Book Resolutions For 2014

It's that time of year again!  Time for resolutions!  More specifically, BOOK resolutions!
So while thinking about what I would like to bookishly resolve to do this year, I figured it only made sense to take a look back on previous years and previous resolutions.
And you know what I found?  I really suck at keeping them!
But I shan't let that lack of achievement stop me.  Hells no!
I will learn from my past mistakes!

So this year I've resolved NOT to get all resolution crazy.  Instead I will focus all my bookish energy on keeping the mere 2 resolutions that I've come up with.  So, without further ado, here are my Book Resolutions for 2014:

1.  I will STOP obsessing about hitting that coveted "100 books read" mark and I will instead enjoy the books I do manage to read and I will review and post them promptly.  (Normally and shamefully, I put the "pro" in procrastinator.  I'd like to stop that shit and start blogging on the regular.  You know, like a blogger does.) 

2.  I will start up The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge again!  I've been wanting to do this one for a while now.  I've kinda missed the BSC, and the Sweet Valley gang, and the effed up horrors of R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike.  I've also missed being super snarky.  ;)

So, there you have it. My very short list of Book Resolutions for 2014!
What about you guys?  Got any Book Resolutions of your own that you'd like to share?  Well dish it up in the comments section or you can find me on Twitter @girlsleuth and share your rezzies by using the hashtag #BookResolutions.

Have a happy new year, y'all! And happy reading!!!

Book Resolutions For 2013!

January is probably one of my favorite months. Second only to October which has the unfair advantage of not only being my birth month but also being home to Halloween AND having pretty much the best weather of the year here in South Georgia (it's not so stiflingly hot as it is during the summer and it's still at least two months away from actual cold weather.)
Anyhoo, i like January because it's all about change and resolving to better yourself and straight up renewing your shizz. So yay for January!!!  
Since it's a brand new year, it's time for brand new resolutions!
So here are my Book Resolutions For 2013!!!

*My first resolution is ALWAYS on my rezzy list. Every year i try my damnedest to read at least 100 books. And i'll be trying again in 2013. Wish me luck with this one, y'all.  

*My second is to read more non-fiction books. i feel that this might make me feel smarter. Memoirs count as non-fiction, right?    

*Numero tres resolution is to start up The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge again this year! i did it in 2011 and i really enjoyed myself. So i've decided to dive back into my book-nerdy childhood this year too! 

*Fourthly i resolve to post more reviews and post them more frequently. Last year was a big ol' clustereff so i got quite slacky posting my reviews in a timely manner. Well no more, my friends! 2013 will be the year of prompt posts!

*Rezzy number five is to read more "adult" fiction. Recently (whilst i reorganized my bookshelves over Christmas break) i noticed that i almost solely drink from the cup of YA. Even though i'm An Old! And should totally NOT be reading about teens and their love affairs with vampires, werewolves, angels or whathaveya! So i've decided that this year i'll try to read like an actual adult. (There are decent grown up books out there, right? RIGHT!?!?!)

*And my last resolution is one that i have struggled with for quite some time. But this year, hopefully i'll master it. i want to try to read more of "The Classics." For some reason *cough*they're boring*cough* i just can't seem to make myself read them. i'd rather see what supernatural so-n-so is trending right now. But i think it's about time that i stop with the Ciffs Notes-ing and START actually reading! Wish me luck on this one too. 

So those are my Book Resolutions for this year. 
What about you? Are there any bookish things you'd like to try out this year? Ones you wanna quit? Books you for sure, without a doubt, totally wanna read? Ways you wanna challenge yourself? Dish it up in the comments section or you can share your Book Resolutions with me on Twitter. Just find me @girlsleuth and use the hashtag #BookResolution!

Have A Super Bookish New Year!!!

Book Resolutions For 2012!

Do you remember way back when at the end of 2010 when i posted this about my book resolutions for the coming year?
i did pretty well in 2011. (Except for that whole Classics Challenge thing. Erg. i did not excel at that one at all.)
But now it's 2012 which means it's time for new resolutions!!!

So here are my New Year Book Resolutions for 2012!!!

My first Book Resolution is to try to read at least 100 books.

i have a notebook in which i've been keeping track of the number of books i read in a year since 2008. In 2011 i read a total of 74 books. Which is pretty good but this year i'd like to read even more! i've come very close in the past few years but i've never actually been able to do it. i'm hoping 2012 will finally be the year in which i crack 100!

My second Book Resolution is to read more adult fiction.

As my little bloggermuffins know, i love me some YA. It's almost all i read. So this year i thought i would broaden my horizons and actually try to be a grownup.

My third Book Resolution is to try to do what i couldn't last year.

That's right y'all, i'm gonna try The Classics Challenge again. This year i'm gonna aim a little lower. Maybe i can read at least 3 classics in 2012.

So those are my Book Resolutions for 2012. What about you guys? What ways are you looking to challenge yourself this year? Comment it up, y'all! Or tweet me @girlsleuth with the hashtag #BookResolutions.

Happy 2012 And Good Luck With Your Reading Resolutions!!!



The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 12 Reviews

And now for the reviews of the final two books I read in 2011!

EvilEva reviews...... The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.

On a random Sunday night in New York City, Clary Fray and her friend Simon decide to hit the Pandemonium Club in an effort to beat boredom.
But Clary's night suddenly becomes anything but boring when she witnesses a murder. And finds out that the boy that was murdered was really a demon and the three teenagers who murdered him are Shadowhunters, a special group of warriors whose duty is to rid the world of his kind. Also shocking? It seems no one else is able to see them.
So obvs Clary's life is about to change big time. And it does. Her mother disappears and a demon attacks Clary in her own home. Then Clary is surprised to find one of the Shadowhunters, golden-haired pretty boy Jace, has come to her rescue. He whisks her off to the Institute to keep her safe and informs her that her mother might be in serious trouble. Like demon/warlock serious trouble. Oh and also that Clary herself may be a Shadowhunter.
So with this new, crazy information Clary begins her harrowing journey to find her mother and to find out the truth of who she really is.

