaha downstairs. He advises Bobby to stay in the chair while he goes to check this situation out. Dick leaves.
Of course Bobby doesn't just stay in his chair. He goes over to Dick's desk and checks out some files. Inside the files are some maps. Bobby grabs the other gun and starts loading it. He takes the files and the gun and heads out. But Dick's assistant stops him at the door and punches poor Bobby in the face.
But Bobby recovers quickly by shooting Dick's assistant in the face. He races out the door.
Downstairs! Sam sprayed Dick in the face! Dick merely wipes his face with a hanky. But now Sam's outta juice. Oh noes!!!
Bobby comes up behind Dick and shoots him in the back. Dick is temporarily distracted which gives Dean the chance to sneak up and douse him with more cleanser.
The boys start running.
Bobby starts after them but he's cornered by a big leviathan.
Sam and Dean make it to the Mystery Machine. They wait for Bobby.
Back to Bobby! He finds a crowbar and whacks the black goo outta big leviathan's face. Bobby starts running again. Go Bobby! HURRY!
Bobby makes it outside and runs for the van.
Out comes Dick brandishing his pistol. That's not a dick joke either.
Bobby hops in the van and tells Dean to haul ass. Bobby starts closing the van door.
Dick shoots.
The Mystery Machine speeds off.
Dick shoots two more times.
Sam tries to give Bobby his hat back but then he notices that there's a bullet hole in it! Oh noes!!!!!! The boys yell for Bobby but there's no answer.
Next time on Supernatural...
Boooooooooobbbbbbbbyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please don't let Bobby be dead! We already lost Cass this season! Come on, Supernatural! You can't do this to me!!!!!! Booooooobbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!
Episode #8: Season 7, Time For A Wedding!
Previously on Supernatural...
Sam was butt hurt because Dean killed his monster friend, Amy and kept it a secret from him, causing Sam to strike out on his own. But not for long. The boys rejoined forces on a ghost case. Dean got his flirt on. Sam eventually forgave him. And now they're back together again!
Now...
Las Vegas! Dean's hitting on a waitress in a strip club. Talk turns to Dean's "friend's" "brother" aka Sam. Apparently Sam is off on a hike right now. Stripper/waitress talks some sense into Dean. Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He texted an address along with the message Wear Fed suit. Hmm, intriguing.
Little White Wedding Chapel! Dean walks down the hallway in his Suit of Sexiness! The lights start going wonky so Dean draws his gun.
Sam opens the door also rocking his Suit of Sexiness! He tells Dean to put his gun away because he won't be needing it. Sam escorts Dean into the chapel and places him in the Best Man Spot at the end of the aisle. Dean is super confused. As am i. He wants to know what they're hunting in a wedding chapel. Sam drops a bomb. He says life is short, he's in love and he's getting married!
Say whaaaat?!?!?!
Dean has the same reaction.
Suddenly the wedding march starts up and a bride is walking down the aisle.
Say whaaaat?!?!?!
Sam pushes up the veil and it's...... Crazy Super-Fangirl Becky!?!?!?
Say whaaaat?!?!?!
Wedding cake. Time for a wedding. Cake explodes into black goo. Supernatural logo. Cake topper falls. Showtime!
Dean's freaking out. He asks how the eff this happened. Sam tells him the short version which is he and Becky met, they ate, they fell in love and now here they are getting married. Say Whaaaat?!?!? Dean's concerned because Sam's previous hook ups haven't quite worked out so well. But Becky's read all the Supernatural books so who better to understand Sam's fucked up relationships than her.
Dean is hilarious! He asks Sam if he even bothered to make sure Becky was actually Becky. Becky assures Dean that they used holy water, salt, the whole nine yards. She's not a monster.
Becky exits to pay the bill. Dean is hilarious again. He can't believe Sam would marry Becky of all people. i know, me either. i mean, i'm standing RIGHT HERE. Sam explains that he felt the same way about Becky that Dean did until he got to know her.
Dean finds it very suspect that Becky just happened to be in Vegas at the same time they are in Vegas and wonders if she "read" about their Vegas trip in Chuck's books and decided to stop by. But Sam insists he's for realsies in love with Becky. They're going to Becky's place in Delaware. He tells Dean whenever he decides to be more supportive he can give them a call.
Becky excitedly tweets about being Mrs. Winchester. She and Sam leave.
Later! At night! Dean calls Bobby and tells him that he's headed to Delaware. He tells Bobby that Sam is there with his wife. Dean wants Bobby to call him back as soon as he can.
Pike Creek, Delaware! Sam and Becky pull up to a restaurant that's hosting a 10 year reunion.
Becky enters the restaurant and talks to the girl at the table who's apparently in charge of the reunion. And is perhaps a bitch.
Yep, she's a bitch. She used to call Becky "Yechie Becky" which isn't even clever. Bitchy Classmate acts bitchy. Becky tells her she's there to RSVP for the reunion. Bitchy Classmate assumes Becky is attending the reunion alone. Then Sam walks up behind Becky. She tells Bitchy Classmate that she needs to mark her down with a plus one. Bam! Take that, Bitchy Classmate! In yo face!
Sam and Becky leave. Becky tweets her victory over Bitchy Classmate. Then she runs over to a guy named Guy. She proudly displays her wedding ring and introduces Sam. Guy is very impressed with Becky's new husband. (As am i.) Guy needs to get back to work though. He's an event planner and is planning the reunion. Becky runs after him. She asks if he got her message. He says yes and tells her to give him a hug which is when he shiftily hands over a vial of something to Becky. Guy's a Wiccan! Becky put some kind of spell on Sam. Say whaaaat- solved.
Dean rides up in his stolen Dodge as Sam and Becky are leaving. Dean goes into the restaurant and plops down at the bar. He notices a newspaper article titled "Truck kills pedestrian in freak accident. Victim a recent lottery winner."
Dean is intrigued.
Becky's house! Dinner is laid out and Becky enters in some kind of lacy nightie thingie. Sam is wowed by Becky's lacy nightie thingie. But then he gets a weird headache. Becky asks if he's ok. Sam looks like he's wondering where the hell he is and why Becky is there in a lacy nightie thingie with him. Sam gets very confused. Becky rushes over and kisses him. Sam gets headachey again. Becky pours the stuff from the vial into Sam's drink and hands it to him.
Sam drinks it and is back to being Becky's love slave again. Lucky bitch.
Baseball stadium! Some Guy's practicing his hitting. A creep in a hoodie watches from the stands. Creep in the hoodie makes creepy hand gestures. Suddenly the speed on the pitching machine goes all the way up. Some Guy hits the ball and the impact breaks the bat. Some Guy's all "whaaaaa?"
More creepy hand gestures. The machine moves to face Some Guy. A ball flies out and pops him. Another ball flies and pops him again. Some Guy falls to his knees. Another ball flies out and directly into Some Guy's face. Blood splatters from Some Guy's face and he falls to the ground. Creep in the hoodie looks very pleased with himself.
Time for commercials.
Dean rings the doorbell at Becky's place and gifts Sam with a waffle iron. He's ready to be supportive. And i'm ready for waffles!
He gives Sam the deets on a new case in- shocker- this town. The first victim won the lottery and then got hit by a truck. The second vic went from the bench to the majors and then, as we all know, was killed by a pitching machine throwing a ball full-force into his face.
Becky starts talking from the next room about how she and Sam thought that it might be a crossroads demon but there's a 10 year wait for cashing in on those souls so then they thought maybe it was a cursed object but they haven't been able to connect the victims to each other yet.
