The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 12 Reviews

And now for the reviews of the final two books I read in 2011!

EvilEva reviews...... The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.

On a random Sunday night in New York City, Clary Fray and her friend Simon decide to hit the Pandemonium Club in an effort to beat boredom.
But Clary's night suddenly becomes anything but boring when she witnesses a murder. And finds out that the boy that was murdered was really a demon and the three teenagers who murdered him are Shadowhunters, a special group of warriors whose duty is to rid the world of his kind. Also shocking? It seems no one else is able to see them.
So obvs Clary's life is about to change big time. And it does. Her mother disappears and a demon attacks Clary in her own home. Then Clary is surprised to find one of the Shadowhunters, golden-haired pretty boy Jace, has come to her rescue. He whisks her off to the Institute to keep her safe and informs her that her mother might be in serious trouble. Like demon/warlock serious trouble. Oh and also that Clary herself may be a Shadowhunter.
So with this new, crazy information Clary begins her harrowing journey to find her mother and to find out the truth of who she really is.

I don't really know how to write this review. I wanted to like this book. I mean, I liked it but I wasn't exactly swept up into the Shadowhunter world like Stephenie Meyer evidently was based on her front cover blurb.  
And while I am curious to see what happens next, I'm not exactly clamoring to go out and buy City of Ashes right this very minute.
Truthfully I wasn't all that impressed with Clary as a heroine. There was something very Bella-esque about her in that she was constantly getting pushed to the side so that the menfolk could defend her honor and keep her safe. I mean, get some ovaries and go kick some ass, lady.
My problem wasn't solely with Clary though. Oh no. It was mainly with Jace. I felt NO swoon for him. He did absolutely NOTHING for my lady parts. I found him to be arrogant, condescending, cocky and rude. I understand that he's the Bad Boy and every girl loves a Bad Boy but I honestly don't. I don't care how many times you refer to his golden locks or his rock hard body. I will always wanna punch him in the throat.
I would much rather have Simon. Or maybe Luke. They were my favorites and I couldn't help but wish they were in the story more.
As for the story, I really should have liked the hell out of it. I mean, it's basically all about monster hunting. As is my favorite show, Supernatural. So this should have been a total slam dunk. But Clary and Jace are no Sam and Dean. And I never fully connected with either character.
That being said, there were a few good twists that I didn't see coming. However I feel like I didn't really get a chance to enjoy them because I first had to slog through 40 pages of filler that really had little to do with the book on the whole. Like Simon being turned into a rat and being stolen by the vampires. Other than introducing the werewolves who would play into the story later on, I really didn't see what that scene added to the story.
Running up against those filler scenes was frustrating. It's like my brain could tell when one was coming up and so it would kinda shut down so it took me longer to read through because I was busy trying to determine what this had to do with anything.
I don't know. I was really bummed that I didn't like this book more. I know a lot of people that do so I'm wondering if there are any other weirdos out there like me that couldn't really get into it.

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3.

EvilEva reviews...... The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart.

When Reynie Muldoon, an orphan from the Stonetown Orphanage, sees and advertisement in the local newspaper proclaiming:
"ARE YOU A GIFTED CHILD LOOKING FOR SPECIAL OPPORTUNITIES?"
he's very interested at the prospect of putting his smarts to the test.
But they are very odd tests with very odd questions, which makes Reynie very nervous.
In the end, however, Reynie and three other children (Sticky, Kate and Constance) pass and are escorted to the home of the strange Mr. Benedict.
Mr. Benedict has a special task for the four children to complete. They are to become spies. They'll be sent to an island that houses a mysterious school called the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened.
Once there, they are to assume the role of regular students while secretly spying on the founder of the Institute, the disturbingly familiar Mr. Curtain.
Their mission is to take what they've learned from Mr. Benedict, use their specific gifts and work together to take down Mr. Curtain and his diabolical plot to control the world.
But Reynie and his new friends are just children and Mr. Curtain is an evil genius.
Do they have what it takes to complete their mission?

This is really fun kid-lit. The characters are very likable. There are adventures a go-go. Plus there are puzzles and mind benders and even a quiz at the end of the book so that you can see if you've got what it takes to be a part of The Mysterious Benedict Society.
I read reviews where people drew parallels between this book and those of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket. I get those comparisons. The Mysterious Benedict Society is made up of four kids that are whip-smart and that need to use their unique brands of brilliance in order to outsmart the smarmy adults. They are also four kids that seem misplaced which is what brings them to the testing facility to begin with. They're looking for these "special opportunities" but they're also looking for a place where they belong.
The story is told primarily from Reynie's point of view. Reynie is an orphan with no real friends except for his tutor, Miss Perumal who encourages him to pursue the opportunities advertised in the paper. Reynie is smart but he truly excels at puzzles and brain teasers.
The day of the final test, Reynie meets Sticky (aka George) Washington. Sticky is a shy runaway that seems to have a photographic memory. He's very book smart and retains everything he reads. Unfortunately he's not very brave. But that's ok because on that day the boys also meet Kate Wetherall (aka The Great Kate Weather Machine) (also aka my personal favorite Society member) who is brave enough for all of them. She has a red bucket which she carries everywhere with her and which contains all of her special things. Kate is super resourceful and uses her special bucket things like a 12 year old girl version of Macgyver. She's always up for an adventure and she's very strong, qualities she no doubt cultivated when she RAN AWAY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS!!!
Lastly but not leastly, the children meet the final member of The Mysterious Benedict Society, Constance Contraire who is quite contrary. Constance is a short little thing with a short little fuse. She's fussy and stubborn and not at all agreeable. Reynie, Sticky and Kate often wonder throughout the book how Constance passed Mr. Benedict's tests as she doesn't seem particularly clever, resourceful or brave. But Constance proves to be as valuable a member of the society as any of the children. 
So Reynie, Sticky, Kate and Constance make up The Mysterious Benedict Society and it's up to them to stop the evil Mr. Curtain from succeeding in his dastardly plot to brainwash the world into submission.
Like I said before, this is fun kid-lit. If you're an adult, it brings you to that Goonies state of mind. Where kids can have fantastical adventures and outsmart the bad guys and inevitably save the day. If you're an actual kid, I imagine it's even better. :)