I don't really know how to write this review. I wanted to like this book. I mean, I liked it but I wasn't exactly swept up into the Shadowhunter world like Stephenie Meyer evidently was based on her front cover blurb.  
And while I am curious to see what happens next, I'm not exactly clamoring to go out and buy City of Ashes right this very minute.
Truthfully I wasn't all that impressed with Clary as a heroine. There was something very Bella-esque about her in that she was constantly getting pushed to the side so that the menfolk could defend her honor and keep her safe. I mean, get some ovaries and go kick some ass, lady.
My problem wasn't solely with Clary though. Oh no. It was mainly with Jace. I felt NO swoon for him. He did absolutely NOTHING for my lady parts. I found him to be arrogant, condescending, cocky and rude. I understand that he's the Bad Boy and every girl loves a Bad Boy but I honestly don't. I don't care how many times you refer to his golden locks or his rock hard body. I will always wanna punch him in the throat.
I would much rather have Simon. Or maybe Luke. They were my favorites and I couldn't help but wish they were in the story more.
As for the story, I really should have liked the hell out of it. I mean, it's basically all about monster hunting. As is my favorite show, Supernatural. So this should have been a total slam dunk. But Clary and Jace are no Sam and Dean. And I never fully connected with either character.
That being said, there were a few good twists that I didn't see coming. However I feel like I didn't really get a chance to enjoy them because I first had to slog through 40 pages of filler that really had little to do with the book on the whole. Like Simon being turned into a rat and being stolen by the vampires. Other than introducing the werewolves who would play into the story later on, I really didn't see what that scene added to the story.
Running up against those filler scenes was frustrating. It's like my brain could tell when one was coming up and so it would kinda shut down so it took me longer to read through because I was busy trying to determine what this had to do with anything.
I don't know. I was really bummed that I didn't like this book more. I know a lot of people that do so I'm wondering if there are any other weirdos out there like me that couldn't really get into it.

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3.

EvilEva reviews...... The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart.

When Reynie Muldoon, an orphan from the Stonetown Orphanage, sees and advertisement in the local newspaper proclaiming:
"ARE YOU A GIFTED CHILD LOOKING FOR SPECIAL OPPORTUNITIES?"
he's very interested at the prospect of putting his smarts to the test.
But they are very odd tests with very odd questions, which makes Reynie very nervous.
In the end, however, Reynie and three other children (Sticky, Kate and Constance) pass and are escorted to the home of the strange Mr. Benedict.
Mr. Benedict has a special task for the four children to complete. They are to become spies. They'll be sent to an island that houses a mysterious school called the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened.
Once there, they are to assume the role of regular students while secretly spying on the founder of the Institute, the disturbingly familiar Mr. Curtain.
Their mission is to take what they've learned from Mr. Benedict, use their specific gifts and work together to take down Mr. Curtain and his diabolical plot to control the world.
But Reynie and his new friends are just children and Mr. Curtain is an evil genius.
Do they have what it takes to complete their mission?

This is really fun kid-lit. The characters are very likable. There are adventures a go-go. Plus there are puzzles and mind benders and even a quiz at the end of the book so that you can see if you've got what it takes to be a part of The Mysterious Benedict Society.
I read reviews where people drew parallels between this book and those of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket. I get those comparisons. The Mysterious Benedict Society is made up of four kids that are whip-smart and that need to use their unique brands of brilliance in order to outsmart the smarmy adults. They are also four kids that seem misplaced which is what brings them to the testing facility to begin with. They're looking for these "special opportunities" but they're also looking for a place where they belong.
The story is told primarily from Reynie's point of view. Reynie is an orphan with no real friends except for his tutor, Miss Perumal who encourages him to pursue the opportunities advertised in the paper. Reynie is smart but he truly excels at puzzles and brain teasers.
The day of the final test, Reynie meets Sticky (aka George) Washington. Sticky is a shy runaway that seems to have a photographic memory. He's very book smart and retains everything he reads. Unfortunately he's not very brave. But that's ok because on that day the boys also meet Kate Wetherall (aka The Great Kate Weather Machine) (also aka my personal favorite Society member) who is brave enough for all of them. She has a red bucket which she carries everywhere with her and which contains all of her special things. Kate is super resourceful and uses her special bucket things like a 12 year old girl version of Macgyver. She's always up for an adventure and she's very strong, qualities she no doubt cultivated when she RAN AWAY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS!!!
Lastly but not leastly, the children meet the final member of The Mysterious Benedict Society, Constance Contraire who is quite contrary. Constance is a short little thing with a short little fuse. She's fussy and stubborn and not at all agreeable. Reynie, Sticky and Kate often wonder throughout the book how Constance passed Mr. Benedict's tests as she doesn't seem particularly clever, resourceful or brave. But Constance proves to be as valuable a member of the society as any of the children. 
So Reynie, Sticky, Kate and Constance make up The Mysterious Benedict Society and it's up to them to stop the evil Mr. Curtain from succeeding in his dastardly plot to brainwash the world into submission.
Like I said before, this is fun kid-lit. If you're an adult, it brings you to that Goonies state of mind. Where kids can have fantastical adventures and outsmart the bad guys and inevitably save the day. If you're an actual kid, I imagine it's even better. :)

P.S. At the end of the book there's a letter from Mr. Benedict encouraging the reader to figure out his first name. If you wanna figure out the mystery yourself then by all means skip this part cos I'm about to amaze the fudge out of ya!

For the answer you'll have to check out the back of the book. Underneath the synopsis you'll notice a series of dots and dashes. This is Mr. Benedict's super-secret-unless-you-know-morse-code-which-I-of-course-do-because-i'm-a-girl-sleuth :) first name. It reads: 

-.  ..  -.-.  ....  ---  .-..  .-  ...   

AKA* 

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3 and a half.





*Nicholas!

The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 11 Reviews

I've gotten somewhat behind in the many series that I'm involved in. So this month will be dedicated to catching up with the girls from Private and The Lying Game.

Warning!

These reviews are of books that are in a series!

Spoilers ahead!

If you haven't read the first books, you may want to stop here!

EvilEva reviews...... The Lying Game: Never Have I Ever by Sara Shepard.

 
The games are back. And the stakes are higher than ever. 
Someone murdered Sutton Mercer, and it's up to her long-lost twin sister, Emma to figure out who. But the deeper Emma digs the more suspects she uncovers. And the more danger she finds herself in. 
Because Sutton's killer is still out there and whoever it is knows Emma's little secret. Now Emma must play along or she could be next.

It's been awhile since I read the first book in The Lying Game series so I admit that my memory of Emma, Sutton and Co. is a little hazy. Made hazier still by the fact that I watched the TV series which is nothing like the book. So when starting Never Have I Ever I was very confused because I didn't know if I was remembering what happened in the book or what happened in the show.
So my advice to you would be to skip the show because a) it's not very good and 2) it'll fuck with your memory of the book.
Speaking of the book, let's, well, speak of the book.
Never Have I Ever continues the mystery of who offed Sutton Mercer. Emma, Sutton's long-lost sister, is forced to be Sutton, to pretend that Sutton is still alive and well. But Emma's also trying to piece together who her sister was so that she can figure out what happened to her and who would want her dead.
Unfortch for Emma, it seems that Sutton's amassed a large following of haters, some of which are her own friends. So the suspect list is a very long one.
Luckily Emma has Ethan, the only person in Tucson that knows her true identity.
Emma and Ethan get their Nancy Drew on and while they clear some names, they're still no closer to any resolution. Sutton did a lot of shitty things. She pissed off a lot of people. But who was angry enough to kill her and blackmail her sister? We still don't know.
But there are a few reveals this time around.
We find out the cause of the Twitter Twins beef with Sutton. We get a few flashbacks to Sutton's past. We discover Madeline's dark secret. And we have new suspects that weren't even considered before.
Plus the swoony times between Emma and Ethan are upped for our reading pleasure. Never has a game of Marco Polo been rife with such sexual tension!
The mystery is unraveling slowly but steadily. The Lying Game seems to be going the way of its older sister, Pretty Little Liars. Meaning if you want a problem-solved-by-the-final-page book you're barking up the wrong tree with this series. But if you're like me and don't mind the twists and turns and cliffhangers being spread out through several books, then I would advise that you catch up with The Lying Game. Cos nobody does a fun, soapy, drama-filled whodunit quite like Sara Shepard!