Dean's all fuck the what?!?!? He's baffled why Sam is working this case with Becky. Sam thinks that Becky's Supernatural book-reading might make her an asset. Dean isn't buying this Sam being in love with Becky bullshizz and calls Becky out by telling her that he's gonna find out whatever mojo she's using on Sam.
Sam doesn't want Dean insulting his wife like that.
Dean says obvs people's dreams are coming true in this town and isn't it a little cowinky-dental that Sam's all of a sudden in love and married to Becky. Sam tells Dean that what he and Becky have is real and that if Dean can't accept it then that's his problem.
Dean says if he were Sam he'd be worried about Becky cos so far the peeps whose dreams came true got snuffed out shortly after.
Dean starts to leave. Sam tells him maybe the reason he's so upset is because Sam doesn't need him anymore. Dean gets touche face. He leaves and calls Bobby. Bobby offers another hunter for Dean to work with because he's too busy on the case he's working to help him himself. Dean begrudgingly accepts.
Doodles! Becky's doodling Sam hearts Becky all over a notebook. Then she totally sniffs her book. Sam comes in. Becky quickly stops with the name doodling and book sniffing. Sam presents Becky with his and hers ID badges. Sam hands her a newspaper. There's an article about a guy at an insurance company that went from a junior sales position to CEO.
Becky looks over the article. Sam finds her notebook and hilariously gushes over it.
Sam and Becky are gonna go check out the CEO lead.
Restaurant! Dean's looking for his new hunting partner. And isn't too jazzed when he finds out it's a scrawny dude named Garth who is currently slurping a milkshake.
But Garth is hilarious!
Dean agrees to work with him since he has no other option. He shows Garth the same article Sam showed to Becky. Before Garth reads up on the case he needs to check in with Marmaduke.
Insurance office! Dean and Garth wait to talk to the CEO. A woman named Marsha with an s-h-a is being a total b-i-t-c-h to the secretary. Marsha with an s-h-a leaves.
Sam and Becky enter the room. Garth makes a funny. Dean goes over to talk to Sam. Becky gives him the stink eye. Sam tells Dean there's no point in talking to the CEO because he's clean. Sam asks who Garth is. Dean makes a funny. Sam and Becky leave.
Dean and Garth go to interview the CEO. Dean starts questioning him. Garth is non-subtly hilarious.
Dean asks the CEO what it felt like when his big dream came true. CEO reveals that this wasn't his dream. Marsha with an s-h-a enters the room and tells the CEO that his secretary is an idiot. Turns out Marsha with an s-h-a is the CEO's wife. Seems this was her wish.
Dean and Garth follow Marsha with an s-h-a. Dean tries to warn her that she might be in danger. Marsha with an s-h-a thinks Dean's threatening her. Garth is hilarious some more.
Dean asks Marsha with an s-h-a what exactly she did to get her hubby promoted. Marsha with an s-h-a tells Dean to leave her alone and walks off.
Becky's house! Sam studies their Wall of Research while Becky tweets about their impending honeymoon.
Sam gets headachy again.
Becky goes for the vial but she's out because it spilled in her purse. Rut row.
Insurance office! Marsha with an s-h-a waits around for her driver to pick her up. Marsha with an s-h-a has a really snooty voice. Anyway, she's positioned right under a big ass light fixture. Not a good place to be.
Upstairs it's creep in the hoodie and his creepy hand gestures! He makes the light fixture fall but Dean pushes Marsha with an s-h-a out of the way.
Suddenly Marsha with an s-h-a is all chatty about how her husband got the CEO job. She tells Dean and Garth that she was bitching about his job when a guy overheard her convo and offered her a trade, the CEO gig for her soul.
Garth's confused because usually with soul-swapping you get 10 years before the demon comes to collect. So what the hell's going on here? Dean thinks Becky might be next so they need to head out to find Sam. Garth lays out their next course of action. Hilariously, of course.
Becky's house! Becky calls Guy and tells him to meet up with her because she's losing Sam. Sam comes in all headachy and asks Becky what's going on. She reminds him they got married. Sam is confused and wants to call Dean. Becky can't have that so she whacks him over the head with the waffle iron that Dean got them as a wedding present.
More commercials.
Some house! Sam's tied to a bed. Becky tells him to calm down. But Sam is back to his normal self and doesn't know why he's tied to a bed as Becky stares on, so he can't calm down.
Sam tells Becky to let him go. Becky's computer beeps. She goes to video chat with Guy. Sam can hear Becky explain to Guy that she needs more elixir. Guy agrees to help and tells her to meet him in an hour. Becky goes to check on Sam. He tells her he heard her convo with Guy. Becky tries to convince Sam that they were happy together. Sam makes a funny. He asks if she's aware that Guy is the one killing all those people.
Becky tells Sam that Guy isn't killing people, he's only a Wiccan. Sam tells her she's wrong and she's on the to-be-killed list. Becky insists that Guy's her friend. Sam insists that no he's not. He tells Becky that Guy's her dealer and asks how much he's charging her. Becky informs him that Guy's been giving it to her for free and that the elixir wouldn't work unless Sam really loved her deep down.
Sam asks Becky to untie him. Instead she shoves a rag in his mouth. It sounds like Sam gives a muffled fuck you to Becky as she leaves for more elixir.
Reunion Restaurant! Becky meets up with Guy. Guy goes to hand her the vial but stops himself and informs her she'll have to pay for it this time.
Guy is meanly hilarious. Becky agrees to pay. Guy wants her soul. He gets a bad case of red demon eye. Becky realizes that Guy isn't a Wiccan but a crossroads demon.
Guy loves a reunion. People are willing to sign over their souls for practically nothing. He admits to killing the other people. Becky's afraid if she hands over her soul a piano will fall on her head the next day. Guy schmoozes Becky and offers her a one time only deal. 25 years. She can keep Sam but she'll have to give up her soul and promise not to tell the Winchesters about their little deal. Becky agrees and Guy hands over the vial.
Becky's house! Dean and Garth break in. Garth finds Becky's computer which has her Twitter account displayed on it. Her last tweet was about her honeymoon with Sam. Garth hilariously recounts the tweet. i'm really loving Garth, y'all!
Dean notices a pic of Becky at her parents lake house. He takes the picture out of the frame and finds Loon Lake Family Cabin written on the back.
Family Cabin! Becky's back. She has a sad cos she can't show Sam off at her reunion like she wanted to. She tells him that she knows he doesn't really love her. She also knows that she's a loser. The only place she ever fit in was on the Supernatural message boards. And then she got to meet the real Sam and Dean and she nearly shit her pants over that. And she started dating Chuck, the writer of the Supernatural series and her life was amaze balls. But then Chuck dumped her. And she had another sad. All she wants is someone to love her for her. Sam keeps mumbling answers so finally Becky takes the rag out of his mouth. Sam tells her if she wants someone to love her for her maybe try not drugging them.
Becky gets upset and takes out the vial.
Sam tells her she's better than this.
Becky isn't so sure.
Reunion Restaurant! Becky's drinking. Guy walks in to a bar. Ha! Sorry i couldn't help myself. Actually Guy just walks into the bar section of the restaurant. He asks Becky what's up. Becky agrees to the soul-swap deal.
Time for a commercial break.