P.S. At the end of the book there's a letter from Mr. Benedict encouraging the reader to figure out his first name. If you wanna figure out the mystery yourself then by all means skip this part cos I'm about to amaze the fudge out of ya!

For the answer you'll have to check out the back of the book. Underneath the synopsis you'll notice a series of dots and dashes. This is Mr. Benedict's super-secret-unless-you-know-morse-code-which-I-of-course-do-because-i'm-a-girl-sleuth :) first name. It reads: 

-.  ..  -.-.  ....  ---  .-..  .-  ...   

AKA* 

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3 and a half.





*Nicholas!

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 11 Part 1 Reviews

Have y'all been desperately missing the antics of Karen Brewer, little sister to the bossiest, least likable member of The Baby-Sitters Club? Yeah me neither. But let's check in with her annoying ass anyway.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #1: Karen's Witch by Ann M. Martin.

 
Circa: 1988.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
* Karen is wearing a truly fulgy sweater and jeans that look about two sizes too long. Isn't your dad a millionaire? I know he is because it's mention ALL THE TIME in The Baby-Sitters Club series.
* Karen's face kinda looks like that kid's from Jerry Maguire. Also it looks like it may weigh more than 8 pounds.  
* She's spying on her neighbor whom she thinks is a witch. But Mrs. Porter is just old. And Karen is just stupid.
* Mrs. Porter's house is fucking sweet! Except for its close proximity to Karen's house. Only drawback.
* The tagline reads:

Is Karen's next-door neighbor a witch?

No, but Karen is an idiot.

Let's Review:
Karen Brewer is a six year old (almost seven year old!) busybody that's always all up in everyone else's Kool-Aid. She's also a close-minded dumbass who thinks her next door neighbor, Mrs. Porter is a witch just because she wears black and has white hair and owns a black cat and an herb garden.
One night after reading witch stories, Karen swears she sees Mrs. Porter, whom she's stupidly dubbed Morbidda Destiny, fly from the second floor window of her house on a broomstick. Karen is, of course, full of doo doo. 
So she decides to spy on The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny with her bff, Hannie. The girls overhear The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny talking to herself while gardening. She says something about an "important meeting," and "company coming," and "midnight." So Karen's dumb ass thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is planning a witches meeting at midnight. Well Karen won't stand for this bullshizz so she and Hannie go and filch some of The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's herbs from her garden and decide to make up their own spell to ward off the witches so that they can save their neighborhood. Save their neighborhood from what, I don't know. 
Anyway, they place the herbs in their pockets and march up to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's door. The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is surprised to see them since I would assume that she hates them and thus never invites them over to her house. But, be that as it may, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny lets the girls in. Bad move, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. 
Karen goes into the room where all the "witches" have gathered and she calls them out on their witchy ways and tells them that if they try to ruin her neighborhood then she will fucking bury them. And by fucking bury them she means tattle on them to her super rich daddy. Then Hannie starts crying. 
Karen's grandmother, who happens to be friends with The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny, explains to Karen that this isn't a witch meeting, it's a garden club meeting. Grams makes the girls apologize for being so stupid and then escorts them off of the property. 
Karen's taken home and forced to explain to her parents that she spied on their neighbor and falsely accused her and all her friends of being evil witches and warlocks. But Karen doesn't get in much trouble cos she was oh so nobly trying to save the neighborhood. From gardeners. 
But her parents do make her write an apology letter to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. And that's all for her punishment. Even though she totes still thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is a witch. 
So Karen basically learned......... um, nothing. 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, natch. For this:

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Let's pretend we're witches. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Uh, bitch, this whole time you've been a huge a-hole about Mrs. Porter maybe being a witch and now you wanna pretend to be one?!?!? So I guess the only acceptable way to be a witch is if you're Karen. What a bitch!

