Evil Eva Reviews... Soulless

EvilEva reviews ...... Soulless by Gail Carriger.

Dissecting The Cover:

This cover is oh-so-subtle yet tee-totes-perfect for this series. It manages to convey what the story is about without really giving anything away. Alexia actually looks the way she's described in the book right down to her trusty parasol. And I like the juxtaposition between foggy old England and the bright, neon 80sness of the title.

Let's Review:

Miss Alexia Tarabotti has some major troubles.

First off, and perhaps most troublesome, she has no soul.

Secondly, and far less offensively (except to certain folks in London society,) she's a spinster with an appreciation for knowledge, literature, and long unescorted walks about town.
Thirdly, and most recently, she was attacked by a vampire whom she subsequently had to kill.
Well things get considerably worse when a failed attempt to abduct Miss Tarabotti reveals a nefarious plot threatening the supernatural population.
Vampires have gone missing only to be mysteriously replaced by new, dreadfully impolite ones. But who's turning these new vamps? And who's going after the loner werewolves? And how does Alexia fit into all of this?

Here's What I Think:

Soulless is the first book in The Parasol Protectorate series, an interesting take on those old sci-fi/fantasy favorites: our overly used paranormal pals, vampires and werewolves.
So how has Gail Carriger managed to, pardon the pun, revamp (har, har!) these classic beasties?
Well, unlike most novels I've read about them, this one is set sometime in the 19th century. We're never given a specific date but everyone is very concerned about manners and dressing appropriately and tea. So, do the math on that one.
Another difference is that their existence isn't this huge secret being kept from humans. The supernatural set is out and proud, y'all. Not that all humans are necessarily excepting of them. After all, there's no Lady Gaga yet. So there's no one to tell them that it's ok to be Born This Way. Or Turned This Way, rather. 
So, for the most part, humans are still kind of afraid of them what with the fangs and the massive hindquarters and whatnot. But some people are more enlightened. And the supernatural-ies do have their own government-type agency. Soooo... progress?    
Anyhoo, another way Ms. Carriger differentiates her novel from others is that she decided that some points in history were so obvs the work of vampires and werewolves. So homegirl rewrites history! You know that whole British Empire thing? They were totally involved. 
I'm not used to such things. Most of the vamp/werewolf fiction I've read has been set in modern times and usually involves a forbidden teenage love triangle of some kind. So this was a nice departure from my ushe and I thought the change was interesting.
However, even though this tale is set in polite times, don't get it twisted.
Miss Alexia Tarabotti is more of a Katniss than a Bella. In fact, I'm fairly certain that if Alexia ever met Bella, the first thing she would do is hit her up side the head with her parasol. Although I'm equally sure that she would be super appalled by Katniss' lack of manners as well. But I digress. 
Alexia is a very headstrong girl. She knows what she wants. She does what she wants to do. She says what she wants to say. She goes where she wants to go (unescorted!) She is the way she is. And even though she might not be everyone's cup of tea, she stays true to who she is. Which is a very bad ass move. Especially given the time period. 
Although I suppose it is a little easier for Alexia to be so brave given the fact that she has no soul. Which sounds horrible BUT it also means that she has this special power that negates the powers of the supernatural. Which totally comes in handy when shit starts to go down. And by shit, I of course mean of the paranormal variety. 
There's this whole mystery that Alexia becomes inadvertently tangled up in. And since it has to do with the supernatural community, Lord Conall Maccon, resident alpha werewolf, BUR bossman, and Alexia's love interest, has to get involved too. So of course there's ca-ray-zy sexual tension between them, reminiscent of that between Lizzie Bennet and Mr. Darcy. (Only minus all those miscommunications and plus some sexytimes!)
Actually I found quite a few similarities between this book and Pride and Prejudice. 
Alexia is an even stronger-willed Lizzie Bennet. The fact that she's single and seems to scare away any prospects she might have doesn't seem to bother her. And she would rather read or have a nice walk with her bestie Ivy Hisselpenny (a total Charlotte!) than attend some tedious party or dance. 
I definitely saw Mrs. Bennet in Alexia's mother. (So obviously I couldn't stand her.) And there were shades of Lydia and Kitty in Alexia's half sisters, Felicity and Evylin.
Lord Maccon wasn't a total Darcy though. I mean, his interactions with Miss Tarabotti, especially in the beginning, were very proud and prejudiced. But, actually I envisioned him more Beast from Beauty and the Beast rather than a waterlogged Colin Firth. 
He's super stubborn and is used to people giving into him and being intimidated by him and simply giving him his way. Which is exactly why he and Alexia have that sexual tension I mentioned before. Because she doesn't let him get away with being so damn alpha-y. 
Anyhoo, the characters are pretty much where the Pride and Prejudice comparison ends. Because Soulless has werewolves and vampires, a mystery and disappearances, scientists and a creepy waxlike man.
So, yeah. There's a lot going on in this book.
It starts out a little slow and a little confusing but the pace picks up eventually although the confusion is still there. There were just a few parts that I thought weren't explained all that well. I mean, quite frankly, I'm stupid, Ms. Carriger. Sometimes I need shizz spelled out for me. Maybe that's just my problem though. Maybe all of you know all about dewans and potentates and the inner workings of the BUR Agency and how to successfully stop a automaton but EvilEva needs a lil' help now and again.
And speaking of that automaton, that was like, my biggest gripe concerning this book. I mean, I liked how it was introduced and I thought it came off super creepy, which ya know I loves, but deactivating the damn thing was supremely anticlimactic in my opinion. I mean, I realize this is sci-fi, and believe me, I can suspend my disbelief as far as the vampires and the werewolves and Miss Tarabotti being a preternatural goes, but this automaton thing would have been much cooler if it took more than a simple handkerchief to shut its ass down. 
Other than that one minor blip though, I liked this story. For me it was a new, interesting take on something that I'm used to reading on a YA level. Plus, points for me for starting out the year with an adult book!