Becky has to kiss Guy to seal the deal. She goes to do so but instead flicks a lighter, drops it to the floor and ignites a demon snare. Sam, Dean and Garth enter from the wings. Becky is super proud of herself for double crossing the crossroads demon.
Dean wants to know how Guy is cheating the 10 year deals. Guy informs Dean he's not a cheater but an innovator. And he's killing people because he found a loophole in the contracts. They're called accidents, people. Sam asks if he's been arranging accidents in order to collect early. But Guy doesn't care to get his hands dirty. That's why he's got a demon intern.
Enter demon intern. It's creep in the hoodie! He shoots Sam, Dean and Garth across the room, then smudges the snare.
Dean drops the knife. So he throws holy water on Guy and starts chanting Latin. But this doesn't really faze Guy. He grabs Dean by the throat. Sam comes to and tells Becky to run. Creep in the hoodie starts choking Sam with creepy hand gestures.
Suddenly Dean's knife is thrust through creep in the hoodie's chest. Becky just straight up stabbed him! Sam takes the knife out and passes it to Dean who holds it up to Guy's throat. Power shift!
Dean asks how many deals Guy's got in this town. Guy's got 15. Dean tells him to call them off or he'll cut his own loophole in Guy's throat.
Suddenly Guy notices someone behind Dean and doesn't look to pleased about it.
It's Crowley! Dean gets behind Guy and continues to hold him at knife point. Crowley makes a funny.
Dean tells Crowley he'll slit Guy's throat. Crowley doesn't think Dean should let Guy off that easily. Guy's all "whaaaaaa?"
Crowley's not happy about Guy breaking the rules. If they turn into a bunch of cheating cheaters who cheat then who would wanna make a deal with them?
Crowley tells Dean to hand over Guy. He'll cancel every deal Guy made and he'll make an example of him to boot.
Sam has a hard time believing Crowley will do this out of the kindness of his heart. Crowley asks them if they find it odd that they haven't encountered a demon lately. It's because he's told the demons to stay clear of the Winchesters. Crowley's no fan of the leviathan and thus is all for Sam and Dean killing them all. He'll stay out of it.
Dean tells Crowley to rip up the contracts first. Crowley snaps his fingers and the deed is done. Dean hands over Guy.
Crowley takes him and splits.
Garth finally comes to and asks what he missed. Dean throws his hands in the air.
Again with the commercials.
Sam signs an annulment. Becky says it wasn't all bad, right? Sam concedes that she did save his life but she also tricked him into marrying her and then drugged him and tied him to a bed Misery-style. Becky signs the annulment too and has a sad. Sam feels bad and tells her that she's not a loser and someday she'll find the right guy for her. No elixirs required.
Garth looks betwixt by Becky. Dean tells him no.
The boys leave.
Sam and Dean bid farewell to Garth. Garth bear hugs Dean and then leaves. i hope we'll get to see him again. Dean and Sam bust each others balls for their various predicaments in this episode. Sam apologizes for saying he didn't need Dean when he was all doped up on Becky-lovin.
But Dean says he was right. Sam doesn't really need Dean, he's a grown up and maybe it's time Dean started treating him like one. Then he calls Sam a hippie.
Sam tells Dean that it might be nice now that he feels like he doesn't have to watch over Sam, he can finally concentrate on taking care of himself.
Dean doesn't look to excited by this prospect.
Stolen Dodge out.
Next time on Supernatural...
It's time to hunt the infamous Jersey Devil. No, not Snooki.
P.S. Sam and Dean are up for two People's Choice Awards!!! Vote for them here.
It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!
Episode #7: The Mentalists.
Previously on Supernatural...
Bobby finally figured out a way to kill the leviathan--- douse them in sodium borate, chop off the head and bury the head and the body in separate locations. Sam learned that Dean killed Amy. And was totes upset about it. So Sam takes off on his own. We finally meet the leviathan big bad. Crowley pops back in wanting to work with him but Big Bad is so not into demons and declines Crowley's proposal. Big Bad is still all about destroying the Winchesters though.
Now...
Seance! A psychic is giving a reading to a very enthusiastic lady and a very unimpressed man. The enthusiastic lady and the psychic use a Ouija board to contact someone named Uncle Danny. Unimpressed man wants to know about some important papers. The psychic tells him to Ouija with her. The lights start flickering. The psychic seems a little weirded out. Which is weird since she's a psychic and should be used to flickering lights by now one would think.
The fire in the fireplace flames higher. The Ouija planchette starts moving by itself. The psychic and the enthusiastic lady get Freezing Cold Ghost Breath. Suddenly the planchette launches off the table and straight through the psychic's neck.
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!
Dean checks his phone but has no new messages. Then he steals an ugly Dodge. After Dean hotwires the car, the radio turns on and the DJ says that psychics are dying in a town called Lily Dale which is supposedly the most psychic place in America. Well this sounds right up our alley. So Dean heads off to Lily Dale.
Lily Dale! And Suits of Sexiness! Dean checks out the planchette-necked psychic's place. He finds buttons and switches on the psychic's chair and table which was what caused the wind and knocking noises from the psychic reading. So planchette-necked psychic is a big phony.
Dean leaves and walks down a street that's full of psychic shops and windchimes. He stops at Good Graces Cafe. This place is so not Dean. Then he hears Sam's voice, ordering coffee. Dean goes over and joins Sam. Dean starts talking about the case but Sam's giving the silent treatment. Dean says since they're both there they might as well work together. Sam agrees.
A lady walks in and she starts freaking out because she thinks Sam and Dean are the crazy killers that their leviathan doppelgangers were in last weeks episode. But they tell her they're not those Evil Winchesters. She starts babbling about their gentle energies or some shit and a man comes up and stops her, telling her that the boys are so clearly FBI. He hands Sam his business card. He's Nikolai and he's a world famous spoon bender. What a cowink, so am i. Not because i have impressive mind powers but because most spoons are easy to bend.
Anyhoosies, he picks up Sam's spoon and talks about harnessing the power of his mind. Then he and the lady leave.
Sam shares his case files with Dean. The first dead psychic was brained to death by her own crystal ball. Sam shows Dean a picture of the next victim, the planchette-necked lady. Her name was Goldy. The boys notice that she has on the same necklace in her picture as the first psychic. So this may be a cursed object case. The boys decide to head to over to Goldy's next of kin who is also a psychic. Sam goes to stir sugar in his coffee and his spoon bends. Sam makes a funny.
Next of kin's house! Suits of Sexiness continue!!! Goldy's next of kin is Melanie, her granddaughter. She's being comforted by a friend. The friend leaves. Melanie invites the boys in. She tells them she's not really psychic she just reads body language. Then she totally nails the bros current effed up sitch. Dean and Mel flirt a little bit. Sam asks her about the necklace. She says all of her grandmother's stuff was sent to a place called The Emporium.
The Emporium! Which looks like a dump. Dean and Sam stroll in. They ask the guy at the counter (who's name is Jimmy Tomorrow.) about the necklace. He tries to charge them waaaay too much for it. So Sam and Dean flash their badges and take the necklace as "evidence." Jimmy gives Sam a reading. He tells Sam a lose weighs heavily on him. Then he hands Sam his card in case Sam would like a private reading. Sam pockets the card and the boys leave.
Sam looks over the necklace and discovers it's a fake. So whatever is killing mediums is still out there.