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #3: Karen's Worst Day by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Aw, Boo Boo the cat looks like a neighborhood cat that used to take up residence in our backyard all the time. I mean, except for the Hitler mustache. 
* Karen looks so stupid on this cover. She doesn't look like she's upset that Boo Boo tree-ed himself just to get away from her. She looks like someone just beamed her upside the head with a pine cone. Oh how I wish that someone was me.
* Karen has a lot of signatures on her cast. I find it hard to believe that that many people like Karen enough to want to sign her cast. Although, truth be told, I've always wanted to sign someone's cast:
Way to go, dumbass!
Karen's would be the perfect cast to sign that way!

Let's Review:
Karen is having a really bad day. In fact it's her Worst Day EVER! In fact it may be the Worst Day of anyone's life Ever EVER! Karen is in no way overdramatizing the horribleness of this day. I mean, she started the day waking up from a nightmare! Then she realizes that she forgot her new fave jeans with the zippers up the sides at her mom's house!
Then Andrew gets the last of the Crunch-O's cereal and the prize! And even when Elizabeth tries to help make Karen less bitchy by giving her a new box of Crunch-O's, Karen is devastated to find that the prize pack is EMPTY! I mean, who cares that there are starving non-bitchy children in Africa that would totally take that cereal even without a prize.
So Karen decides to turn her day around by watching some hilarious Mr. Ed reruns. But Mr. Ed's timeslot has been hijacked by some "special program." Probably about those hungry African kids. Man, Karen just cannot catch a break.
But it's still early in the morning so maybe Karen can make herself feel better by playing with Shannon the dog. But Shannon, much like myself, can't be bothered with Karen and her dumbassery. So Karen tries to play with Boo Boo the cat instead. But Boo Boo, much like myself, would rather climb a tree than hang out with Karen. Finally Boo Boo jumps down but still has no interest in playing with Karen.
Meanwhile, Morbidda Destiny is busy minding her own business in her own yard and exclaims "fiddlesticks!" Which Karen, being a complete moron, thinks is a curse. So Karen runs inside.
Then Karen's bff Hannie comes over with her brother and asks if Karen and David Michael would like to ride bikes to Harry's Brook to catch minnows and have a picnic.
Well Karen loses her shit and calls Hannie a toad because she so insensitively asked Karen to ride bikes when she knows good and damn well that Karen can't ride a bike on account of her broken arm. Karen storms back into the house while Hannie, her brother and David Michael pedal off to enjoy a Karen-free afternoon.
Kristy doesn't get off so easily. She's forced to play checkers with Satan. I mean, Karen. But Karen gets pissy when Kristy lets her win so she storms off yet again.
Then even more bad shit happens.
Karen's stuffed cat gets ripped, there's no more cherry Italian ice on Mr. Tastee's ice cream truck and Andrew got a package and Karen didn't so she acts like an even bigger d-bag to him since he can totally control when people mail shit to him.
But finally at dinnertime, things start turning around. Karen's family discuss their own horrible days and Karen realizes that as far as bad days go she would hold the record for the most shitious things happening to a person in one day! So Karen is a winner!  
Then things get Even Better after dinner cos Charlie and Sam take Karen to go get ice cream. And the ice cream parlor actually has exactly what Karen wants. And Charlie's friends thought Karen was 26 and that she was Charlie's girlfriend which delights Karen to no end because she doesn't understand how you're not supposed to date your stepbrother especially if you're 10 years older than him.
Anyway, they go home and Karen apologizes to all the people who felt her wrath today. And everyone accepts her apology because you don't wanna be on Karen's shit list. The end!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, for her explanation of why she's going to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to her brother Andrew:

"Do you want me to read it to you?" If I read it, you might understand how I felt. And why I yelled at you."

Uh, you yelled at him because you're a jackass that can't be happy for anyone else.

Well y'all, it's official--- No more Karen Brewer in 2011!!! Yay!!! We survived!!! Will we be as lucky in 2012? We'll just have to wait and see. ;) 

EvilEva's Trailer Park Presents: Books Into Movies For All Ages!!!

There seems to be Books Into Movies overload coming our way. And there also seems to be a little something something for everyone. So i've compiled a little listy-poo for you guys starting with some kid-lit, Dr. Seuss awesomeness and ending with THE OFFICIAL TRAILER FOR THE HUNGER GAMES!!!

First up we have The Lorax which is of course based on the book of the same name written by the best children's book author EVER, Dr. Seuss! . The movie stars the vocal talents of Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Ed Helms, Betty White and little Danny Devito as the lorax. It's set to hit theaters on March 2nd, 2012. 



Next up, more kid-lit! This one's not headed for the big screen but the small. SyFy is at it again, taking a beloved classic (previously Alice in Wonderland and The Wizard of Oz) and turning it into a SyFy Original Movie Event. This time they're taking on Peter Pan and making a prequel titled Neverland. The trailer tells us that this is before Peter met Wendy, before the boys were lost and before Hook became Captain. So it sounds like a pretty interesting premise. The stars of this miniseries are Charlie Rowe, Rhys Ifans, Anna Friel, and Keira Knightley as the voice of Tinkerbell. Neverland begins December 4th at 9pm and you can catch the conclusion December 5th at 9pm. 



Keeping with the fairy tale theme, here's the trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman. This one stars Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth. It's supposed to be in theaters some time next summer. i gotta say, the graphics look pretty cool. They've even made Kristen Stewart look less like she's about to stick her head in an oven. God, CGI is such a wonder, huh?