Swoony Times:

Alexia is a rather strong-willed lady with several opinions that she doesn't mind sharing with pretty much anyone.
But this is the 19th century, baby. Opinionated, intelligent, willful ladies aren't seen as "marriage material."
So it'll take a certain kind of guy A.) to find Alexia with her abrasive personality and Italian features attractive and B.) to be strong enough himself to go toe to toe with her.
Enter Lord Conall Maccon. He's not only a werewolf but an Alpha to boot. So he can easily deal with Alexia, stubbornness and all. And what a totes cowink that all of the things that everyone else perceives as Alexia's "flaws" are exactly the things that Lord Maccon finds so irresistible about her. Her dark hair, her olive skin, her ample bosom and bottom, her generous mouth that WON'T STOP TALKING! It all just gives him the wolf-y tingles.
And Alexia is just as smitten with Lord Maccon's intelligence, commanding attitude, and brawny physique.  
But now the most important question: did I feel the swoony-swoon? I'm not quite sure. I mean, Lord Maccon seems like an ok enough fella. But he's a little too bossy and demanding for my taste.
I was more drawn to Professor Lyall, Lord Maccon's right-hand man. He's smart and efficient and he gets shizz done. My kind of dude! :) 

Bonus Shizz:

Sparkly Vampire!
No, not of the Edward Cullen variety.
Lord Akeldama is Alexia's Sassy Gay Friend! He's outrageous and gossipy, he has a harem of muscular lads with names like Biffy, AND he has a wardrobe to rival that of Claudia Kishi!
He can definitely expect this girl to drop by for tea and the latest dish on the scandalous exploits of London's high society anytime!

If You Liked That, Try This:

The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris.
Insatiable by Meg Cabot.

The Scale Of Judgment Says:

...... 3.
It's like if The Luxe had a baby with Twilight and they decided to raise it half sci-fi half steampunk.

******

Evil Eva Reviews... Trail Of The Spellmans

EvilEva reviews ...... Trail of the Spellmans by Lisa Lutz. 

Dissecting The Cover:

This cover is very simple but still conveys what the story is about. It's another Spellman mystery. There will be sleuthing. There may be a lurker. There could be some sneaking around. A flashlight might come into play. It's very Grown Up Nancy Drew!

Let's Review:

Those zany Spellmans are back with even more mystery-solving and family-dysfunction.
Isabel has more cases than ever (some of which have actually been assigned to her.) So she's keeping busy.
The rest of the Spellmans, however, are displaying serious signs of extreme suspicion.
Her mom has suddenly developed an odd obsession with extracurricular activities like pottery, yoga and learning to speak Russian. Her dad is keeping secrets about the family business. Secrets that could directly impede the progress of one of Izzy's cases. And war has been declared between David and Rae. Not that they'll admit why they're at odds.
Further complicating matters, Isabel's boyfriend, Henry Stone, wants her to meet his mother. He also wants to have "a talk." But Izzy's not really into mother-meeting or talk-having so she throws herself into her work instead. 
Adam Cooper wants Isabel to follow his sister. Margaret Slayter wants her husband tailed. The Blakes want to know what debauchery their daughter, Vivien has gotten into while away at college. And Walter Perkins needs someone to constantly check on his appliances to make sure they're properly turned off and unplugged. 
So just another day of sleuthing, drinking, bickering, snarky-remarking, family-tailing, boyfriend-dodging and conversation-avoiding. Or simply, just another day in the life of Isabel Spellman.