Nikolai's house! He spreads cutlery out on his coffee table and he looks a little too excited about it if you know what i mean. He picks up a fork and starts stroking it (um, ewww.) He bends the fork. It straightens back up. All of his cutlery is standing at attention on the table. Nikolai gets Freezing Cold Ghost Breath. He starts levitating and is thrown into his upward-pointing cutlery. He bleeds like a mother.
Here's a commercial.
Nikolai's house! Sam and Dean enter in their Suits of Sexiness!!! Dean makes a funny. Sam questions the sheriff. He tells the bros that he's had 36 calls claiming they know what happened to Nikolai. The popular theories are a ghost and an ogre that only attacks Russians. He tells them that apparently Nikolai had a vision of his own death, cutlery and all.
Dean's cell rings. It's Melanie.
Melanie's house! She asks if it's true that Nikolai had a vision of his own death. Dean tells her yes. She tells them that her grandma left her a message saying that she had a vision of her own death at the seance. She tells them that her grandma said the room was freezing. It's ghosts, y'all! Dean tells Melanie that there's fake whoo-whoo crap and real whoo-whoo crap. And this is most definitely of the real whoo-whoo crap. He tells Melanie that he and Sam aren't actually FBI either. Melanie needs a drink.
The boys leave. It seems that this town full of psychics could be in real trouble. Sam says they need to split up because it'll be faster that. Sam walks away. Dean leaves in his stolen Dodge.
Melanie's hugging friend! She's a psychic too. She makes her scratch my reading dim bones, mon. Oh and she's apparently Jamaican now. She gives a reading to a woman, then she counts her cash, then has a vision. She's being strangled while a cuckoo clock goes off.
Her doorbell rings. It's Dean and Melanie. Mel's Psychic Friend tells them about her death vision. Dean asks where exactly in the room did she have this vision. She leads them over to the cash box. Dean inspects the spot and notices a hidden camera in a wooden mask on the wall.
They look at the footage from the hidden camera for clues. On the screen there's a woman standing behind Mel's Psychic Friend while she has her vision. Dean tells the girls that no one's having a psychic vision, the ghost is giving them out for some reason.
Mel's Psychic Friend is understandably freaked cos she's next. But in her vision she noticed that the clock said it was 2 AM when she was being choked out which gives us a little time to solve this mystery. Dean asks the girls if they've seen the woman ghost before. Melanie says she's seen her in a picture in the psychic museum.
Psychic Museum! Dean and Sam go on the guided tour for as long as they can stand it. They wander over to a wall of pictures. There's a picture of two brothers. The tour guide comes up and tells them it never worked out too well with the sibling acts. Sam asks about the pic of two women. The tour guide says the women in the photo are the Fox sisters. Kate Fox is our ghost. She was very troubled but also a talented psychic. She could foretell people's deaths. The other woman was Kate's sister, Margaret. She was a phony baloney psychic with seemingly no real power. But she took care of her sister. The tour guide tells the bros that the sisters lived and died in Lily Dale. So Sam leaves, wanting to head to the cemetery.
Dean turns to go but the tour guide stops him and asks if he knows an Eleanor or an Ellen. Um, hells yeah he knows an Ellen! Or rather he knew an Ellen. *pour one out*
The tour guide tells Dean that Ellen is concerned about him and she says that "If you don't tell someone how bad it really is, she'll kick your ass from beyond." The tour guide tells Dean he has to trust someone eventually.
Dean joins Sam outside. He decides it's time to have it out with Sam. Dean tells him that since he couldn't kill Amy because of emotional ties and whatnot, Dean did the dirty work for him. Dean says he eventually would've told Sam about killing her but he was concerned about that whole Satan being in Sam's head thing. Then he calls Sam a bitch and walks away.
Cemetery at night! Sam digs up Kate's grave. They pour salt and gasoline over the grave. But Kate's ghost comes out of nowhere and shoves Sam. She wants them to listen to her. Dean tries to flick his Bic but it doesn't catch. Sam lights a match and tosses it in Kate's grave. Her ghost goes up in flames.
Diner! Melanie's on the phone with Dean. He tells her that they've taken care of the ghost. Mel's Psychic Friend is relieved but still shaken. So Melanie offers for her to stay at her house for a few days. Mel's Psychic Friend greatly accepts.
Mel's Psychic Friend's house! She's getting her stuff together. The clock cuckoo's. Vision montage! A fire in Mel's Psychic Friend's fireplace blazes up. Mel's Psychic Friend tells Melanie to call Dean and Sam back.
Mel calls Dean and tells him it's not over. She asks what to do. Sam takes the phone from Dean and tells Melanie to get to the kitchen. Mel's Psychic Friend goes to follow but when she turns around Margaret's ghost is all up in her business.
Sam tells Mel to get salt. Margaret starts strangling Mel's Psychic Friend. Melanie runs for some salt. She gets it and throws is at Margaret. Margaret disappears but reappears again. Sam tells them to get iron. The girls stand back to back with fireplace pokers as weapons. Suddenly a dresser shoots across the room knocking Melanie against a wall. Mel falls to the floor. Mel's Psychic Friend goes to check on her but Margaret approaches behind her! Margaret grabs Mel's Psychic Friend. As an aside, Mel's Psychic Friend was apparently named Camille. Not that we'll be using her name again cos she's totes dead now.
Commercial time.
Outside Camille's! (i stand corrected about using her name.) Dean and Sam pull up. Mel runs out and into Dean's arms.
Next day! Turns out Kate was just trying to warn the psychics about her totally cray cray sister. Melanie comes downstairs and asks the guys to leave. Sam tells her that Margaret is still out there and asks if there's anything Melanie remembers about her that stood out. Melanie tells them it seemed like Margaret was all about Camille. And she also really seemed to enjoy killing her.
Cemetery during the day! Dean digs up Margaret's grave. But there are no bones in it!
The boys head back to the car. Dean throws the shovel in the trunk and pulls out a flier for the psychic festival. All the headliners are dead. Cowinky-dink? i think not.
Back to Mel's! Dean shows her the flier. She tells them that after Nikolai got forked they asked Camille to take his spot. Dean asks who they would have asked to fill in for her G-Maw. Melanie says probably her. Rut row.
The Emporium! Sam gives Jimmy Tomorrow The Stupidly Named Emporium Owner a list of things someone would use for a ghost-binding spell and asks if anyone came in wanting said items. Jimmy checks his receipt books and finds a match. Someone payed with a credit card. He gives Sam the address. Sam hauls ass.
Melanie's house! Dean makes a Salt Circle of Protection around them and preps for Margaret's arrival.
Back to Sam. He finds the address and busts in. Jimmy Tomorrow has lead Sam to a whoo-whoo lamaze class. Sam realizes that he's been duped. He realizes that Jimmy Tomorrow is the real culprit. He calls Dean with the news and heads over to find Margaret's bones.
Melanie's house! Margaret stands at the window.
Sam goes back to the Emporium but it's locked up. He takes out Jimmy's card, It's got his home address on it which is only a few doors down from the shop. Sam enters Jimmy's house. He finds an alter with a skull in the center of it. A trigger clicks. Jimmy Tomorrow is behind Sam! With a gun!
More commercials.
Jimmy Tomorrow tells Sam to put the skull down. Sam says alright. He makes like he's going to do just that but pulls some quick move and disarms Jimmy.
Mel's! Margaret is gone for the moment. But suddenly the windows shatter.
Jimmy's! Sam knocks over the alter. Jimmy says it doesn't matter. Margaret helps him because she wants to.