So this isn't based on a book but the main character, played by Charlize Theron, is a young adult author. Which i think is pretty cool cos when are our folks ever represented in anything?! Not that the character that Mizz Theron is playing seems to be doing real YA authors any justice. She seems like a ginormous mess of a person.
Anyhooties, Patrick Wilson and Patton Oswalt also start in this flick which comes out in theaters December 9th.



i posted a trailer for Girl With The Dragon Tattoo a while back but this one is more "movie trailer" less "movie clips coupled with Euro dance music." So if you haven't read the books, this trailer will give you more insight into what you can expect from the movie. It stars Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara. You can catch it in theaters starting December 21st.   



And now the biggest of all bigs:
FINALLY!!! THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIE TRAILER!!!



Ok, i don't know about y'all but i totally fangirled it out while watching this!!! In my opinion this movie is going to be awesome!!! i think the official trailer is totally rad and i think we'll all be eating our hats when March comes. i hope so. i hope that we were all totes wrong this whole time that we've been bitching and moaning about certain casting choices. Maybe i'm being a little too optimistic here. But i'm really hoping for a little more Harry Potter a little less Twilight. Agree?

So what do you guys think? Which movies are you super excited to see? Sound off in the comments section.

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 9 Part 2 Reviews

Well y'all it's time for more gigundoly shitty reading. You know what that means. More of that controlling bitch Karen Brewer. Lets see if we can stand her for two whole books.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters: Little Sister #101: Karen's Chain Letter by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1998.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*OMG Karen has a fucking side-ponytail! Bitch, this is circa: 1998, what are you doing still wearing a side-pony?!
*Karen, ditch the Sally Jesse glasses already. 
*I know they have schools for the blind but do they also have special schools for the really, really near-sighted? Why is everyone wearing glasses?
*The boy on the cover, who I can only assume is that nub Ricky Torres, looks way overeager. he looks like he may have just jizzed his pants in delight. 

Lets Review:
Karen has a new hobby. Stamp collecting! And she is gigundoly excited about it even though it sounds like about the dullest thing EVER. But Karen wishes she could get even more stamps so she almost shits her pants with joy when she gets a chain letter because Karen is an idiot! This chain letter promises good luck and postcards.
So Karen gets super excited about this chain letter business. That is, until her dad completely shatters all of her stamp collecting dreams by shutting down her idea because it's too "dangerous" to willingly send "complete strangers" your home address especially when you're a "minor."
Well Karen won't let a little thing like her dad telling her no stop her. She decides to put her name along with the address of... her school on the chain letter. Cos Karen's a thinker, y'all.
While Karen waits for her postcards to come pouring in, she proudly shows off her stamp collection to anyone that'll look at it. Suddenly stamp collecting fever hits Ms. Colman's second grade class much like the Beanie Baby craze of yesteryear. 
Karen finally starts getting a butt ton of postcards (and even better--- stamps!) Her chain letter is finally paying off! Which means now all of her classmates wanna get in on it too. But Ms. Colman isn't happy. She doesn't wanna be Karen's personal postal worker and is pissed that her class is interrupted every time Karen gets mail. So Ms. Colman calls Karen's dad and she gets in big fat trouble cos she lied when she told Ms. Colman that using the school's address was her father's idea.
So now whenever Karen receives a postcard she has to share the stamps with her loser classmates. Even worse than having to--- Eww!---share, the other kids were smart enough to print their own addresses on the chain letter so they get the stamps from their postcards  and half of Karen's! Boo and bullfrogs, it's so unfair! 
So Karen acts like a brat cos stamp collecting was her idea first and now because Ms. Colman is such a ginormous bitch, Karen's collection is gonna be the shittiest in the class. All seems lost, but then Ricky actually reads his postcard and the class finds out that these children that have been writing to their selfish asses were actually waiting for a response. So then Karen comes up with the idea of starting their own class website so that they might correspond with these kids more expediently than with snail-mail. So Ms. Colman agrees to start a website cos you don't wanna be on Karen's shitlist too long and everything ends the way it's supposed to--- Karen's way.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
It's a tie! First we congratulate Karen's dad for this nugget:

"First of all," said Daddy, "it is against the law to send some chain letters through the mail. The post office keeps track of these things. If you send a chain letter that tells people to send money, you can be arrested."

What!?! I'm pretty sure you'll only get arrested if your chain letter is laced with anthrax. But thanks for the scare tactic, Mr. Brewer (and subsequently Ann M. Martin.)And second we have to give it to Karen for her unflagging self importance:

One thing surprised me. None of the messages mentioned me specifically.

Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters: Little Sister #107: Karen's Copycat by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1999.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Karen looks especially douche-y on this cover. She's got her lower lip poked out, pouting like a baby over some flacid penis.
*Meanwhile the chick next to Karen, well her penis has a total hard on.
*Bitch, it is 1999. You are on the cusp of the new millennium, what is with the fucking side-ponytail?
*The tagline reads:

Karen knows it's wrong but...

...she really wants Patrick Swayze's ghost to help her not suck at pottery.