The Scale of Judgment says...... 4.

EvilEva reviews...... Private: Vengeance by Kate Brian.

A lot has happened to Reed Brennan in the past two years. But this year she'd like to put the past behind her. Reed wants to enjoy the present and look forward to the future.
Because life is short. So Reed is ready to do something big.
She wants to rebuild Billings!
She has the money and draws up the plans and soon enough Billings is on its way to being restored to its former glory. 
But someone wants to stop the process of revamping Billings---permanently. And they'll go to dangerous lengths to make sure Reed doesn't get what she wants.

This is the final book in the Private series. And while I'm sad to see it go, I do think it's time. There are only so many times that a person can narrowly escape murder by various individuals before it gets a little ridick. 
That being said, surprise surprise, someone's trying to kill Reed- AGAIN! This is book 14 and I'm surprised that Reed still has any friends at this point. I think I'd be like "no offense, girl, you're great and all but I'd kinda like to make it to senior year so... see ya." And then you'd see a me-shaped hole in her dormroom door.
Anyway, Reed is still public enemy number one for Eatson's resident psychotics. She's still super obsessed with Billings. And she's a little emotional because most of her friends, including that hot toddy Josh, will be graduating this year. But mostly she's just obsessed with Billings. This is something that's always bugged me about Reed. Her lack of interest for anything not Billings related. 
I mean, it's like she would choose this inanimate nothing over everything else in her life. To me it seems like she prefers the idea of this legendary sisterhood over the actual sisters of said sisterhood. 
Because really Reed hardly ever hangs out with any of the girls. She's always off doing some sort of Billings bullshit. It makes me think that even after Reed graduates she'll never leave Billings. She'll be the Mrs. Rochester of Easton.
So that can be frustrating to read. Especially when you know that Reed's super fine boyfriend, Josh is being left unattended and uncared for. If it were me I'd say fuck Billings and I'd go rock Josh's world in the Art Cemetery. But that's just me. 
Anyway, as a final book, Vengeance, took the Private series out with a "meh." It could've been better. There were a few parts that seemed rushed and some parts that just seemed thrown in.
I hate saying that because I really liked this series. The first books, I was so totes all in. 
Then there was that stranded on a deserted island thing. And that whole "hey we're descended from witches" thing. And after awhile I just got tired of jumping that shark, knowwhati'msayin'? 
So I was a little disappointed that this is how it all ends. I wish the series could've gone out with a bang. But--- meh. 

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3.

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 11 Part 1 Reviews

Have y'all been desperately missing the antics of Karen Brewer, little sister to the bossiest, least likable member of The Baby-Sitters Club? Yeah me neither. But let's check in with her annoying ass anyway.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #1: Karen's Witch by Ann M. Martin.

 
Circa: 1988.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
* Karen is wearing a truly fulgy sweater and jeans that look about two sizes too long. Isn't your dad a millionaire? I know he is because it's mention ALL THE TIME in The Baby-Sitters Club series.
* Karen's face kinda looks like that kid's from Jerry Maguire. Also it looks like it may weigh more than 8 pounds.  
* She's spying on her neighbor whom she thinks is a witch. But Mrs. Porter is just old. And Karen is just stupid.
* Mrs. Porter's house is fucking sweet! Except for its close proximity to Karen's house. Only drawback.
* The tagline reads:

Is Karen's next-door neighbor a witch?

No, but Karen is an idiot.

Let's Review:
Karen Brewer is a six year old (almost seven year old!) busybody that's always all up in everyone else's Kool-Aid. She's also a close-minded dumbass who thinks her next door neighbor, Mrs. Porter is a witch just because she wears black and has white hair and owns a black cat and an herb garden.
One night after reading witch stories, Karen swears she sees Mrs. Porter, whom she's stupidly dubbed Morbidda Destiny, fly from the second floor window of her house on a broomstick. Karen is, of course, full of doo doo. 
So she decides to spy on The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny with her bff, Hannie. The girls overhear The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny talking to herself while gardening. She says something about an "important meeting," and "company coming," and "midnight." So Karen's dumb ass thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is planning a witches meeting at midnight. Well Karen won't stand for this bullshizz so she and Hannie go and filch some of The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's herbs from her garden and decide to make up their own spell to ward off the witches so that they can save their neighborhood. Save their neighborhood from what, I don't know. 
Anyway, they place the herbs in their pockets and march up to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's door. The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is surprised to see them since I would assume that she hates them and thus never invites them over to her house. But, be that as it may, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny lets the girls in. Bad move, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. 
Karen goes into the room where all the "witches" have gathered and she calls them out on their witchy ways and tells them that if they try to ruin her neighborhood then she will fucking bury them. And by fucking bury them she means tattle on them to her super rich daddy. Then Hannie starts crying. 
Karen's grandmother, who happens to be friends with The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny, explains to Karen that this isn't a witch meeting, it's a garden club meeting. Grams makes the girls apologize for being so stupid and then escorts them off of the property. 
Karen's taken home and forced to explain to her parents that she spied on their neighbor and falsely accused her and all her friends of being evil witches and warlocks. But Karen doesn't get in much trouble cos she was oh so nobly trying to save the neighborhood. From gardeners. 
But her parents do make her write an apology letter to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. And that's all for her punishment. Even though she totes still thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is a witch. 
So Karen basically learned......... um, nothing. 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, natch. For this:

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Let's pretend we're witches. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Uh, bitch, this whole time you've been a huge a-hole about Mrs. Porter maybe being a witch and now you wanna pretend to be one?!?!? So I guess the only acceptable way to be a witch is if you're Karen. What a bitch!

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #3: Karen's Worst Day by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Aw, Boo Boo the cat looks like a neighborhood cat that used to take up residence in our backyard all the time. I mean, except for the Hitler mustache. 
* Karen looks so stupid on this cover. She doesn't look like she's upset that Boo Boo tree-ed himself just to get away from her. She looks like someone just beamed her upside the head with a pine cone. Oh how I wish that someone was me.
* Karen has a lot of signatures on her cast. I find it hard to believe that that many people like Karen enough to want to sign her cast. Although, truth be told, I've always wanted to sign someone's cast:
Way to go, dumbass!
Karen's would be the perfect cast to sign that way!