Mel's! Dean grabs his gun. The wind has fucked up the Salt Circle of Protection. Dean tells Melanie to grab the salt. Margaret's behind Dean. Melanie yells out to warn him. Margaret blasts him across the room and turns to Mel.
Jimmy's! Jimmy explains that he and Margaret are the same. They're the "real thing" but sometimes the real thing isn't pretty or entertaining enough.
Mel's! Margaret advances on Melanie. Dean shoots Margaret and she dissipates.
Jimmy's! Jimmy's mad cos he's a real deal psychic but no one would listen to him or take him seriously.
Mel's! Melanie draws a line of salt between her and Margaret. Dean aims his gun at Margaret.
Jimmy's! Jimmy tells Sam that Margaret likes to kill for him. Then he magically takes the gun from Sam!
Mel's! Margaret busts up the floors with her mind magic. Which splits the salt line. Dean shoots her again. She dissipates again.
Jimmy's! Sam asks Jimmy where the rest of Margaret's bones are. Jimmy doesn't answer but not so subtly shuffles in front of an open door.
Mel's! Margaret reappears. And Dean's outta ammo.
Jimmy's! Sam tries talking some sense into Jimmy. He tells him that those people didn't deserve to die. But Jimmy's all butt hurt cos he's living in squalor cos unlike those other psychics, he can't put on a decent show. Have you tried simply taking acting lessons? i'd try that before i raised up a witch, bound her and started using her to kill off my competition. But that's just me.
Sam asks if the bones are in the bedroom. Jimmy says no although they so clearly are. Jimmy fires the gun but it doesn't hit Sam. Jimmy glances back at the room containing the bones, while his back is turned, Sam pulls a gun from behind his back and shoots Jimmy.
Mel's! Margaret continues kicking Dean's ass.
Jimmy's! Sam finds the bones in Jimmy's bed. Ew.
Mel's! Margaret's done with Dean for the moment so she moves on to Melanie and starts strangling her.
Jimmy's! Sam lights the bones up.
Mel's! Margaret flames out.
Commercial time once more.
Cafe! Sam tells Dean about the bones being in Jimmy's bed. Dean makes a funny. Mel enters the cafe. Sam leaves so Dean and Melanie can get their flirt on. Melanie thanks Dean for saving her from the ghost. She also came to tell Dean goodbye since she figures that he won't wanna stick around. Dean says you never know, it's not like you can tell the future. Melanie pretends to read Dean's palm. She gives him an eight ball answer. i'm really liking Dean and Melanie together, guys.
Dean meets Sam outside. Sam is loading up his stuff in Dean's stolen car. He tells Dean that he figures they can just take one car. Sam admits that Dean was right about Amy. If she had been just some monster and not a friend Sam probably would've done the same thing as Dean. But Sam is concerned for Dean's well being what with his excessive drinking and all. He wants Dean to be honest with him. So Dean tells Sam that he didn't trust Amy and that he's had a hard time trusting anyone since Cass. Dean says he's been acting drinky and such because he doesn't like lying to Sam. They have a heart to heart and make several funnies and leave Lily Dale.
Next time on Supernatural...
Sam...... is....... GETTING MARRIED!?!?!?!?!? What the hell indeed, Dean. This better not be for realsies, y'all. i mean, who the fuck could he possibly be marrying? i'm here.
It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!
Episode #6: Slash Fiction.
Previously on Supernatural...
Dean still hasn't told Sam about killing Amy and the tension it's creating is starting to get to the boys. It's still Leviathans Gone Wild. But because of a helpful witch who looks suspiciously like Spike from Buffy, the boys are now in possession of a stunned Stalker Leviathan. They're taking him back to Bobby to see if we can figure out once and for all how to kill these things.
Now...
Bank! Sam and Dean are about to do some banking apparently. Dean goes up to the teller while Sam locks the door. What the what?!?!
Dean pulls a gun on the teller. Sam has a gun too and they both start shooting up the bank.
Ok so it appears that Dean and Sam are robbing this bank. i'll say it again, what the what?!?!
They shove the bank patrons inside the vault. Uh oh. This is the moment when EvilEva would be soiling her Underoos. Sam and Dean look right into the security camera and then start shooting everyone in the vault. WHAT THE WHAT?!?!
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!
Casa de Rufus! Bobby injects Stalker Leviathan or Chet as he's actually named, with something that has no effect on him.
Bobby's tried all the "greatest hits" for getting rid of baddies but so far none of them has worked. Dean says they need to figure it out soon or they'll have to drop a car on Chet like they did Car Garage Guy several episodes back. Chet informs them that Car Garage Guy walked away from that whole car being dropped on him thing and that he's fine now.
The boys are surprised at this. Chet is a dick.
Sam asks Chet how he got their aliases. Chet says he got them via Cass. The leviathan got all the info Cass had stored in his nugget when they overtook his body. *sniff* *pour one out*
Bobby asks Chet why he's telling them all his bidness. Chet informs the guys that he's not scared of them because they can't stop him. He tells them that he's the least of their concerns and that they should check out the news.
Sam, Dean and Bobby go to check out the news. Uh oh. There's a manhunt for Dean and Sam. Dean wants to know how the leviathan are able to look just like them. Chet yells up from the basement that it's courtesy of their hair taken from motel shower drains. See this is why i could never be a baddie (despite my first name being Evil.) i'm kind of a germophobe so this homegirl would so not be trolling shower drains to turn into someone else. i'd just have to be myself and hope for the best.
Anyhoosies, seems the leviathan are planning on making the Winchesters the most wanted men in America. Mission accomplished, am i right? ;)
Bobby thinks the boys should lay low since everyone knows what they look like and will be on the lookout for them. But Dean wants to go out and hunt the Evil Winchesters down. And Sam agrees with Dean.
Bobby thinks they're being stupid. But he tells them to go see a guy named Frank who is evidently a jackass that owes Bobby a favor. So the boys go to track Jackass Frank down while Bobby continues to put the squeeze on Chet.
Impala! The bros drive up to a gas station. Dean pumps while Sam goes for snackage. The cashier acts shifty. He goes to the back room to look for protein bars that Sam asked for. Sam sees that the cashier was watching them on the news and is probably calling the cops. Sam ditches the Bing Bongs, rushes outta the store and he and Dean haul ass outta there.
New bank! Two FBI agents pull up to the scene. Huh, one of the agents is actually kinda cute. He looks sorta like Ryan Gosling. Anyway, Ryan Gosling Lite gets a text. It's Winchester information. The FBI leaves.
Impala/Backwoods! The boys pull up to a dump. Not an actual dump but a shitty house dump. They open the door and call out to Frank but get no reply.
Suddenly a lamp turns on. Frank is sitting in a chair, pointing a gun at the Winchesters. And Frank's pretty creepy, y'all.
Commercial time.
Frank recognizes Sam and Dean from the news. Sam tells him they're not the guys from the news. Frank acts kinda crazy. Then he makes a funny. Then he gets upset cos the bros tell him Bobby sent them. Turns out Bobby saved Frank's life at some point. Frank's not to jazzed about owing him one. But he agrees to help Sam and Dean.
Frank shreds their fake IDs and such. And talks some more crazy. Dean tells Frank that they wanna be off the grid but not completely off the board. Frank tells them they'll need new aliases. They'll need to use cash only. And they need to change their phones frequently.
Then Frank breaks Sam's laptop into a million pieces. But he hands him a new one and informs the boys that they owe him $5000. He takes Dean's pic for his new fake ID.