Here's What I Think:

Trail of the Spellmans is our fifth go round with the wild and wacky Spellman clan so by now we pretty much feel like part of the family. And part of the family business. And as an honorary PI, we've got a lot of sleuthing to do.
There are enough mysteries crammed into this book to satisfy all you fellow mystery-lovers out there. Not only do we have Isabel's legitimate cases, we've also got some family secrets to figure out. And some relationship drama to avoid deal with.
Really this whole book is a massive jumble of mysteries. Which is good because it seems like mystery novels have become somewhat scarce these days.
But because Izzy is so busy snooping on her family, it leaves very little time for her to actually socialize with them. And that insane Spellman family dynamic is something that I've always loved about this series. So I really missed that aspect. Especially where Rae is concerned.
Rae has always been one of my favorite characters. She started out as a whip smart, sassy 14 year old gumshoe. But book 5 finds her in college and kind of over the whole investigative business. Which is pretty much a dagger to my heart. I thought if any of the Spellmans made the transition from Harriet M. Welsch kiddo-spy to Jessica Fletcher senior citizen sleuth, it would for sure be Rae. But, alas, it seems as though it was not meant to be. *wails and moans in fangirlish fashion*
Another of my faves that's noticeably absent for most of this book is Henry Stone. Which is a fucking shame because I love Henry and totally want to have his fictitious babies.
But Izzy isn't ready for that kind of commitment and so she spends most of her time trying to avoid him. Which isn't that surprising given that Lisa Lutz isn't really known for her blatant use of swoon. Izzy has always been more of a runner than a romantic, things get serious and Izzy is so outta there. I do wish she would settle down a little bit though. She's got a good guy in Henry and it would be awesome if she could see that. 
I mean, I'm not asking for a marriage proposal or anything, but it would've been nice for Henry to make a few boyfriendly appearances. 
So really my only problem with this book was the lack of our usual suspects.
Because Lisa Lutz has done such a great job over the years of endearing these characters to the reader and making them so lovably flawed that we miss them when they're not there. And while Isabel is an amazing main character, this series is really at its best as an ensemble.
My ONLY problem is that I just can't get enough of these characters!
Other than that non-problem, Trail of the Spellmans is yet another funny, foul-mouthed, mystery-packed extravaganza that left me eagerly anticipating book 6.

Swoony Times:

As I mentioned before, I LOVE Henry Stone. I've loved him since the very first book. You know who he's always reminded me of? Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls. Sure, at first he seems kinda grouchy and very no-nonsense but he's also really sweet and caring and you can't help but fall for him with each turn of the page.
But where is Henry in this book? I'll tell you where he isn't--- anywhere to be found. Well that's not true, actually. He is in the book just not nearly enough.
Things start getting a little too serious for the couple, so, of course, it's time for Izzy to bail. Unfortch, we the reader are forced to bail with her. 
This isn't some new development though. It's pretty much a pattern with Isabel. Girl's immune to the swoon. I'm not though. And as I said before, I'd be more than happy to pop out 2 or 3 gruff but kindhearted lil' Henrys.

Bonus Shizz:

Mysteries!
Check the name of this blog, homey, I'm always down for a good mystery! Couple it with seriously sarcastic smartassery and I'm really down.
And Lisa Lutz has got this shizz down to a science.
In Trail of the Spellmans there's no shortage of mystery. And each is as delightfully ridiculous as the next! There's The Case of the Possibly Philandering Husband, The Secret of the Somewhat Wayward Daughter and The Mystery of the Unexpectedly Plugged-In Toaster, just to name a few.

Dysfunctional Families!
Is it just me or are dysfunctional families just so totes fun? I mean, it's right there in the name--- dys-FUN-ctional! And the Spellmans are definitely a dysfunctional family. But that's also what makes them such a fun bunch!
They all have such strong personalities, they're all so individually quirky and that nutty family dynamic is one of the things that makes this series so enjoyably readable.

If You Liked That, Try This:

Bad Kitty by Michele Jaffe.
The Heather Wells series by Meg Cabot.  

The Scale Of Judgment Says:

...... 4.
I love a good, snark-filled mystery! Can this become a new book trend, please?

EvilEva Reviews... Pretty Little Liars: Ruthless

EvilEva reviews ...... Pretty Little Liars: Ruthless by Sara Shepard. 

WARNING!

This Is The 10th Book In This Series!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Dissecting The Cover:

Typical PLL cover. Real girl on the back, doll version made to look like the real girl on the front.
It's gimmicky, I guess, but this particular gimmick seems to work on me cos I love these covers!
They're bold, they're sassy and they make me slightly nostalgic for my old Barbies.

Let's Review:

Spencer, Hanna, Emily and Aria can't seem to stop it with the secret-keeping. Which is bad for them but good for the ever mysterious A. That bitch is still in business, stalking and toying with the girls and generally wreaking havoc on their lives.
A continues to torment them with the terrible truth about what happened in Jamaica. As well as a few other secrets.
Spencer did a bad, bad thing over the summer. And she feels super guilty about it. Not guilty enough to confess though. See, she needs to keep a squeaky clean record to get into Princeton. Which is tough since she went all Jessica-Spano-on-caffeine-pills-singing-"I'm So Excited"- to-a-bewildered-Zack-Morris and someone got hurt.
Now Spence is trying to put it behind her and focus on her part in the school's production of Macbeth. But it seems the role of Lady M is hitting a little too close to home what with all that Out, damned spotting.
Aria has the misfortune of being paired with her arch nemesis and possible boyfriend thief, Klaudia, for an art history project. Which Klaudia is all about leaving for Aria to deal with.
But things start looking up when Aria reconnects with her old flame/English teacher, Ezra Fitz. And he's written a novel! About their inappropriate relationship! And it's called See Me After Class! Eww!
Emily's found a really sweet girl who reminds her of Ali. (Cos that worked out so well for ya the first time, sweetie?) But she finds out that Kay has a secret of her own. Oh and there's the slight possibility that Kay might be A!
Hanna's all about helping her dad with his campaign..... until she meets a super hot guy named Liam! So of course she gets all whipped up in a clandestine relationship with him. And of course Liam isn't being 100%  honest with her.
It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same in Rosewood.
Can't anyone just tell the truth?