Let's Review:
Karen is having a really bad day. In fact it's her Worst Day EVER! In fact it may be the Worst Day of anyone's life Ever EVER! Karen is in no way overdramatizing the horribleness of this day. I mean, she started the day waking up from a nightmare! Then she realizes that she forgot her new fave jeans with the zippers up the sides at her mom's house!
Then Andrew gets the last of the Crunch-O's cereal and the prize! And even when Elizabeth tries to help make Karen less bitchy by giving her a new box of Crunch-O's, Karen is devastated to find that the prize pack is EMPTY! I mean, who cares that there are starving non-bitchy children in Africa that would totally take that cereal even without a prize.
So Karen decides to turn her day around by watching some hilarious Mr. Ed reruns. But Mr. Ed's timeslot has been hijacked by some "special program." Probably about those hungry African kids. Man, Karen just cannot catch a break.
But it's still early in the morning so maybe Karen can make herself feel better by playing with Shannon the dog. But Shannon, much like myself, can't be bothered with Karen and her dumbassery. So Karen tries to play with Boo Boo the cat instead. But Boo Boo, much like myself, would rather climb a tree than hang out with Karen. Finally Boo Boo jumps down but still has no interest in playing with Karen.
Meanwhile, Morbidda Destiny is busy minding her own business in her own yard and exclaims "fiddlesticks!" Which Karen, being a complete moron, thinks is a curse. So Karen runs inside.
Then Karen's bff Hannie comes over with her brother and asks if Karen and David Michael would like to ride bikes to Harry's Brook to catch minnows and have a picnic.
Well Karen loses her shit and calls Hannie a toad because she so insensitively asked Karen to ride bikes when she knows good and damn well that Karen can't ride a bike on account of her broken arm. Karen storms back into the house while Hannie, her brother and David Michael pedal off to enjoy a Karen-free afternoon.
Kristy doesn't get off so easily. She's forced to play checkers with Satan. I mean, Karen. But Karen gets pissy when Kristy lets her win so she storms off yet again.
Then even more bad shit happens.
Karen's stuffed cat gets ripped, there's no more cherry Italian ice on Mr. Tastee's ice cream truck and Andrew got a package and Karen didn't so she acts like an even bigger d-bag to him since he can totally control when people mail shit to him.
But finally at dinnertime, things start turning around. Karen's family discuss their own horrible days and Karen realizes that as far as bad days go she would hold the record for the most shitious things happening to a person in one day! So Karen is a winner!  
Then things get Even Better after dinner cos Charlie and Sam take Karen to go get ice cream. And the ice cream parlor actually has exactly what Karen wants. And Charlie's friends thought Karen was 26 and that she was Charlie's girlfriend which delights Karen to no end because she doesn't understand how you're not supposed to date your stepbrother especially if you're 10 years older than him.
Anyway, they go home and Karen apologizes to all the people who felt her wrath today. And everyone accepts her apology because you don't wanna be on Karen's shit list. The end!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, for her explanation of why she's going to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to her brother Andrew:

"Do you want me to read it to you?" If I read it, you might understand how I felt. And why I yelled at you."

Uh, you yelled at him because you're a jackass that can't be happy for anyone else.

Well y'all, it's official--- No more Karen Brewer in 2011!!! Yay!!! We survived!!! Will we be as lucky in 2012? We'll just have to wait and see. ;) 

The TBR Back Burner Challenge Round 10 Reviews

This month I decided to read the two books from my TBR pile that seem to be constantly mocking the ever-loving shizz outta me. That would be Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins and The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness.
It seems to me like all other book bloggers (and perhaps every other person on the face of the planet) have read and hyped up these books. So now I'll FINALLY know what the big friggin deal is! Hooray!

EvilEva reviews...... Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. 

Anna Oliphant is perfectly content living in Atlanta, attending Clairemont High with her bestie Bridge, and crushing on her hottie coworker Toph.
But for Anna's senior year her Nicholas Sparks-esque father decides to uproot her from everything she knows and loves and ship her off to a boarding school in Paris. Not that Paris isn't awesome. It's just not home.
Anna doesn't know anyone, she certainly doesn't know her way around and she barely even speaks the language! So senior year could possibly be super disastrous.
But thanks to the kindness of Anna's dorm neighbor, Meredith, she's welcomed into a little group of friends. Which includes the very handsome Etienne St. Clair.
St. Clair is sweet, confident, funny, charming, gorgeous and he has an accent! And a girlfriend. Not a problem. Anna's fine with simply being St. Clair's best friend. Until she starts having Feelings that suggest she'd really like to be Something More.
What's an unsupervised lovestruck girl in Paris to do?

Holy friggin sexy swoon, Batman! This book is like falling in love for the first time. Not a crush. Not lust. Full-on knee-weakening, palm-sweating, pit-in-the-stomach L-O-V-E! Stephanie Perkins knows what she's doing, y'all!
Now I know why this book has been hyped so much. Cos it totally deserves to be! See, this book has turned me into a gushy schoolgirl. Ok, focus! You have a review to write.
So. Anna is the main character of this tale, obvs. And we love her. She's not "traditionally" beautiful. She's real, she has flaws which, as a person with flaws my damn self, I really appreciated. Plus, girlfriend's got a personality! And interests! She's gaga for movies. In fact, going to the theaters is what pushes Anna out of her dorm room-size comfort zone and inspires her to check out other things that Paris has to offer. I would totally be the same way. Scared of getting lost in a strange city where you don't speak the language. But I know eventually my need for reading material would kick my ass outta my room.
Now onto the sexy business! At the beginning of the book, Anna's really attracted to St. Clair. But then she finds out he's got a girlfriend, so Anna slips into The Friend Zone cos she'd rather be friends with him than nothing at all.
But the more they hang out together, the swoonier things get. And I think that shows what an amazing writer Stephanie Perkins is because there was really very little physical hanky-panky going on in this book. It's all about the stolen glances and accidentally grazing hands and almost kisses. It's all very swoontastic!
Plus the backdrop is Paris so you automatically have to multiply that swoon by 10 in order to properly gage the swoonitude of Anna and the French Kiss.
So sexytimes are important but so is friendship. And Anna is lucky enough to acquire some really great friends. Meredith is the first to befriend Anna. Mer is super sweet, sporty and smart. (She's also got a thang for St. Clair so there's even more drama in this already thick drama stew.)
Then there's Rashmi and Josh, the couple that fight hard and love harder.
And, of course, St. Clair, who I've prattled on about enough already.
I really liked the group dynamic. And as much as I enjoyed the St. Clair swooniness, I wouldn't have minded if the whole group was together more.
We're also introduced to Anna's BFF in Atlanta, Bridge and her BSC (Before St. Clair) crush, Toph. And even more boy drama ensues there!
Plus we get to watch Anna discover the city and herself as she tries to figure out what she wants and who she wants to be.
All in all, Anna and the French Kiss is a really sweet story that you'll totally fall in love with! Or as the French would say *le sigh*

The Scale of Judgment says...... 5!