Casa de Rufus! Bobby shoots Chet. Nothing happens. Chet acts like a dick yet again. He starts talking shit. So Bobby grabs a sword and cuts Chet's head clean off. Bobby's very pleased with these results.
Frank's! He hands the boys their new identities and a map which he's marked with the locations of where their evil twins have already been. It seems the Evil Winchesters are hitting places at random. There doesn't seem to be any kind of pattern. He tells Sam and Dean to ditch the Impala cos their evil twins are using the same ride. This is so not cool with Dean.
Casa de Rufus! There's a knock on the door. Bobby gets his gun. But it's only Sheriff Suite Life. And she brought beer! Bobby invites her in but informs her that he's got a leviathan in the basement. Sheriff Suite Life came over to thank Bobby. She offers to cook for him or maybe organize his house as a thank you for saving her from Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants Organ-Eater M.D. Bobby's fine with this thank you. Ooh, y'all are there sexytimes on the horizon for Bobby?!
Bobby goes to the basement to check on Chet. And damnit! His head's grown back. Chet asks Bobby if he really thought it would be that easy. To which Bobby replies, "no but it's a start." And he chops Chet's head off again!
Impala's poor substitute! There's a little yellow unicorn hanging from the rear view mirror! Dean cuts it down and chucks it in the backseat. Dean is upset about being forced to ride around in a unicorn-bedeck mobile. Sam suggests they play some tunes to ease Dean's pain.
"All Out Of Love" starts playing. Dean hilariously lip syncs to it.
Sam tries to find some kind of pattern on the map. Past jobs montage! The evil twins are hitting towns Sam and Dean worked jobs in in order from when Sam joined Dean back in season 1 episode 1. The bros think the evil Winchestres want the real Winchesters to find them. Sam says St. Louis should be next. Dean is jazzed about returning to Connor's diner for a burger.
Connor's Diner! Evil Dean eats a burger while complaining about Dean's eating habits. Evil Sam isn't too thrilled being Sam and eating a salad either. The evil twins are pretty hilarious.
Evil Dean tells some kid to turn on his camera phone. Sam and Dean pull out their guns and threaten everyone in the diner.
More commercials.
Impala's poor substitute! Bobby calls the boys to tell them that chopping off the leviathans heads won't kill them but it will slow them down. So that's something. The boys overhear Sheriff Suite Life in the background and razz Bobby a little about it. Bobby tells them that their evil twins have already hit St. Louis. So the real Winchesters are off to their next location, somewhere in Iowa.
Connor's Diner! The FBI strolls in. Everyone in the diner was killed. A police officer shows them the footage from the phone. On it Evil Dean and Evil Sam tell the camera that they're headed to Iowa next. Oh noes! The FBI heads out.
Casa de Rufus! Bobby hooks up Chet to some jumper cables. But he gets some of Chet's black goo blood on him! What does that mean!?!? Chet smirks which must mean that it means something! OMG! Chet turned into Bobby! Bobby obviously says "balls." Chet uses Bobby's personal information against him.
Iowa! Sam and Dean walk down the street while Evil Sam and Evil Dean drive by in their Evil Impala. Dean calls Bobby to inform him that they've found their doppelgangers. They ask Bobby if he's got any more info on killing the leviathan. Bobby tells them that they should just hang back for now.
A police car drives up! They arrest Sam and Dean! Evil Sam and Evil Dean hear the ruckus and get back into the safety of their Evil Impala!
Casa de Rufus! Chet as Evil Bobby is still talking shit. He thinks Bobby's got a thing for Sheriff Suite Life. Real Bobby grabs his sword again and goes over to Chet as Evil Bobby. Bobby's about to slice Chet's head again when suddenly something drips on Chet's arm. And his arm starts sizzling! Whatever it is is burning a hole in Chet's skin! Chet as Evil Bobby looks up to the ceiling and gets the stuff on his face. He starts freaking out cos he's burning like a mother.
Bobby runs upstairs. Sheriff Suite Life is cleaning something off the floor. Bobby kisses her! What what! He asks her what the heck was in that bucket.
Police station! Dean and Sam are being hauled in. They try to explain to the sheriff that he's got the wrong guys. Of course the sheriff doesn't buy this crazy shizz at all. Dean wants his one phone call. The sheriff tells the officers to take Dean to a cell and Sam to an interview room while he calls the FBI. Then he tells the officers that after they're done with the Winchesters, they can go home.
Evil Sam and Evil Dean are waiting outside in the Evil Impala. When they see the officers leave, they go into the station. Evil Dean and Evil Sam have changed those faces for the faces of the officers that just left. Another officer enters. The Evil Officers snap his neck, get full-on Venus flytrap vagina face and presumably eat him.
Time to sell more shit.
Police station! Dean asks the sheriff for his one call again. The sheriff lets him call Bobby. Dean informs Bobby that the evil twins saw them and now the real Winchesters are in jail. Bobby tells Dean there's a chemical called sodium borate that's found in industrial strength cleaners that can burn the fuck out of 'em. He tells Dean to douse the leviathan in it, chop off the head and keep it separate from the body. While on the phone, Bobby puts Chet's head in a box.
The sheriff hangs up because he thinks Dean and Bobby are sickos. Dean tells him he needs to go find anything with borax in it. But the sheriff ain't listening to this ridiculousness.
The sheriff strolls back into another part of the station where he sees one of the Evil Officers feasting on that guy they just killed. The other Evil Officer walks in and tells Evil Officer 1 that they don't have time to eat. The sheriff hides. The Evil Officers turn back into Evil Dean and Evil Sam and the sheriff turns into a believer. Evil Sam and Evil Dean exit.
The sheriff goes back to the cell and frees Dean. Dean tells the sheriff to go to the supply closet and bring back everything that has borax in it.
Interview room! Dean enters. Sam's surprised to see him. But it's Evil Dean! Oh noes!
Back to Dean! Dean takes the eaten officers gun. Evil Sam walks up to Dean. Dean shoots him but it doesn't stop him. Evil Sam knocks the gun from Dean's hand and tosses Dean into a trophy case.
Interview room! Evil Dean tells Sam how he doesn't like being a Winchester. He tells him they should be doing evil instead of good.
Back to Dean again! Dean gets up and shatters the emergency glass case on the wall and takes the ax out. Evil Sam isn't scared of no ax. The sheriff dumps a bucket of chemicals on him. Evil Sam starts burning. Dean decapitates him.
Interview room! Evil Dean tells Sam that Dean thinks he's nuts and off his game. Then he tells him that Dean killed Amy. Evil Dean is very pleased with Sam's shocked reaction to this. Now he can eat Sam.
Dean breaks into the room. He throws the chemicals on Evil Dean and slices his head off. Evil Dean's body lands in a somewhat casual pose.
The sheriff uncuffs Sam. He tells the boys that the FBI are on their way and he'll do whatever he can in order to help the Winchesters. Dean asks the sheriff to help them play dead. The sheriff agrees and the boys leave.
Police station! The FBI are here. The sheriff tells them that he shot Sam and Dean. The coroner (i guess) tells them that the cause of death was multiple gunshot wounds and that she got their fingerprints for the FBI to varify. They ask to see the bodies. The sheriff tells them he sent them to the funeral home to be cremated. The FBI isn't happy that the sheriff had the bodies destroyed. Non-Ryan Gosling Lite acts like a douche but Actual-Ryan Gosling Lite tells him to chillax, no bodies means no paperwork. Which seems like a really lousy police work attitude if you ask me. So Ryan Gosling Lite pronounces the case closed and the Winchesters dead. The FBI leaves.
