Thursday, September 15, 2011

Yet Another Breaking Dawn Trailer (Now With Indepth Analysis!)

Yep. Another Breaking Dawn trailer has hit the interweb. i thought it'd be fun if, this time, i did a full-on indepth analysis of this shizz! Ready? Lets break it down!
Here is this week's trailer

0:11 seconds in---The Cullens and their horrible dye jobs are here for the party! There are also several other people behind them which i find odd since Bella only has like 5 friends and all Edward's friends are related to him and thus are in the front row already. Which begs the question: who the hell are all these people?!

0:16 seconds in---Bella and Charlie get ready to walk down the aisle. Bella looks nervous. Or constipated. i can't really tell which cos it's the constant state of Kristen Stewart's face.

0:25 seconds in---Vow voiceovers!

0:32 seconds in---Edward in a tux! Twihards around the globe swoon their pants off. Meanwhile i can't get over those stupid contacts they make Robert Pattinson wear. i HATE them! Like anyone actually gives a shit if his eyes are actually golden. i for one would rather Edward have NORMAL eyes than go by the book and have him look creepy as all get out and perhaps on the verge of glaucoma. 

0:43 seconds in---Jacob has to remind Bella that she's all alive and shit. Pack it in, buddy. She just got married. To someone else. You lost. Now go ogle a baby.

0:49 seconds in---Aw shit, it's honeymoon time, y'all! Get ready to cash in your V card!

0:58 seconds in---Bella has to get her wits about her cos shit's about to go down!

1 minute and 1 second in---Bed-breaking sex!

1 minute and 4 seconds in---Rest in peace, expensive feather pillows.

1 minute and 5 seconds in---Edward tells Bella "last night was the best night of my existence." That seems a little melodramatic. Plus i'd be willing to bet Bella wasn't that good.

1 minute and 8 seconds in---Lets make out under a waterfall!

1 minute and 13 seconds in---It's all waterfall kisses and ripped pillows until someone gets knocked up.

1 minute and 18 seconds in---Either Bella's baby kicked (which is totes ridick since she looks like she hasn't enjoyed a meal since the first Twilight) or she's contracted a serious case of Montezuma's Revenge. Hey, she could have easily swallowed some of that waterfall water.

1 minute and 21 seconds in---Edward hates babies.

1 minute and 24 seconds in---Hey we haven't shown any trees lately have we?

1 minute and 26 seconds in---Carlyle's all "the fetus is incompatible with your body." Yeah maybe that's because she looks like she swallowed a Tic Tac NOT like she's got a baby person growing all up in her. (Also, Carlyle looks like he tried, unsuccessfully, to dye his hair circa Angela Chase. Not a good look for him.)

1 minute 29 seconds in---Yay! Bella finally looks like she's actually pregnant!

1 minute 34 seconds in---Jacob also hates babies. (For now. *wink wink*) (Eww. i creeped myself out with that one.)

1 minute 35 seconds in---Alice can't see Bella's future. Can you see the way to a Super Cuts? The whole Cullen clan needs to road trip it to one STAT.

1 minute 40 seconds in---Werewolves, in general, hate babies too. They hate babies so much that they like to hang at the beach and plot a baby's demise.

1 minute 46 seconds in---Who let the dogs out! Who who who who!!! (i apologize for that one hit wonder moment.) (i also apologize for getting that song stuck in your head.)

1 minute 53 seconds in---Edward gets all stern and aggressive with his hatred for babies.

2 minutes in---Jacob tells his wolf bros "if you kill her, you kill me." Werewolves also hate ultimatums.

And then the next 10 seconds are all Cullens fighting wolves, vamps jumping through the woods, Charlie having a sad, wolf on wolf violence, then......

2 minutes 13 seconds in---Bella faints and it's time to deliver baby! Or vamp baby!

2 minutes 20 seconds in---Edward looks like "oh balls! am i gonna have to chew through this umbilical cord?!? Blech!"

2 minutes 26 seconds in---Did we mention you can see all this vampy, wolfy, baby fun beginning November 18th?

And that's it. So what did you guys think? It's kinda the same six scenes they've shown in past trailers just in a different order. But whatevs. This is the first time i've been even semi-excited by the prospect of seeing this movie so i guess this new trailer Jumble is working. 
Anyhoo, i'm dying to know what y'all thought. Sock it to me in the comments section!  

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