 

EvilEva reviews...... The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness.

Todd Hewitt and his trusty dog, Manchee, live in Prentisstown, a strange settlement of New World where men can hear the thoughts of every other man (and animal) in an endless stream of unbearable Noise.
One month shy of becoming a man himself, Todd heads to the swamp on a quest for apples and finds something else entirely. He finds complete silence. And in Prentisstown, silence is dangerous.
Especially when it's in the form of a young girl. Because there have been no women in Prentisstown for years.
So when Mayor Prentiss finds out about Todd's discovery, he begins to form an army, intent on hunting down Todd, his dog and the girl. 
It's up to this small band of unlikely heroes to head for the rumored big city settlement of Haven to warn them and try to prevent another war.

As y'all might know I've gone a little dystopia crazy as of late but I kinda can't help it because all the ones that I've read have been so good. The Knife of Never Letting Go is no different.
It's told from the point of view of Todd, a 12 year old (maybe 14 depending on what calendar you use) who's unhappily happy living in this little town solely inhabited by men whose thoughts he can hear 24/7 with his dog, Manchee, and his guardians Ben and Cillian. Todd has lived in Prentisstown nearly 13 years, minding his own business as best he can and then suddenly one day his whole world is upended. Todd finds a girl and silence, both of which are completely foreign to him. Soon after Todd also finds out that his whole life has pretty much been a big fat lie. It seems even through all the Noise, secrets can still be kept in Prentisstown. Things become unsafe for Todd. The mayor has started an army and as if that isn't bad enough there's also a loony preacher that's out to get him too. So Todd's given a rucksack of things he'll need like a journal written by his mother, food, clothes, a map and a knife and told to make his way to another settlement, one that Todd didn't even know existed.
He takes along his awesome dog, Manchee, who totally reminded me of Dug from Up! and the girl who he learns is named Viola. And together this little band of misfits head out to find help and hopefully answers. 
I can't really tell you too much more because anything else would be spoilery.
I will tell you this though, the first few chapters are a little slow because it's mostly Todd semi-explaining the world around him without giving concrete information like what the heck a spack is and why he's referred to as a "Whirler boy" by some of the local animals.
But the story started to pick up around the fourth chapter and it was fun tagging along on this journey with Todd, Viola and Manchee. I mean, as fun as running for your lives can be. This story is pretty intense. And the kids are younger, so if you're looking for the swoon you found in The Hunger Games and Delirium, you're barking up the wrong tree. The Knife of Never Letting Go is about survival and what it takes to really, truly be brave. And Holy balls with that ending!
If you like your dystopia on the heavy side, with more running and less smooching, then this is the book for you.

The Scale of Judgment says...... 4.

So yay! I FINALLY read these majorly blog-hyped books! Now I know why they were so majorly hyped! If you're still wondering, I would suggest you go ahead and read them so that you too can be in the loop! :)

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 10 Part 2 Reviews

Readers beware you're in for a scare. Again! Welcome to Part 2 of October's Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge! You know what that means. Time for more R.L. Stine cra-za-zee-ness! So lets get started.

EvilEva reviews...... Halloween Night by R.L. Stine. 

Circa: 1993.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*There's an evil jack-o-lantern with a knife stabbed through it and the pumpkin is bleeding. Although for having a debilitating knife wound the pumpkin looks surprisingly upbeat.
*The tagline reads:

Trick or treat... the trick is not to die...

Then what's the treat? Is it the not dying? Or maybe Smarties? Cos I kinda fucking love Smarties!

Lets Review:
Brenda HATES her stupid cousin Halley. Halley's stupid parents are getting a stupid divorce which means that stupid Halley has to stay with Brenda's family while her parents duke it out in the courtroom for custody. Brenda's parents give Halley Brenda's room and banish poor Brenda to the room with the air vent in the floor that makes private conversations impossible. See, when you're in the hallway below Brenda's room, you can hear everything that's being said in Brenda's room. Remember that dastardly air vent cos it'll be important later on.
Brenda's hatred for Halley grows when Halley totally makes out with Brenda's boyfriend's face, in Brenda's car, in Brenda's driveway, right in front of Brenda's window.
Brenda could just KILL Halley. Well, coinky-dinkily enough Brenda's teacher has assigned her and her friends, Traci and Dina, to plot a murder. Like ya do in school. I remember the time my teacher asked me to plot out a murder, don't y'all?
So Brenda thinks it's an excellent idea for them to murder Halley for reals.
Not sure if that'll get them extra credit.
Anyway, Traci thinks murder is, of course, the answer cos that slut bucket Halley was flirting it up with Traci's boyfriend too. Dina isn't completely sold on the idea. As a child of divorce herself, Dina feels bad for Halley and knows what she's going through. Dina thinks just because Halley's a slut it doesn't necessarily mean that she deserves to be stabbed to death whilst in the gorilla suit.
Oh, did I not explain that Brenda's throwing a Halloween party and Halley's going to be wearing a gorilla costume (as all hot girls do) and the girls have concocted this complex as well as idiotic plan to stab her in her gorilla guts and no one will even know she's dead until a puddle of blood starts seeping through the costume onto the floor and it'll take so long for that to happen that no one will even know who did it and the girls will get away with murder?
No? Ok, well they totes concocted that shizz. Anyhoo, then all these horrible pranks are played on Brenda. Like someone writes an ominous message in blood on her wall. And a bird minus it's head is left inside a carved pumpkin in Brenda's room. And raw meat complete with maggots is placed under Brenda's sheets. Of course Brenda thinks Halley's behind all this shizz. So the plan to kill Halley's ass is so on like Donkey Kong now.
Until Halley hears the absurd murder plot. You remember that air vent I told you about? The one that makes it impossible to discuss revenge in private? Well the girls talk about the plan and conveniently enough, Halley's in the hallway below Brenda's room at the time and hears the whole thing. And she confronts Brenda. They talk it out and have a real touching moment. Until Brenda decides that she still has to go through with it.
So it's Halloween night. Party time! And the plan, unbeknownst to Halley, is still gonna go down. Dina has bowed out but Traci is still a go. Then there's costume switching for some stupid reason. And then the gorilla is stabbed and a puddle forms on the floor and the gorilla head is taken off and it's..... Brenda! 
I know, WHAT?!?!
So here's the deal, this whole murder was a set up. Brenda realized that it wasn't Halley committing the mean pranks, it was Dina with help from her job at the vet's office. See, Dina wanted to kill Brenda cos she was such an insensitive, uncaring bitch that vanished when Dina's parents were getting a divorce and fighting over her. Instead of being a friend and being there for Dina, Brenda just left her ass hanging and became friends with her again after her parents divorce hoopla was sorted out. So Brenda created this elaborate, stupid ruse to draw Dina out or some shit. 
She sewed extra padding into the gorilla suit so when Dina went to stab her all she got was stuffing. And the puddle of blood was fake, bought from a party store. Maybe just call the police on the homicidal maniac next time. 
Anyhoots, so Brenda and Halley became friends. And Brenda learns to be compassionate when someone's going through a divorce. And Dina "gets the help she needs." Which I'm assuming doesn't go all that well considering there's a Halloween Night 2. 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Brenda's mom, for kinda being a bitch to Brenda after she accuses Halley of putting a dead bird in her pumpkin (And I don't mean that sexually. If that could even be interpreted as sexual.):

"Brenda, I expected so much more of you," her mother said through clenched teeth. "Halley is going through such a tough time. I can't believe your attitude toward her. It's sick, Brenda. It's really sick."