Here's What I Think:

I was a little disappointed in this book because to me it seemed like none of the storylines from Twisted were picked up in Ruthless.
In fact, the book starts out with Spencer in trouble with the police, worrying that a girl named Kelsey might rat her out. And I was like "wait a second. who's Kelsey? should I know her? was she in Twisted? why is Spencer in jail? what's she so concerned about being ratted out for? I'm sooooooo confused!"
Then I realized that most of what happened in the previous book was pretty much moot now. Ruthless is basically a whole new story.
True, Klaudia is still a thorn in Aria's side, trying to ruin her relationship with Noel Kahn. But not with as much gusto as before. Aria's mainly fangirling about having Mr. Fitz back in her life. Even though he comes off as an insecure d-bag.
And Hanna's still helping her dad with his Senate campaign. But early on in the book she comes clean about the whole Patrick Thing, how he blackmailed her with racy pictures and she had to steal money from petty cash to pay him off and someone else got fired because of it. Hanna's dad is actually pretty understanding about it but then we never hear about the situation again. Instead, Hanna gets all twitterpated over a guy she just met.
Emily and Spencer have completely new secrets this time around.
Chloe Roland and her skeevy father that hit on Emily aren't really mentioned in Ruthless.
Instead of worrying with that shizz, Emily lets her hair down when her sister Beth comes to town for like four chapters. I guess her sister's visit was just supposed to set up Emily meeting a girl named Kay at a party she attends with the aforementioned sister because from that point on Beth's back in Arizona and Emily is all  about her new girlfriend. 
Spencer's story is the most dramatic shift. Her mom and Mr. Pennythistle's relationship is no longer a topic and her soon-to-be stepbrother Zach who was sent to military school because of his homosexual tendencies is pretty much forgotten. 
In Ruthless, Spencer is in some deep doo doo. Like trouble-with-the-law, betrayed-a-friend doo doo. 
And while it's fun to read about all the secrets and lies, I would have preferred if the storylines were more cohesive. Maybe things will come back together in Stunning (coming to a bookstore near you June 5th.)

Swoony Times:

So it seems like each girl had a little somethin' somethin' going on in this book. But none of the moments were particularly swoontastic. Or memorable.
I was kinda rooting for Spencer and Beau. There were a few does-he-like-her-or-not moments. I thought Beau was a good match for Spencer. They could have benefited from Sebastian the crab paddling up in his rowboat though.

Bonus Shizz:

Red Herrings!
Sara Shepard is pretty much the queen of red herrings. Just when you think she's gonna zig, she surprises you by bustin' out a zag. I like that about this series. Even though we're 10 stories in, it's never short on twists and turns.

If You Liked That, Try This:

The Lying Game by Sara Shepard.
Private by Kate Brian.

The Scale of  Judgment Says:

...... 3 and a half.
The little liars secrets are getting a little stale.

The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 12 Reviews

And now for the reviews of the final two books I read in 2011!

EvilEva reviews...... The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.

On a random Sunday night in New York City, Clary Fray and her friend Simon decide to hit the Pandemonium Club in an effort to beat boredom.
But Clary's night suddenly becomes anything but boring when she witnesses a murder. And finds out that the boy that was murdered was really a demon and the three teenagers who murdered him are Shadowhunters, a special group of warriors whose duty is to rid the world of his kind. Also shocking? It seems no one else is able to see them.
So obvs Clary's life is about to change big time. And it does. Her mother disappears and a demon attacks Clary in her own home. Then Clary is surprised to find one of the Shadowhunters, golden-haired pretty boy Jace, has come to her rescue. He whisks her off to the Institute to keep her safe and informs her that her mother might be in serious trouble. Like demon/warlock serious trouble. Oh and also that Clary herself may be a Shadowhunter.
So with this new, crazy information Clary begins her harrowing journey to find her mother and to find out the truth of who she really is.