Lets Review:
Karen and Andrew have a new nanny! Her name is Merry and she is gigundoly awesome! Merry is also a potter and since she has no other choice, she lets Karen and Andrew join her class. Karen assumes that she's gonna be the best damn potter that ever lived cos she's that delusional. But when she starts class she soon realizes that pottery is harder than she thought. Even worse, there's a girl named Isabel who is the dopest potter in the land.
Well this simply cannot be. Someone is better than Karen at something? Preposterous!
So Karen decides to steal one of Isabel's exquisitely coiled vases and claim it as her own. But Karen starts developing stealers remorse (which is like buyers remorse but for thieves.)
So Karen thinks about confessing until she learns that Isabel is absent the day they decorate the pottery. So Karen will make the vase unrecognizable to Isabel by adding triangles and squiggly lines. Karen thinks she's the criminal mastermind of the pottery world. But slow your roll Karen cos at the next class Isabel it back! And she totes notices that the vase is hers even through Karen's subpar squiggles. 
Well Isabel won't stand for this big steaming pile of bullshit. She totally calls Karen out in front of the whole class! Karen thinks there's no way Isabel can prove that Karen's a big fat lying liar that lies (and steals!) But Isabel can prove it cos she's a lefty which means she coils counterclockwise as opposed to all the righties in class that coil clockwise. So suck on that, Karen! 
Merry looks over "Karen's vase" and discovers counterclockwise coils. She is disappointed that she's the nanny of a liar and a thief. Karen gets in trouble for being such a horrible human being. Merry makes her push the chairs in after class and apologize to Isabel for totes ripping off her work. Which is getting off pretty easy if you ask me. Merry even tells Karen that she doesn't have to tell her parents specifically why she's in trouble, just that she got in trouble in class. So Karen feels all contrite and shit so she's then rewarded with a special pottery class just for her and her friends. And they even get to use the pottery wheel which Isabel never got to use! 
Look I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't fuck with Karen Brewer. Somehow she always gets her way. Even if she has to be a complete menace to do it. 
In fact, I'm really sticking my neck out here for you guys, making fun of Karen like this. 
If my posts suddenly stop--- y'all know who will be responsible. :)

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, for her reasoning on why certain rules don't apply to her:

Perhaps complaining about copying was not the smartest thing to do. After all, I had been copying Isabel. But that was different somehow. (I was not sure exactly how, but it did feel different to me.)

You're not exactly sure how it's different because it's NOT different, you hypocritical wad! Instead of Karen's Copycat, this book should have been called Karen's A Stupid Bitch That Thinks Copying Is Only OK When She Does It. Although I guess that's kinda long for a book title.

You're in luck (and so am I) cos we're done with Karen for awhile.
Coming in October: more R.L. Stine Fear Street nostalgic goodness!

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 7 Part 2 Reviews

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 7 Part 1 Reviews

We know Karen Brewer but we don't know her know her. So I've decided that this month I'm gonna read from the Baby-Sitters Little Sister series so that we may better acquaint ourselves with Kristy's bossy pants stepsister. And, TRUTH SERUM TIME: this series was like book crack to me when I was A Little. I remember LOVING these books and wanting to be total besties with Karen. After reread just four books I've decided that clearly I was insane as a child and should have probably been on some type of medication cos Karen is just awful and these books are terrible. But I can't help feeling a little nostalgic. My 8 year old self is totally cussing out my 28 year old self right now. Calm down, 8 year old me, and enjoy these full o' snark reviews of your greatest treasures.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #9: Karen's Sleepover by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1990.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*Karen has buck teeth, HUGE Sally Jesse Raphael glasses and a side ponytail. How does she even have enough friends to invite to a sleepover?!
*Who in the fuck is that cracked-out looking Pippy Longstockings?!? God, she looks super evil! I'd check inside her babydoll for homemade shivs if I were y'all.
*Goddamn at the scrunchies.
*The tagline reads:

Will Pamela ruin all the fun?

I'm guessing Pamela is the sad sack sitting in the chair with her man hands clasped in her lap. Maybe she's no fun because she's self conscious about her gigantic man hands, Karen! You're such a fucking bitch!
*Who decorates for a sleepover with balloons and streamers?