No, you know what's sick? Leaving a dead bird inside someone's bedroom in a pumpkin with a lit candle. That's sick. Can you imagine how shitious that smells? Halley's just dealing with her parents divorce. Brenda is dealing with rotten dead bird stink in the place in which she rests her head. Febreze doesn't even make a scent that would cover that shit up.

EvilEva reviews...... College Weekend by R.L. Stine.
Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
* Tina looks like a frightened white woman waiting for a bus in Compton. Relax, lady. Given the outfit you are currently wearing, I don't think mugging you would be on anyone's to do list.
*Ooh, look, y'all! It's a menacing figure in the background. There's something very Reverend Camden from 7th Heaven about him.

Lets Review:
Tina can't wait to spend the weekend with her boyfriend at his college. But her buzzkill parents send her cousin Holly along with her to squash any sexytimes between Tina and her bf, Josh.
When Tina and Holly arrive at the train station, Josh is nowhere to be found. Tina is concerned and almost accosted until Josh's roommate, Chris, shows up, saving the day. He explains that Josh went on some geology nerd hike with his friend Steve and they had car trouble. They won't be back for awhile so lets party!
The girls meet Steve's girlfriend, Carla, who kinda tries to set Tina up with Chris as if she doesn't understand the reason Tina is here this weekend is to see her actual boyfriend, Josh. So Tina definitely finds that odd. But then Carla explains that Chris' girlfriend died in a horrible boat accident. Which is terrible but it doesn't make Tina single.
Anyhoo, so Chris convinces the girls to go to a party to pass the time. and then he totally kisses Tina! And she kinda likes it! And then Carla catches them! And then Tina feels guilty and starts remembering to miss Josh again! And then Holly goes missing! But Carla tells Tina that Holly went with a former Shadyside student named Alyssa to check out the drama department. So Chris takes Tina back to the dorms to wait on Josh and now Holly. But Holly's still missing in the morning. Chris assures Tina that the drama kids are weird and sometimes sleep in the drama department. So they go to the dressing rooms to find Holly but she's not there. So they go to the school carnival. Cos when your cousin's missing at a time when cellphones aren't popular yet, you just assume the best and go have fun at a carnival in the meantime.
So that's just what Tina does. Meanwhile, Carla decides to go to the mountain and pick up the boys.
Tina has a grand ole time with Chris on the Ferris wheel. Until he starts losing his fucking mind and starts rocking the car and insisting that she's a tease. Finally the godforsaken ride ends and when on solid ground Chris is apologetic and normal again. Tina's kinda scared of Chris but then she thinks of his dead girlfriend and how he's probably a little fucked up about it so she forgives him for nearly killing her.
When Chris suggests that he can take Tina to his photography studio so she can get her model on to kill time until Carla's back with the boys, Tina agrees to go with him. Because she's a fucking idiot.
When they get to the studio, surprise surprise, things start getting weird. Chris forbids Tina from going in one of the rooms. He has a bunch of women's clothes, all in only one size. And when he starts photographing Tina he gets super intense and calls her Judy.
Yeah, turns out Chris is off his fucking rocker. Judy is the name of his dead girlfriend. And all the clothes that Tina has been trying on all belonged to Judy. So she's been wearing dead girl clothes! Ick! But that's not the worst part. The worst part is that Judy didn't just die. She was murdered! By Chris! And now he wants to kill Tina too!
So Tina is chased into the darkroom where Chris locks her in. And she discovers that Judy isn't the only one Chris killed. He killed Josh too! With photo chemicals! And then shoved him in a cabinet! And lied to Tina about Josh's whereabouts! Because he's fucking crazy!
Since Tina's being a bad Judy, Chris has to punish her. So he lets her out of the darkroom and Tina actually does something worth a shit. She hits Chris upside the head with a tripod, knocking him out.
Tina starts to haul ass outta there but hears a noise coming from the room she was forbade from entering. She opens the door and discovers that Chris had Holly tied up in there! So Tina unties Holly and they try to get outta the studio. But everyone knows you can't keep a good psycho down, so of course Chris regains consciousness and goes after them with a pair of scissors!
Then Carla and Steve show up and it seems like Tina and Holly are saved! But they're not. Cos it seems like Carla and Steve are actually working with Chris! But they're not. They were just going along with his crazy shizznat so that Carla could get the scissors away from him so Steve could tackle him to the ground.
Chris told Carla that Josh was seeing another girl so that's why she was trying to push Chris and Tina together cos she thought Josh was a cheating wad and Tina deserved better. Which, when you think about it, it's really none of Carla's bidness if Josh was cheating or not. And it's not her place to try to set up this girl she just met with some maniac that killed his ex just because she thinks the girl is being cheated on. 
Anyhoo, Carla talked to Steve who set her straight about how Josh wasn't in fact cheating and really loved Tina and was excited for their weekend together and that's why he bowed out of the camping trip. Well thanks for that depressing update, Carla. As well as, mind your own fucking business from now on!
Anyhoozies, when Carla called Steve they quickly realized that Chris was suffering from Judy depression so they booked it over to the studio to save Tina and Holly. And Tina is totes grateful. Even though it's kinda Carla's fault to begin with for being a total Elizabeth Wakefield-sized meddler.
So, in short, during this totally amazing weekend Tina lost her boyfriend, her ambitions to become a model and the desire to set foot on this campus again. Which is a bummer cos I'm pretty sure it was her top choice. What a downer.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Tina, for being surprised that her boyfriend neglected to mention how hot his roommate is:

Josh had told her that Chris had tons of money. But Josh had never told her how handsome Chris was.

I'd really like to hear that phone convo between a bf and his gf. I think it'd go a little something like this:

I can't wait for you to visit. I'm really excited that you're finally gonna meet my roommate. His parents are loaded so he's got a really nice high tech computer. He's also got these incredible blue eyes! When you gaze into them it's like staring at the ocean. *sigh*

Frankly I would be a little concerned if my boyfriend told he how handsome he thought his roommate was. Anybody else?

And Now For Something Truly Frightening:
Check out this description of that hot toddy Chris:

Chris removed the rubber band from his ponytail. His hair fell down his neck. He shook it out.