Casa de Rufus! Bobby watches the news. They say that Dean and Sam are dead. Bobby and Sheriff Suite Life flirt a little. Then Bobby gifts her with Chet's head in a box and asks her to toss it in the drain when she passes over a bridge. He tells her that he has to go bury the body in cement. Then he kisses her on the cheek. Aw, B! Sheriff Suite Life leaves.
Police station! The coroner doubles as the sheriff's daughter and she's very confused about why they had to lie to the FBI. She's also confused about the black goo. She says it's definitely not blood.
Ryan Gosling Lite is back. He tells her that the black goo is something much more. Then he gets full-on Venus flytrap vagina face and blood splatters all over the walls.
Even more commercials.
Police station! Ryan Gosling Lite unzips the body bags and calls someone. It's his boss. He tells him that the heads are missing. Boss Man asks if the actual Winchesters are dead. Ryan Gosling Lite tells him no. Boss Man tells Ryan Gosling Lite that it's back to the drawing board for Winchester-killing ideas. Boss Man gets in his car. Crowley blinks in. He introduces himself. Boss Man's name is Dick. Crowley wants to work with Dick. But Dick is so not interested. He calls demons ugly, lazy, gold-digging whores. He most def does NOT wanna work with Crowley's kind.
Impala poor substitute! Sam confronts Dean about killing Amy. Sam tells Dean that he can't be around him. He thinks Dean should go on without him. Dean says alright and sorry. Sam walks off.
Next time on Supernatural...
Mediums are being killed off. And apparently Sam and Dean are back together. That separation didn't last long.
It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!
Episode #5: Shut Up, Dr. Phil.
Previously on Supernatural...
Dean is still guilty about killing Amy the Kitsune. He also still hasn't let Sam in on the fact that he killed her. Sam still has Lucifer riding shotgun in his noggin but he's managing it. The leviathan are still running wild. And Cass is still dead. Maybe. If that's what you choose to believe. Which i don't.
Now...
Snazzy Hair Salon! Some chippy is getting her hair did. She's under a giant ass hair dryer. This isn't gonna end well. Especially when the hair stylist guy's last words are "Holler if you need anything." Some fancy doors close behind him so chippy can dry her hair and read her magazine in peace.
Chippy gets hot and bothered but can't get the dryer off her head. Can't she just slide off the chair? Nope, she can't. She tries to but something stops her. She "hollers" for Chris The Male Hair Stylist but he ain't coming. So girlfriend gets sizzled the fuck up.
Finally Chris enters the room. He slips the dryer off and her hair (as well as her head) are totally fried. Worst salon EVER!
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!
Motel! Dean's asleep and dreaming of some heavy shit. He wakes up guilty panting and sees that Sam isn't in his bed. Dean gets up to research and drink.
Sam comes back from running. Sexily. And Dean makes a funny. Then he tells Sam about two people from Prosperity Indiana that died in fucked up ways. One was the chippy that got fired at the salon. The other was a man that boiled in a hot tub. The boys agree that it's worth checking out. Sam asks Dean what's going on with him. Dean evades the question so Sam drops it.
Parking lot somewhere! It's that Stalker Leviathan. He's talking on his cell to his boss. He's catching up to the Winchesters.
Impala! Sam and Dean are in Prosperity. Sam, in his Suit of Sexiness, interrogates salon chippy's (whose name is actually Wendy) sister. He asks her if Wendy had any enemies. The sister tells Sam how great Wendy was. He asks if Wendy knew the guy that got boiled in the hot tub. But Wendy's sister never heard the name so she doesn't think her sister knew him. She tells Sam if someone did this to her sister and it wasn't just a freak accident, she wants him to find out who.
Salon! Dean questions Chris The Useless Hair Stylist. Chris The Useless Hair Stylist tells Dean that the accident really couldn't have happened because the dryer only goes up to a certain temperature and would have blown a fuse. Dean investigates the hair dryer and finds a coin.
Sam and Dean are walking down different streets whilst taking on the phone to each other. They catch up with their various findings. We might be dealing with a hex talisman. Dean makes a funny then heads into a liquor store.
Job site! A guy goes into a PortAPotty. A nail gun in his truck fires up ON ITS OWN and hangs IN MIDAIR in front of the PortAPotty door! The guy opens the door thinking someone is playing a joke on him and sees the nail gun. Nails start firing. The guy gets nailed to the wall! The gun fires off two more nails straight through his eyes!
Time for commercials.
Job site! The bros are in their Suits of Sexiness. They're investigating this new scene. Dean questions the sheriff. The dead guy was yet another seemingly awesome person with no enemies. Dean searches the PortAPotty and finds another coin. He goes to the trailer where Sam is investigating the vic's computer. Sam found a connection between the three victims. They were all working on a shopping center project together. But the project was dropped. All the peeps working on this project have died except the developer, Don Stark. Dean knows this name somehow.
The boys are now at a bust of a one Mr. Don Stark in the center of town. Don Stark could be next. Dean whips out his flask for a quick swig. Sam reprimands him.
Sam's phone beeps. It's Bobby with info on the coins. They're Romanian.
Sam notices dead grass beside the bust. Dean noticed some by a bus bench with the Fried Wendy's pic on it.
Cut to Stalker Leviathan, rolling down the road, listening to sad music. He's headed for the Winchesters.
Don Stark's home/office! Hey it's Spike from Buffy! The boys question him about the victims. He only knew them through business.
Spike's assistant enters. She's taking out his dry cleaning and they flirt about cupcakes. The boys look at Spike as if his cupcake flirting with his young, pretty assistant is very suspect. Sam pretends he needs to tinkle so that he can investigate without Spike around. Dean continues questioning Spike while Sam heads upstairs. Spike admits that he's got enemies. Business rivals and such.
Meanwhile Sam finds a bedroom upstairs and checks it out. He finds a closet. One side is full of mens clothes. The other side is empty save for a broken heel, a witchy looking necklace and a shoebox filled with weird stuff including paper with odd symbols on them.
Back to Dean. Spike's showing off his plaques and talking about how everyone respects and admires him. Sam reenters and asks if that list of admirers includes his wife. Then Sam tells a little lie about how they heard Spike and his wife were splitting up. Spike's wife, btw, is Cordelia also from Buffy! Anyhoo, Spike admits that he and his wife are going through a tough time but hopes that it's only temporary. Sam asks for specifics about the separation but Spike is vague with his answers. Dean thinks Spike might be cheating with his assistant. Spike chuckles at this and says he's a people person. Then he admits to having "a thing" recently with a business associate. Dean asks if Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried-Headed Chippy was said "business associate." Spike admits that she was but that whatever they had going was done with long before her accident.
Sam and Dean tell Spike that he needs to be careful, implying that his wife might be vengefully cray cray.
The boys exit. There are more dead plants around Spike's home/office.
Sam tells Dean about all the witchy goodness that he found in Cordelia's closet. The boys decide that Cordy is a witch and Spike knows nothing about it. Dean makes a Bewitched reference. Sam notices the dead plants. They think Cordelia must be really powerful. So Dean calls Bobby for info on how to get rid of her. Dean and Sam leave and drive to Cordelia's new place.