Lets Review:
Karen has a Great Idea! Of course she fucking does, she is Kristy's stepsister after all. There's got to be a trickle-down effect of good idea-having over at Watson's HUGE ass mansion.
Anyhoodles, Karen's Great Idea is to have her first ever sleepover! And she's gonna invite every girl in her class cos she doesn't know how sleepovers work. How are you gonna talk smack about that one b-hole in class that you and all your friends totally HATE if your stupid ass decided to invite her over?!? God Karen, for a person with glasses, you sure are stupid.
So everyone starts to get their invitations. Yes. This dumb bitch sent out invitations to a sleepover. To all the girls IN HER CLASS . Even though she could've like saved a tree or some shit and just told them at recess that they were invited. 
But Nancy, Karen's BFF, hasn't gotten her invite yet and apparently doesn't know how that whole "postal service thing" works cos she totes gets all butthurt cos she thinks that for some dumbass reason Karen didn't invite her even though Karen TOLD HER TO HER FACE that she was invited. So all week Nancy is totally harshing on Karen's sleepover buzz. And Karen is getting tired of her bullshizz. 
Then Nancy calls Karen and tells her Hooray her invitation has FiNALLY arrived! And Karen's all "you know what bitch? you've given me so much fucking grief about this, I now un-invite you!" So then Nancy's all "bitch I'm never talking to you again!"
Then a new girl named Pamela joins Karen's class. For all you BSC aficionados out there, Pamela is basically a mini Stacey. All the girls keep talking about her phat wardrobe! 
Anyhoo, Karen thinks "perfect! iIknow a way to get back at stupid Nancy! I'll invite this new chick to replace her! Nancy will be so faced! Bwahahaha!" And then she would of course wring her evil hands.
Finally the day comes! It's sleepover time! 
Karen decorates the playroom with crepe paper and balloons. Again, because Karen doesn't understand the art of the sleepover.
So the sleepover is in full swing and all the girls are having fun! Except Lil' Stacey. I mean, Pamela. She doesn't want to sleep on the floor or eat pizza and is just generally being a douchebaguette . Well Karen gets frustrated, thinking she may not be the hostess with the mostess. So she calls Nancy because apparently Nancy is not the type of girl that would put up with Stacey Lite, I mean, Pamela's shit. Karen apologizes and tells Nancy that she is re-invited to her sleepover so that she can help Karen deal with Stacey Jr, I mean Pamela's cranky pants.
So Nancy comes over and apologizes to Karen for being a total turd about the invite in the first place. They forgive each other and bond over their sudden mutual hatred for 7 year old Stacey, i mean, Pamela.
That Monday, at school, all the girls think that Karen's sleepover was the best ever! (Cos they've never been to another one before.) But even though Karen and Nancy (and the forgotten Musketeer, Hannie) have decided that they will hate non-diabetic Stacey, I mean Pamela, for all eternity, the other girls in the class are still betwixt by her cool clothes.
Karen and Nancy (and the forgotten Musketeer, Hannie) vow that they will now be known as The Three Musketeers and they'll be friends forevs and never let a stupid argument come between them again.
And I thought we were gonna Learn An Important Lesson about how Pamela was shy and self conscious because she was new to town and didn't know anyone so that's why she was acting so weird but I guess she was just a bitch that thought she was better then Karen cos she thought sleeping on the floor was stupid and Karen's blankie and stuffed cat were babyish.
So, fuck Pamela, I guess.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen of course. This is, no joke, page one, sixth sentence, second paragraph of the book:

Hi. My name is Karen Brewer. I'm seven years old, which is a very good age. I have a little brother named Andrew, an adopted sister, a stepsister, and three stepbrothers. I wear glasses and I have some freckles. Once I got a horrible haircut, but now my hair is grown out and back to normal. It is pretty long.

So. If you couldn't already tell, Karen is a bit of an over-sharer.
I don't need your life story, bitch, just tell me about this sleepover already.

Bonus Shizz:
This wouldn't be bonus shizz in anyone else's book, but in my borrowed copy someone has written their name in the front of the book. That person is: Sara Force!
Now, that exclamation point is not because I know this "Sara Force" and what a cowinky-dink that I've stumbled upon one of her old books.
No, that exclamation point is because Sara Force sounds like the COOLEST NAME EVER! She sounds like a ready-made superhero!
Patrolling the streets of Stoneybrook in shadow. Keeping children and baby-sitters safe. Ridding the town of evildoers. It's! Sara Force!
And then there'd be super patriotic music and a flag whipping in the wind and Sara Force would be front and center with her hands on her hips, clad in a black catsuit of some sort. And it would be AWESOME!!!

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #20: Karen's Carnival by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1991.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Karen is at the fortune teller booth, reading the palm of some kid. The look on her face seems to say "I don't know how to tell you this but... you only have 3 months to live, boo."
*Does Karen always wear a side ponytail/scrunchie combo? Is that a "Karen" thing? Let me guess, she thinks this makes her look "gigundo" cool?
*Karen's head looks SUPER misshapen in this pic. I guess the top part of her head appears so large because it's so full of Great Ideas.
*I want to go to the Cold Drinks booth. I wonder if they carry Skinnygirl Margaritas. I deserve a stiff one after reading about this chick.