Ewwwwwww!!! That is the scariest thing I've ever read. *shivers with disgust*

Well that's all the nostalgia you could shake a fist at this month! Come back next month for more. But, I mean, come back before next month too. I'll still be blogging and reviewing and acting a fool!  

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 10 Part 1 Reviews

It's October, y'all! And what better way to get Halloween time nostalgic than by reading some good ole R.L. Stine?! 

EvilEva reviews...... The Babysitter by R.L. Stine. 

Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
* The babysitter is either super freaked out or really cold. Although I don't know how she could possibly be cold in that thick, bitchin' sweater!
* Look to the left, kids. Before the earth was inherited by the cellphone, there were things called "landlines." They had cords. It was CRAZY!
* Who's she babysitting for? The Tchotchkes? Holy balls that's a lot of knick knacks!
* The tagline reads:

Every step she takes, he'll be watching.

Is it Sting? Is Sting her stalker? Or is it Diddy? Is this the remix?

Lets Review:
After saving a wayward child from the dangers of a mall fountain, Jenny lands a babysitting gig for Thursdays and Saturdays.
Forget that these people are complete strangers, they live out in the woods where no one can hear you scream and the fact that there's been a rash of babysitter hate crimes in the community lately--- Jenny needs money for Christmas (even though she only has her mother and one friend and I'm sure they'd understand if she didn't get them anything if it meant that she didn't end up in a rock quarry somewhere.)
But Jenny happily accepts the job cos little Donny has some exquisite blond hair. Who cares if the papers say there's some kook out there specifically targeting babysitters? Who cares if Donny's dad, Mr. Hagen, seems to have a few screws loose? And who cares that Jenny has an over-active imagination, seeing a man's silhouette when it's so clearly just a fucking rock! She's gonna babysit the shit outta this gloriously coiffed child, babysitter stalker be damned!
But then the phone calls start. Some perv asks Jenny if she's all alone and then assures her that "company's coming." Well Jenny is understandably freaked and also too stupid to call the police.
Then she meets the Suspicious Neighbor With A Scooby-Doo Villians Name, Willers, sneaking around the Hagens property. And still she's too much of an idiot to call the police or at the very least tell the Hagens that some weirdo is wandering around their yard late at night.
Then she kinda falls for Chuck, the new boy in school who loves goofing off and telling lame jokes. But she's apprehensive about falling for him cos there's a slim chance that he's the cray cray caller.
The more time Jenny spends in the old house, the more freaked out she becomes. The phone calls continue. Jenny hears strange noises. And she finds a picture of a baby girl that looks just like Donny! Jenny just assumes that Donny had a sister and she must have died. You know, because he couldn't just have like a cousin that looked similar and is just maybe off in another state somewhere, completely alive and looking vaguely like Donny. Nope. Jenny's first thought is "awww. dead baby."
Anyhoo, after becoming suspicious of a car near the driveway, Mr. Hagen tells Jenny that they'd prefer she not have any friends over--- even though they live on the outskirts of town and she's there all by herself save for the 6 year old whose life she's in charge of and there's some crazy babysitter hater apparently roaming the streets.
Jenny and Chuck get closer so she invites him and her bestie, Laura, over to the Hagens one night to study. Because Jenny doesn't know how to follow instructions.
Well Chuck and Laura come over, along with Laura's fuck buddy Eugene and whattayaknow, they all forgot to bring their books! Guess studying is outta the question. Lets makeout instead! So Laura and Eugene go to another room, leaving Chuck to get a little under the sweater action with Jenny.
But oh noes! The Hagens come home to this teens-in-separate-rooms-orgy! And Mr. Hagen proceeds to lose his fucking shit. He dismisses Chuck and the fuck buddies but Jenny has to stay behind to get a stern talking to about her irresponsible, slutty ways.
Mr. Hagen is gonna drive Jenny home but first he needs to calm his ass down. Jenny goes to get her jacket out of the Hagens bedroom closet (I don't know why you would hang someone's jacket up in your own closet. I mean, I know they said the hall closet wouldn't open but still. It's not like Jenny was wearing mink. It was just a stupid down jacket. Couldn't she have just thrown it over the arm of the couch?)
While rifling through the Hagens closet, Jenny accidentally knocks down a shoebox filled with newspaper clippings, all with headlines about the babysitter hater. It's at this point, when a box of evidence literally falls at her feet that Jenny realizes the scary phone calls weren't from Chuck or from Willers or from...... Red Herring! Mr. Hagen is the crackpot! And he's standing behind her, ready to take her home! Jenny thinks she'll play it smart by being stupid and pretending she didn't see the clippings and accepting the ride from the guy that pounds on the faces of babysitters. In other words, another smart decision on Jenny's part.
So since Jenny got in the car knowing Mr. Hagen was completely crazycakes, it should come as no surprise when instead of driving her home he drives her even further nowhere to a rock quarry. And he wants to shove her into said rock quarry until she's dead.
Then who should show up but Willers! Turns out he's with the "town police" (whatever the fuck that is.) He was assigned to the Case of the Babysitter Hater and had been staking out the Hagens house. He had a feeling that Mr. Hagen beat the shizz out of babysitters in his freetime (and instead of just telling Jenny to find another profession he just let her ass continue babysitting for a babysitter hater even though it put her in serious danger. So... way to go, town police.)
Anyhoo, so Jenny's on the edge of the quarry, Mr. Hagen wants to push her in, Willers walks up with a gun but Mr. Hagen's too cray to care, he rushes towards Jenny, she moves, his ass falls in the quarry, apparently the "town police" don't believe in checking bodies so Willers and Jenny just assume Mr. Hagen's dead, Willers drives Jenny home and tells her that Mr. Hagen did have a baby girl that died mysteriously and he blamed the babysitter which apparently made him loathe every babysitter that ever sat.
So Jenny didn't die. Chuck wants to be inside her lady parts. Donny and his beautiful tresses are now fatherless. Mr. Hagen is probably dead. And Jenny's mom is an insensitive bitch that tells Jenny, pretty much right when she gets home from her harrowing night of Not Dying, that some woman down the block called and wanted to know if Jenny could babysit her twins next week.
What a bitch! I think someone else should've been thrown in that quarry!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
I would give this award to Jenny's mom for that last bit of ridiculous bullshit but since I already mentioned it, I think I'm gonna have to give it to Jenny, for being fairly fucking dumb her damn self:

Whoever was out there pounded again, three hard raps, then three more.
It sounded like a burglar, Jenny thought.

I'm pretty sure that when someone's burgled, the person doing the burgling isn't polite enough to knock on the door first to announce that they're about to rob your ass.

EvilEva reviews...... Switched by R.L. Stine.
Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Wow, this cover looks super 90stastic! Look, the girls are wearing vesty shirts! They look like white, non-twin versions of Tia and Tamera! And that one chick is wearing a motherfucking scrunchie! And there are a variety of lightning bolts about! I don't know why since there was never a storm in this book but whatever cos I guess lightning bolts make everything look much cooler.