Sam's faking car trouble in front of Cordy's house while Dean breaks in. Dean snoops and finds a Closet Of Hex with pics of the vics all marked with blood. There's a pic of Jenny the assistant that hasn't been bloodied yet.
Outside Cordy's house! Sam sees Cordelia driving up and calls Dean to warn him but the operator says all circuits are busy so Sam tries to stall Cordelia. He flashes his badge and asks if he can talk to her. She says yes but she's got something important to do right now so come back in half an hour. Sam tries harder to stall but Cordelia won't be deterred. She goes to her house. Sam sets off her car alarm in order to warn Dean. Dean hears it, takes the pic of Jenny and doesn't close the closet back all the way. D'oh!
Cordelia turns off her car alarm and Sam blames it on restless leg syndrome. Dean runs downstairs to hide. Cordelia enters. Dean exits and meets back up with Sam. He tells Sam about the photos of the victims and that Jenny The Assistant is next. He stole Jenny The Assistant's pic but eventually Cordy's gonna notice it's missing so they've got to book it to Jenny The Assistant's house, find the coin and destroy it before Jenny The Assistant bits the big one.
Cordelia is in her bedroom and sees the closet's cracked open and her Jenny pic has been taken.
Cupcakes! Or Jenny's house! Where she's making delicious cupcakes with pink frosting and multicolored sprinkles! Da-zam, Jenny is a cupcake-making machine!
Back to Cordelia's! She's got a spare picture of Jenny. She smears some blood on it and starts chanting. Cordy, NEVER kill someone that makes excellent cupcakes!
Meanwhile, Jenny enjoys the fruits of her labor. She bites into a cupcake and blood and icing drip on her mouth. Jenny is oblivious to the blood cos i guess her cupcakes are that fucking delicious. But then Jenny finally does notice that there's blood dripping down her arm from her cupcake which has a tiny beating heart in the center. Ewwwww! Jenny starts choking and puking up blood.
Dean and Sam bust into her apartment. Sam tries to find the coin while Dean tends to Jenny. Sam finds the coin on the top of Jenny's cabinets and shoots it with his gun. Jenny abruptly stops choking.
Now time for more commercials.
Ugh! i hate that commercial for Taylor Swift's perfume. Her "golly gee willikers" face gets on my nerves. It's like, you've been to every fucking country in the world what could you possibly be so "wonderstruck" about in this stupid commercial?
Jenny's freaking out about her disgusting cupcakes. Sam and Dean explain that she was hexed. They tell her she's got someone very powerful and very pissed off at her. And so she might wanna cool the sexy business with Spike. Jenny is confused cos she's got no sexy business with Spike. She even adds an "ew" for good measure.
Ugly paintings! Cordelia's holding an art auction and is getting the place ready for the event. Cordy's bff, Sue comes up and acts kinda like she's secretly in love with Cordelia. She evidently told Cordy about Spike and Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy's affair.
Spike enters. He confronts Sue for being a nosy bitch. Cordelia walks up. Spike wants to talk to her. Spike apparently knows that Cordelia was involved with Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy's death. Then they fight about who's fault it is that their marriage is over. Spike tells her that two FBI agents came by asking questions. She informs him that they're actually hunters and she'll take care of it. Spike tells Cordelia to stop. But Cordelia isn't going to. Spike walks outside. There's a rumbling noise. Spike's bust face breaks off.
The boys drive up in the Impala. Spike is peeved about the bust. Cordelia ain't playing, y'all.
Bobby calls with info on how to stop Cordelia. Apparently we're gonna need something weird and/or gross.
Art auction! Cordy's practicing her speech.
Motel! Dean eats pie. Sam comes in and lays down a bag of chicken feet on the table. And they are rank because whoever Sam bought them from, their power was out. He says there's blackouts and burst pipes all over. So Cordelia is pissed beyond just killing grass now.
Art auction! Spike drives up outside.
Cordelia gives her friend Sue a drink. Instead of two olives, there's an olive and an eyeball. Sue screams and drops her drink.
Outside, Spike smirks.
Back to Cordy. All the paintings start melting. Cordy is super pissed. Sue is super confused because Cordelia told her that it's Spike's fault that the paintings are being ruined. So Sue starts bad mouthing Spike. Suddenly a serving tray flies through the air and cuts her head off.
Spike continues smirking then drives away.
Cordelia declares war.
Impala! There are police and ambulances at the art auction. Sam and Dean go in to investigate. They don't think Cordelia would trash her own party. Obviously it was someone that hates her. The boys now believe that Spike is a witch too.
They leave.
Stalker Leviathan is stalking them in a car across the street.
Even more commercials.
Impala! The bros are waiting for Cordelia to show up at Spike's house. And here she is! Pissed as ever.
She storms into Spike's house.
Sam and Dean are right behind her with their chicken feet concoction. Dean starts with the Latin chanting. Sam lights the concoction on fire.
And it does......
Nothing.
Spike and Cordelia start their own chanting. Sam says time for plan B. If you can't kill them, counsel them.
Dean stops Spike and Cordy's chanting to tell them that obviously they could've gotten rid of each other long ago but they didn't which has got to mean that there's still something there, right? Dean starts getting a little pervy though so Sam takes over.
Cordelia says that she can't get over the fact that Spike cheated on her and thus thoroughly humiliated her.
Sam tells her that usually when a relationship falls apart, both parties have a hand in it. Spike agrees with this. Cordelia's pissed that Sam is defending Spike so she magically drops him to the floor.
Dean tries to smooth things over by saying nobody can defend Spike. Spike thinks Dean's sucking up to Cordelia. He magically punches Dean through a door.
Sam tries his hand at smoothing things over again but Cordelia magically pushes him down. Cordelia and Spike argue over the affair with Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy, which makes them bring up their 800 years of bad marriage behavior.
Cordelia starts in on Jenny but Dean tells her that actually there was nothing going on with Jenny. Cordelia throws him down again.
Spike apologizes to Cordy.
Sam tells them that this is a good thing, talking to each other. Dean gets smart assy. Cordelia pushes him against a wall. And Spike sics a swarm of bees on him.
Spike and Cordy have a touching moment where they both admit they could never kill each other. They start smooching.
Dean would really like them to call off the bees.
Commercials again.
Motel! Dean swigs from his flask. There may be an argument a-brewing about Dean's drinking but before we can get to that out steps Stalker Leviathan!
Stalker Leviathan tells the boys that he plans on killing them. Dean shoots at Stalker Leviathan but the bullet just falls to the ground.
Stalker Leviathan knocks the gun from Dean's hand and tosses his ass across the room. Sam tries to punch Stalker Leviathan but Stalker Leviathan grabs Sam's throat. Suddenly Stalker Leviathan gets all electrified-looking and falls to the ground. Spike walks in. He cast some kind of spell on Stalker Leviathan.
He tells them they need to drop the body in a bottomless pit somewhere cos this spell will only last a few days. Then he retrieves a coin from under the mattress. Oh those shifty witches.
Spike is awesome and then leaves.
The bros put Stalker Leviathan (now all chained up) in the back of the Impala.
Dean calls Bobby to tell him to get prepared for the Stalker Leviathan they're bringing his way.
Sam wants Dean to open like Spike and Cordelia did. He wants to know whatever it is that Dean isn't telling him. *cough* He killed Amy. *cough*
Sam tells Dean he can unload on him. But Dean, being stubborn as a mother, doesn't.
They get in the Impala and drive off.
Next time on Supernatural...
Supernatural: now with more pulp!