Lets Review:
Karen and her fellow Musketeers, Hannie and Nancy, are SOOOOO BORED! There is NOTHING to do! Except roller skate. In theory. In reality, Hannie's skates are too small, Nancy doesn't even own a pair and Karen's skates are currently at the little house.
So they decide they'll go to the park instead. But only if they can walk there all by themselves. Well Karen's stepmother has seen one too many Datelines and tells them it's too far for them to go alone but she would be glad to drive them there.
This "free car ride" does not jive well with these brats, so they decline the offer because it is better to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING than to not get your way. So the girls have a spectacularly boring time. Until they decide that they can get cash so that they can buy some roller skates. But how could they get money? They're only 7! So they put on their thinking caps and that's when Karen comes up with yet another Great Idea. They'll have a carnival! They get really excited about this idea and about how soon enough they'll be roller skating it up!
Karen's real mom picks her and her dimwitted little brother up and tells them that there are plans to build a new playground in Stoneybrook within walking distance of Watson's house! How serendipitous since Karen had just been bitching about this in the previous chapter!
(P.S. Isn't Watson a fucking millionaire?! This mofo can't just purchase one of those elaborate swingset/slide/fort dealies they've got at Toys R Us?)
So Karen tells her besties that instead of using their carnival money for skates, they'll use it for the new playground!
Well Hannie has a shit fit cos homegirl seriously wants some roller skates.
But Karen, being the bossy bitch she is, tells Hannie "tough shit. the carnival money from the carnival we have not yet thrown will go to the playground fund, NOT for roller skates for your janky feet!"
This, of course, leads to a fight. I think it must be very hard being Karen's friend because at any given moment she will hate you.
So Karen now hates Hannie's roller skate-wanting ass. But not for long. The girls actually squash their beef within a few chapters. So they're all friends again now that they're doing exactly what Karen wants.
Now that we're all back on track (God, Hannie! Quit trying to have your own opinions!) it's time to buy things like prizes and lemonade mix for the carnival. But wait. That shit costs a fair amount of scratch which the girls don't have because they're only 7. (Even though Karen's dad is a millionaire.)
So they ask their parents to pony up. All the parents give $10. (Really Watson? $10? Way to dig deep, man.) Now they have $54! They buy everything they'll need and then it's...
Carnival Time!
The carnival is, of course, called Karen's Carnival cos she's a selfish bitch that shuns others ideas.
There are game booths and refreshments and a rummage sale and Nancy is selling friendship bracelets and Karen is the fortune teller.
They have a lot of customers. And even that creepy "witch" "Morbidda Destiny" from next door spends some cash.
Then the girls rudely end the carnival because it's 4 o' clock which is when the carnival was supposed to end and it's gonna whether you're done with your ringtoss or not because Karen's feet and back hurt goddamnit! So the carnival comes to a close.
Lets count our money! I bet we made a bajillion dollars!
Wait. What'd you say, Nancy? We made $32.40? But we put in $54! How can this even be?!?!
Karen goes to Kristy heartbroken because of her own dumbassedness. Kristy asks how much the prizes cost. They were 50 cent and a dollar a piece. And the girls only charged 25 cents at each booth. So Kristy's all "you should've charged more, dipshit."
But, of course, none of this really matters anyway because the citizens of Stoneybrook have already raised enough money for the playground.
So the playground is built, and now Karen and her friends are bored again, this time with all the playground equipment because they've already played on all of it and you know what would be A LOT of fun?! if we could go roller skating on the blacktop over there!
Oh brother, here we go again!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
It's a two-fer. This one takes place while Karen and Hannie are arguing about what to name the carnival. Karen, of course, thinks it should be named Karen's Carnival since it was her Great Idea. But Hannie thinks Karen's a beast that always has to get her way. So they solve this argument like reasonable second graders. That is to say, Hannie gives Karen her way. Check how Hannie folds like a cheap suit:

I did not say anything.
Finally Hannie sighed. "Okay," she said. "We'll call it Karen's Carnival."
"Thank you," I replied.
After that we made lots more signs announcing my carnival.

See what happened there, Hannie? You relented and all of a sudden it's "MY" carnival. You and Nancy need to nip this shizz in the bud before Karen's head gets any bigger. (See: cover of this book.)
So you need to stop with that and follow this line of action instead:

And guess what. Hannie hit me. She put her own arm out and she punched my hand. Hard.

Now that is a Hannie I can get behind!

So, have you had enough of Karen and her slaves, i mean, fellow Musketeers, yet? Well too bad cos we've still got two more of her books to suffer through. So bring it back here for even more gigundo fun! 

Books Into Movies News Plus Spoilerrific Harry Potter Finale Goodness

One of my favorite YA book series, The Luxe by Anna Godbersen, will soon be getting a Hollywood movie makeover. Which has me kinda concerned as it's being described as "a young Moulin Rouge."
That worries me because, for one thing, this book is NOTHING like Moulin Rouge, and secondly, i HATED Moulin Rouge! So. Fingers crossed they won't fuck this one up.

Ally Carter's Heist Society (which is TBRing it on my shelves right now) will also be going from book to movie soon, with Drew Barrymore signed on as one of the producers. No word on who will star in it yet but i'll keep you posted.

Popular kid-lit, The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick, which will apparently be known simply as Hugo in Martin Scorsese's movie version, finally has a trailer out. Check it out:



Two words. Hit. Girl!!! i think Chloe Moretz is beyond awesome! Plus she's got a really good British accent! The movie looks pretty interesting. i still haven't read the book yet but i'm thinking it might need to be added to the ol' teetering TBR pile.

And now, finally, the Harry Potter finale goodness! So...

Depending on how far you've read/viewed:

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

So, other than breaking all kind of box office records, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is fucking AWESOME!!! OMG!!! So obvs i just got back from seeing it. i went with 2D but, honestly, i kinda wish i had sprung for that extra D.
The special effects were incredible. The whole movie is so super tense. When i left the theater my legs were stiff from being scrunched up so tight. i was worried bout my peeps, y'all.