I don't really know how to write this review. I wanted to like this book. I mean, I liked it but I wasn't exactly swept up into the Shadowhunter world like Stephenie Meyer evidently was based on her front cover blurb.  
And while I am curious to see what happens next, I'm not exactly clamoring to go out and buy City of Ashes right this very minute.
Truthfully I wasn't all that impressed with Clary as a heroine. There was something very Bella-esque about her in that she was constantly getting pushed to the side so that the menfolk could defend her honor and keep her safe. I mean, get some ovaries and go kick some ass, lady.
My problem wasn't solely with Clary though. Oh no. It was mainly with Jace. I felt NO swoon for him. He did absolutely NOTHING for my lady parts. I found him to be arrogant, condescending, cocky and rude. I understand that he's the Bad Boy and every girl loves a Bad Boy but I honestly don't. I don't care how many times you refer to his golden locks or his rock hard body. I will always wanna punch him in the throat.
I would much rather have Simon. Or maybe Luke. They were my favorites and I couldn't help but wish they were in the story more.
As for the story, I really should have liked the hell out of it. I mean, it's basically all about monster hunting. As is my favorite show, Supernatural. So this should have been a total slam dunk. But Clary and Jace are no Sam and Dean. And I never fully connected with either character.
That being said, there were a few good twists that I didn't see coming. However I feel like I didn't really get a chance to enjoy them because I first had to slog through 40 pages of filler that really had little to do with the book on the whole. Like Simon being turned into a rat and being stolen by the vampires. Other than introducing the werewolves who would play into the story later on, I really didn't see what that scene added to the story.
Running up against those filler scenes was frustrating. It's like my brain could tell when one was coming up and so it would kinda shut down so it took me longer to read through because I was busy trying to determine what this had to do with anything.
I don't know. I was really bummed that I didn't like this book more. I know a lot of people that do so I'm wondering if there are any other weirdos out there like me that couldn't really get into it.

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3.

EvilEva reviews...... The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart.

When Reynie Muldoon, an orphan from the Stonetown Orphanage, sees and advertisement in the local newspaper proclaiming:
"ARE YOU A GIFTED CHILD LOOKING FOR SPECIAL OPPORTUNITIES?"
he's very interested at the prospect of putting his smarts to the test.
But they are very odd tests with very odd questions, which makes Reynie very nervous.
In the end, however, Reynie and three other children (Sticky, Kate and Constance) pass and are escorted to the home of the strange Mr. Benedict.
Mr. Benedict has a special task for the four children to complete. They are to become spies. They'll be sent to an island that houses a mysterious school called the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened.
Once there, they are to assume the role of regular students while secretly spying on the founder of the Institute, the disturbingly familiar Mr. Curtain.
Their mission is to take what they've learned from Mr. Benedict, use their specific gifts and work together to take down Mr. Curtain and his diabolical plot to control the world.
But Reynie and his new friends are just children and Mr. Curtain is an evil genius.
Do they have what it takes to complete their mission?

This is really fun kid-lit. The characters are very likable. There are adventures a go-go. Plus there are puzzles and mind benders and even a quiz at the end of the book so that you can see if you've got what it takes to be a part of The Mysterious Benedict Society.
I read reviews where people drew parallels between this book and those of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket. I get those comparisons. The Mysterious Benedict Society is made up of four kids that are whip-smart and that need to use their unique brands of brilliance in order to outsmart the smarmy adults. They are also four kids that seem misplaced which is what brings them to the testing facility to begin with. They're looking for these "special opportunities" but they're also looking for a place where they belong.
The story is told primarily from Reynie's point of view. Reynie is an orphan with no real friends except for his tutor, Miss Perumal who encourages him to pursue the opportunities advertised in the paper. Reynie is smart but he truly excels at puzzles and brain teasers.
The day of the final test, Reynie meets Sticky (aka George) Washington. Sticky is a shy runaway that seems to have a photographic memory. He's very book smart and retains everything he reads. Unfortunately he's not very brave. But that's ok because on that day the boys also meet Kate Wetherall (aka The Great Kate Weather Machine) (also aka my personal favorite Society member) who is brave enough for all of them. She has a red bucket which she carries everywhere with her and which contains all of her special things. Kate is super resourceful and uses her special bucket things like a 12 year old girl version of Macgyver. She's always up for an adventure and she's very strong, qualities she no doubt cultivated when she RAN AWAY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS!!!
Lastly but not leastly, the children meet the final member of The Mysterious Benedict Society, Constance Contraire who is quite contrary. Constance is a short little thing with a short little fuse. She's fussy and stubborn and not at all agreeable. Reynie, Sticky and Kate often wonder throughout the book how Constance passed Mr. Benedict's tests as she doesn't seem particularly clever, resourceful or brave. But Constance proves to be as valuable a member of the society as any of the children. 
So Reynie, Sticky, Kate and Constance make up The Mysterious Benedict Society and it's up to them to stop the evil Mr. Curtain from succeeding in his dastardly plot to brainwash the world into submission.
Like I said before, this is fun kid-lit. If you're an adult, it brings you to that Goonies state of mind. Where kids can have fantastical adventures and outsmart the bad guys and inevitably save the day. If you're an actual kid, I imagine it's even better. :)

P.S. At the end of the book there's a letter from Mr. Benedict encouraging the reader to figure out his first name. If you wanna figure out the mystery yourself then by all means skip this part cos I'm about to amaze the fudge out of ya!