Lets Review:
Nicole's life totally sucks donkey balls. Her parents are all up in her grill, her boyfriend just dumped her and if she doesn't make up a biology paper that she "didn't feel like doing" over the weekend then she won't be able to graduate! Ugh! Such problems! It's like she's a teenager or something.
But what luck! Nicole's BFF, Lucy has a shitty life as a teenager too. But she's got a solution to their problems. They'll switch bodies! By jumping off a magical wall in the woods! Nicole thinks this is an excellent idea because Nicole has never heard an actual excellent idea before.
The girls find the magical Freaky Friday wall and holding hands, jump off of it. When they land on the other side, they've switched bodies! Nicole looks like Lucy and Lucy looks like Nicole! And I'm confused not only because the premise of this switcheroo is extraordinarily stupid but because if you had a shitty life why would you wanna switch bodies, and therefore lives, with someone whose life is equally as shitty as yours? Wouldn't you wanna trade with someone that has an awesome life? Like Jennifer Aniston? Or Oprah? Perhaps I'm giving too much thought to this one little detail considering they switched bodies by JUMPING OFF A FUCKING WALL !
Anyhoo, back to this ridiculous shizz. So Nicole goes to Lucy's house, ready to enjoy a slightly less sucky life than the one she woke up with. But when Nicole opens the front door she discovers Lucy's parents dead! She starts freaking the fuck out because now she's got to tell her bestie that her parents have been murdered. Oh and also that they need to switch bodies back posthaste cos even though Nicole's life is a vast wasteland of suck, she so doesn't wanna deal with someone else's murdered parents.
I feel like this would be my luck. I switch my shit life with someone on the day that their parents are brutally murdered and now I've got to deal with it. Typical.
Anyhoozle, so Nicole goes to her own house where she hopes to find Lucy but no one's home.
This would also be my luck. I would be dealing with dead parent trauma while my bestie was out in my body with my parents at the Red Lobster having a real fanfuckingtastic time. So typical.
And btw, lets not even bother calling the cops and reporting this horrible crime. No, lets find our friend first. That seems like the logical thing to do. Stupid Nicole. Anyway, so Stupid Nicole tries Lucy's boyfriend, Kent's house. Lucy isn't there either. Nicole breaks down and tells Kent all about the body switching and the magical wall and Lucy's dead parents even though she and Lucy agreed not to tell anyone about the switch. So way to go, Nicole.
Kent, bee tee dubs, takes all this craziness extremely well. Like, too well. Like switching bodies by jumping off a fucking wall isn't out of the realm of possibility well. Kent tries to calm Nicole down by getting her some water but he's really calling the police! Nicole high tails it outta there. She goes back to Lucy's house to get some "fresh clothes" and to "fix her hair," like ya do after you've switched bodies with someone and you've just discovered their parents lying in a pool of blood. So Nicole goes to Lucy's room and finds that all her clothes are missing. Which is totes weird, no? No. It's becoming very clear that Lucy set your dumbass up. Could you come to that conclusion already, Nicole!
Nicole finds a knife sticking up from Lucy's desk and there's a note under it! It reads:
I had to kill them.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Lucy K.
It's at this point that Nicole really starts freaking out because now she realizes that Lucy set her up to take the fall for the murder of her parents. Nicole sees that there are two police officers at the door. Uh oh. This doesn't look good for her. So she hauls ass outta there. She goes to get her own car from the school parking lot so that she can cruise around searching for Lucy while also avoiding arrest. She decides to check the mall. Well that makes sense cos if she doesn't find Lucy there at least it won't be a total wash cos she could totes find some super cute jeans and treat herself to an Orange Julius! 
But what luck! She sees Lucy hanging out at a pizza parlor with their mutual friends, Margie and Hannah. Nicole barges in to give Lucy the ole whatfor but when she reaches their table, Lucy is gone! And Margie and Hannah called Nicole by her own name instead of Lucy's! So Lucy must have filled them in about the body-switching! Nicole promptly loses her shit. She leaves the mall and returns to Kent's house cos that worked out so well the first time. 
When she gets there, Kent's body is splayed on the floor and his head has been cut clean off. 
So Nicole books it back to the Changing Wall and tries to do a reverse switcheroo by jumping off the wall while holding a picture of Lucy. Shocker it doesn't work. So Nicole decides to go to school to talk to Margie and Hannah. Again, cos that worked out so well for her the first time. But this time she's gonna demand they tell her where Lucy's hiding. 
When she gets to the school, there are police guarding the entrances. So Nicole sneaks in and hides in a closet in the girl's locker room, waiting for Margie. Well Nicole goes complete crazyballs on Margie. So Margie tries to talk Nicole down from her obvious break with reality. Then someone comes in the locker room so Nicole hides again and when she comes out she finds Margie on the floor with her head bashed in. Nicole thinks Lucy is killing off all the people that know the switcheroo secret. 
So Nicole heads for Lucy's grandmother's house. At this point I don't know if she's trying to avoid Lucy or trying to find her. Anyhoots, when Nicole gets there Grandma calls the cops on her ass too! So Nicole hides in the barn where she finds Lucy! Lucy runs off and Nicole chases after her. I don't know why you'd be chasing after the crazy bitch that's just killed four people but then I don't think Nicole is what you would call a "smart person." 
Lucy runs to an old well and jumps in. So, of course, Nicole follows her. But before she can get to Lucy someone grabs her from behind. It's *gasp* Kent! He's alive! Or maybe a zombie. That would be cooler. I'm hoping he kills Nicole and starts eating her flesh. But he doesn't. Nicole wants to go save Lucy from the well but Kent tells her to just let Lucy drown. Then suddenly Lucy's no longer in the well. She's right next to Kent and she rips his head clear off his body. Then the two police officers grab Nicole. Then another car drives up and inside it are Nicole's parents, Lucy's parents and *the gasps continue* Kent! And they're all alive! For reals this time! And the police officers aren't actually police officers! They work at a mental health facility! Cos it turns out that Nicole is a total crazycake! It also turns out that Lucy died in a car accident three years ago! And all this crazy bullshizz has been in Nicole's head cos Lucy's death totes fucked her up! 
So no one was murdered. There's no Changing Wall. No one switched bodies. It was all just in Nicole's head. Like St. Elsewhere. So.... thanks for wasting my time, Nicole.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Nicole, for why her dumbass parents wouldn't "get" how she switched bodies with her BFF:

My parents are practical, common-sense type people. They're very smart, but they don't have great imaginations.

No offense, girl, but I think you'd have a hard time finding anyone to believe that you switched bodies with your friend by jumping off a fucking wall. I don't think it's your non-imaginative parents with the problem. Sorry, hon.

Part 2 will be coming soon! Until then please comment away if you've got something to say! I'll start you off with this topic: if you could switch bodies with anyone simply by jumping off a fucking wall, who would you wanna switch with? Discuss amongst yourselves.