Stand-out moments? Lets see...
Not to sound like a perv or anything but the Ron/Hermione kiss was swoontastic!
Molly Weasley kicking Bellatrix's ass. And calling her a bitch!
Neville champing it up all while rocking a Cosby/Mr. Rogers hybrid sweater like only Neville can.
Also Neville slicing Nagini is truly a cheerworthy moment.
Snape! Oh the Snapeyness!
Harry's badass wand fight against Voldemort.
Snape's emotional flashback. Alan Rickman did a phenom job of taking his character from monotone to vulnerable.
The dragon ride was so visually amazing.

Ok. For reals? i totally wanna go see this movie again!
However, my advice to you, dear friends, would be this:

When you go--- DON'T take a Muggle with you. They ask too many questions which then distracts you, a Hogwarts alum, from completely enjoying the movie. Seriously. At one point my mom turned to me, gasped and said "Oh my God! Is Snape Harry's daddy?!" Mom. Seriously? Calm it down with this ridiculousness. Now lets go get our 3D tickets for next weekend. :)



The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 4 Reviews

Time to make an adjustment. We put on our big girl panties for a more sophisticated trip down Memory Lane for The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge. So now lets slip on our Underoos so that we may tackle some of the kid-lit that has accumulated in our TBR pile. Starting with a Newbury Award winner.

EvilEva reviews...... The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman.

Nobody Owens, Bod if you please, is a normal boy that lives in a graveyard and is raised by ghosts. His family was killed by a man named Jack. And now Jack is on a mission to destroy the one that got away. But Bod has been given the Freedom of the Graveyard. He knows the lay of the land and all the creatures that inhabit it. Like the ghouls and the witch and the Sleer. Bod has friends in low places. Six feet low. And they'll do anything to protect him to ensure that he lives another day.

I was hoping I would like this book more than I did. Not to say that I didn't like it. Of course if did. It's by Neil Gaiman. I adore Coraline. It's just, the pace was a little wonky to me.
It started out strong with the man Jack. Neil Gaiman did not play around in that first chapter, y'all. But for several chapters after that it was just the story of Bod growing up in the graveyard and the ghosts he meets and the adventures he has traipsing through the cemetery. It's one of those things where the author has to tell you that story so he can tell you this story. So it was kinda like a collection of short stories that eventually connect at the end. Which I figured out when everything started coming together but while I was reading it I kept thinking, why do I need to know this, what happened to Jack, why isn't Silas better preparing Bod for the real world? Like I said though, it all comes together in the end.
I liked Bod. I think he was a good protagonist. But my fave character would have to be Liza Hempstock, the witch. I really liked her and her story. I also liked Silas, Bod's guardian. I wish there was more of his backstory though. And I'd really like to know what exactly he is.
Other than the odd pacing, I enjoyed this book. I've always had a weird fascination with graveyards. I'm more intrigued than creeped out whenever I find myself in one so I thought the whole premise of being raised in one and conversing with the residents there to be pretty cool.

The Scale of Judgment...... 3.

EvilEva reviews...... 100 Cupboards by N.D. Wilson.

After the mysterious disappearance of his parents, 12 year old Henry is sent to live with his aunt, uncle and three cousins in their Kansas farmhouse. One night, while trying to sleep, Henry hears strange thumping and bumping from the other side of the attic walls. He removes the plaster and finds something very unexpected. 99 cupboards in various shapes and sizes. Each cupboard leads to a strange and different world. Henry and his cousin Henrietta start investigating the cupboards. Some lead to beautiful lands. Others to dreary, unkind places. The kids are having fun jumping through worlds but something insidious has stepped out of one of the doors. And it wants Henry's blood.

This is the first book in the series and there are two others out now. I liked this one and I think that kids would like it too. It's that whole wondrous feeling that you get when you're little and a door can lead you so much further than just the back of the closet. As a kid I can remember always wanting to find a secret room or a hidden door or an uneven floorboard with a compartment underneath. (Never did though. My house, it seems, is just a house.) Well this is the story that I wished for myself. Henry and Henrietta find these cupboards and discover that there are all these different worlds going on in them. There is danger and excitement and anxiety and adventure. I liked that the kids were smart and so brave. They got into jams and would try to figure their way out of them.
My favorite character was Henrietta. I thought she kicked so much ass especially for a little kid. I also liked Blake the cat. He was very protective and I thought that was pretty cute. Kinda made me want a cat. And I don't even like cats.
I thought all the cupboards and the places they lead to were really interesting. If I were to find myself in the Willises attic and could open any of the doors, I'd choose: Door 1. Library (duh) Door 58 Hollow. Door 63 Lighthouse. And Door 89 Loft. I don't know what I'd find there but those are the doors that interested me.
My only problem was that the book starts out a little slow. It picks up fairly quickly though so it wasn't that big of a deal. It kinda reminded me of Alice in Wonderland, going through a mysterious door, meeting odd people, discovering strange lands. It's a really great adventure book for kids (and kids at heart that are still looking for that secret passage.)   
Dandelion Fire is the second book in this series. And I think I'll pick it up. I'd like to see how this series plays out.

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3 and a half.