For the answer you'll have to check out the back of the book. Underneath the synopsis you'll notice a series of dots and dashes. This is Mr. Benedict's super-secret-unless-you-know-morse-code-which-I-of-course-do-because-i'm-a-girl-sleuth :) first name. It reads: 

-.  ..  -.-.  ....  ---  .-..  .-  ...   

AKA* 

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3 and a half.





*Nicholas!

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 11 Part 2 Reviews

Time to head back to Stoneybrook to catch up with our favorite babysitters! Are you ready? Here we go.....

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the  Attic by Ann M. Martin. 

Circa: 1992.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*OMG! Mary Anne is actually in her attic hidey hole! At least her daddy allowed her to have a flashlight. Mary Anne's lucky she's an only child. If you find a creep named Christopher up there you better haul ass, Mary Anne!

Let's Review:
It's time for Heritage Day in Stoneybrook! Heritage Day is a made up holiday in which we celebrate our ancestors moving to Stoneybrook by making the elementary school students do research papers, write poems, perform skits and other assorted shit. While that sounds like one of the dullest holidays ever to me, the BSC is crazy excited about it. Except sad sack Mary Anne.
Because unlike the rest of the Baby-Sitters Club, Mary Anne's mother died when Mary Anne was just a baby and her dad is super controlling and refuses to tell her anything about her past. And Mary Anne is too much of a sad sack chicken shit to actually woman up and just demand that her dad tell her what she wants to know.
So Mary Anne roots through boxes in the attic to find anything she can about her past. What Mary Anne finds are pics of herself as a baby with two old people she's never seen before and letters written by these old people to her father. Mary Anne finds out that after her mother died of this mystery illness that no one ever names, her father sent her off to live with her mother's parents. So Mary Anne thinks that her dad didn't want her and instead of, i don't know, ASKING HIM ABOUT IT, Mary Anne mopes around for a week or so.
Then she accidentally picks up the phone while her father's talking to someone on it. That someone is Mary Anne's grandmother! And she wants Mary Anne back! But Mary Anne's father didn't have that hidey hole in the attic where he stores Mary Anne when she's not baby-sitting built for nothing! So G-Maw can suck it! Mary Anne gets super emotional as she is wont to do. But again, doesn't confront her dad.
Meanwhile, the BSC decide to make a booth for Heritage Day. They're gonna make giant cardboard cutouts of famous Stoneybrookians and take people's pictures with them and give the proceeds to the historical society. Cos the BSC are such fucking goody-goodies.
Well while making the cutouts, at Mary Anne's house natch, they spill paint and Logan is suddenly topless and music is blaring and it's all just a big ol' mess. Then the doorbell rings! Mary Anne answers it and thinks the lady is a social worker sent by her evil G-Maw to prove that Mary Anne's dad is an unfit parent! Oh noes! Loud music, a messy household, and a shirtless 13 year old boy in the house will not make a good case for Mary Anne's dad!
Mary Anne worries about this now. Again, not telling her dad any of her thoughts or fears.
Finally it's Heritage Day! And seeing everyone else's non-jacked up family's proudly displaying their non-jacked up family trees, Mary Anne finally breaks down and tells her dad that she snooped through the boxes in the attic. She finally tells him that she feels like a part of her is missing cos he never talks about her mom or their past. 
So Mary Anne's dad finally explains all the shizz about her grandparents. When her mother died, Mary Anne's dad sent her to live with her grandparents so he could get his shit together. Then when he finally got his shit together he immediately wanted her back but the grandparents weren't sure he was ready. So they kinda fought over Mary Anne and her dad won. And since her grandparents were kinda douchey, he never let them see her again.
Now her dad is butt hurt because Mary Anne feels incomplete. So he gives her a letter from her mom that he was supposed to give her on her 16th birthday. 
Mary Anne's happy but still upset that she's gonna be shipped off to live with her evil grandmother that she doesn't even know. 
Her dad explains that her G-Maw doesn't want custody. She just wants Mary Anne to visit. 
But what about the social worker?
Well it wasn't a social worker at all. It was just a census taker wanting to know how many people lived in their house! Oh how stupid Mary Anne feels! 
But she would like to visit her G-Maw now that she knows she's not an evil old lady that wants to kidnap her. 
So Mary Anne heads to Iowa and writes the most boring correspondence EVER. But we wouldn't expect anything less from sad sack Mary Anne!

Say Whaaat!?:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
We'll just give it to Ann M. Martin herself for this racy nugget of inappropriateness:

Logan got the worst of it: his shirt was nearly covered with paint. "This is ridiculous," he said. "Every time I move, I get more paint on me." He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off.
"Woo!" said Kristy.

What are you Wooing for Kristy? We all know you wish it was Shannon taking off her shirt.

EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery of the Museum by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1993.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Huh. Claudia's actually dressed like a semi-normal human being today.
*What is up with that suit of armor? That must have been a very ill-shaped knight. His legs are teeny tiny and his arms nearly reach the floor. 
*That security guard doesn't look too concerned with the broken display case. He looks mad because Claudia's outfit isn't nearly "wild" enough.
* The tagline reads:

What kind of crook would steal art?

Um, an art thief?

Let's Review:
Claudia's super excited about the new museum in Stoneybrook! It'll be a great place to take her baby-sitting charges, plus it has some pieces by her fave sculptor, Don Newman. 
So Claudia rounds up some art-loving kids and takes them to the museum. While they're there the museum is robbed! Someone steals ancient coins! 
Because of her Nancy Drew obsession (my girl!) Claudia thinks she can totes solve this mystery. She starts by looking at museum-goers as suspects. There's a Brownie troupe, a custodian, a few families and a questionable guy with one blue eye and one green eye. Clearly that's the sign of the devil. So this guy must be the culprit. 
Claud tells the rest of the BSC about the robbery and how she wants to solve the case. 
The BSC puzzles til their puzzlers are sore. When suddenly Mallory has a flash of genius! Whoever stole the coins must have hidden them somewhere in the museum because shortly after the alarm bells went off everyone was patted down. The girls decide to head back to the museum to look for clues. Claudia sees the man with one blue eye and one green eye again! The BSC tails him throughout the museum until he gets annoyed and leaves. The girls think it's very suspicious that this guy got all annoyed that a group of girls were following him around while he tried to enjoy the art. So blue eye/green eye is definitely a suspect. 
Claudia goes back to the museum again to see the Don Newman exhibit. Stacey goes with. 
While molesting one of Don Newman's sculptures, Claudia gets the feeling that it might be a fake. So she marches to the curator's office to tell him so. The curator thinks Claudia's full of shit but humors her by checking the sculpture. He seems to think it's fine. Claudia doesn't. The curator acts kinda douchey. So now he's bumped blue eye/green eye to suspect #2 and taken his place as suspect numero uno. 
And since he was being so douchetastic and Claudia completely doesn't trust him anymore, she swipes one of his resumes which he just so happens to have lying about on his desk. 
So the girls hit the library to research the no good curator and find out that there have been multiple robberies at various museums he's worked at.
And Claudia can't get the sculpture out of her head so she dials up information and gets Don Newman's home number. She calls and tells him that she thinks his art may be a fake. Don Newman is the opposite of douchetastic and invites Claudia to a fancy soiree at the museum which he'll also be attending. He tells her they can check on the piece together. Don Newman is being super nice to Claudia. EvilEva wonders if Chris Hanson needs to be summoned.
So Claudia dons a fancy kimono and attends the fancy formal event. She meets up with Don and they go to check out his sculpture. But it's gone! It's been packed up and ready to ship to his next show. So Claud and Don head to the storage room. Before they can get inside a custodian walks up. So they hide. The custodian goes into the storage room, finds the sculpture and pulls the stolen coins from a hidden compartment inside the sculpture and drops them in his mop bucket. Don tackles the custodian and blue eye/green eye tackles Don! Turns out blue eye/green eye is a special agent that deals with art thievery! And the curator was hired for his special robbery-prevention skills! And the custodian was gonna sell the coins to a museum in Switzerland! Who are supposed to be neutral!
But Claudia saved the day! Even though it was by dumb lucky and she originally thought the good guys were the thieves!

Say Whaaat!?:
And most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Claudia, for attempting to describe the reason behind Mary Anne's dad's new laid-backness:

Remember I mentioned that Mary Anne's father had loosened up a little? Well, we think it may have had something to do with the fact that he fell in love again with an old high school girlfriend, and then married her.

It also might be because he's getting laid now on a regular basis.

Oh, and also there's this:
Claudia describes why every other Kishi is a piece of shit:

They also wish I would a) stop eating junk food and b) stop reading Nancy Drew books.

Fuck you, Mr. and Mrs. Kishi.

That's all from Stoneybrook for this month. I can't believe that I only have one more round of super book nostalgia to get through before the year is up. *sigh* But don't worry. I plan on revisiting the BSC in a big way next month! Hint: it'll be Super Special! ;)

The TBR Back Burner Challenge: Round 11 Reviews

I've gotten somewhat behind in the many series that I'm involved in. So this month will be dedicated to catching up with the girls from Private and The Lying Game.

Warning!

These reviews are of books that are in a series!

Spoilers ahead!

If you haven't read the first books, you may want to stop here!

EvilEva reviews...... The Lying Game: Never Have I Ever by Sara Shepard.

 
The games are back. And the stakes are higher than ever. 
Someone murdered Sutton Mercer, and it's up to her long-lost twin sister, Emma to figure out who. But the deeper Emma digs the more suspects she uncovers. And the more danger she finds herself in. 
Because Sutton's killer is still out there and whoever it is knows Emma's little secret. Now Emma must play along or she could be next.

It's been awhile since I read the first book in The Lying Game series so I admit that my memory of Emma, Sutton and Co. is a little hazy. Made hazier still by the fact that I watched the TV series which is nothing like the book. So when starting Never Have I Ever I was very confused because I didn't know if I was remembering what happened in the book or what happened in the show.
So my advice to you would be to skip the show because a) it's not very good and 2) it'll fuck with your memory of the book.
Speaking of the book, let's, well, speak of the book.
Never Have I Ever continues the mystery of who offed Sutton Mercer. Emma, Sutton's long-lost sister, is forced to be Sutton, to pretend that Sutton is still alive and well. But Emma's also trying to piece together who her sister was so that she can figure out what happened to her and who would want her dead.
Unfortch for Emma, it seems that Sutton's amassed a large following of haters, some of which are her own friends. So the suspect list is a very long one.
Luckily Emma has Ethan, the only person in Tucson that knows her true identity.
Emma and Ethan get their Nancy Drew on and while they clear some names, they're still no closer to any resolution. Sutton did a lot of shitty things. She pissed off a lot of people. But who was angry enough to kill her and blackmail her sister? We still don't know.
But there are a few reveals this time around.
We find out the cause of the Twitter Twins beef with Sutton. We get a few flashbacks to Sutton's past. We discover Madeline's dark secret. And we have new suspects that weren't even considered before.
Plus the swoony times between Emma and Ethan are upped for our reading pleasure. Never has a game of Marco Polo been rife with such sexual tension!
The mystery is unraveling slowly but steadily. The Lying Game seems to be going the way of its older sister, Pretty Little Liars. Meaning if you want a problem-solved-by-the-final-page book you're barking up the wrong tree with this series. But if you're like me and don't mind the twists and turns and cliffhangers being spread out through several books, then I would advise that you catch up with The Lying Game. Cos nobody does a fun, soapy, drama-filled whodunit quite like Sara Shepard!

The Scale of Judgment says...... 4.

EvilEva reviews...... Private: Vengeance by Kate Brian.

A lot has happened to Reed Brennan in the past two years. But this year she'd like to put the past behind her. Reed wants to enjoy the present and look forward to the future.
Because life is short. So Reed is ready to do something big.
She wants to rebuild Billings!
She has the money and draws up the plans and soon enough Billings is on its way to being restored to its former glory. 
But someone wants to stop the process of revamping Billings---permanently. And they'll go to dangerous lengths to make sure Reed doesn't get what she wants.

This is the final book in the Private series. And while I'm sad to see it go, I do think it's time. There are only so many times that a person can narrowly escape murder by various individuals before it gets a little ridick. 
That being said, surprise surprise, someone's trying to kill Reed- AGAIN! This is book 14 and I'm surprised that Reed still has any friends at this point. I think I'd be like "no offense, girl, you're great and all but I'd kinda like to make it to senior year so... see ya." And then you'd see a me-shaped hole in her dormroom door.
Anyway, Reed is still public enemy number one for Eatson's resident psychotics. She's still super obsessed with Billings. And she's a little emotional because most of her friends, including that hot toddy Josh, will be graduating this year. But mostly she's just obsessed with Billings. This is something that's always bugged me about Reed. Her lack of interest for anything not Billings related. 
I mean, it's like she would choose this inanimate nothing over everything else in her life. To me it seems like she prefers the idea of this legendary sisterhood over the actual sisters of said sisterhood. 
Because really Reed hardly ever hangs out with any of the girls. She's always off doing some sort of Billings bullshit. It makes me think that even after Reed graduates she'll never leave Billings. She'll be the Mrs. Rochester of Easton.
So that can be frustrating to read. Especially when you know that Reed's super fine boyfriend, Josh is being left unattended and uncared for. If it were me I'd say fuck Billings and I'd go rock Josh's world in the Art Cemetery. But that's just me. 
Anyway, as a final book, Vengeance, took the Private series out with a "meh." It could've been better. There were a few parts that seemed rushed and some parts that just seemed thrown in.
I hate saying that because I really liked this series. The first books, I was so totes all in. 
Then there was that stranded on a deserted island thing. And that whole "hey we're descended from witches" thing. And after awhile I just got tired of jumping that shark, knowwhati'msayin'? 
So I was a little disappointed that this is how it all ends. I wish the series could've gone out with a bang. But--- meh. 

The Scale of Judgment says...... 3.

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 11 Part 1 Reviews

Have y'all been desperately missing the antics of Karen Brewer, little sister to the bossiest, least likable member of The Baby-Sitters Club? Yeah me neither. But let's check in with her annoying ass anyway.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #1: Karen's Witch by Ann M. Martin.

 
Circa: 1988.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
* Karen is wearing a truly fulgy sweater and jeans that look about two sizes too long. Isn't your dad a millionaire? I know he is because it's mention ALL THE TIME in The Baby-Sitters Club series.
* Karen's face kinda looks like that kid's from Jerry Maguire. Also it looks like it may weigh more than 8 pounds.  
* She's spying on her neighbor whom she thinks is a witch. But Mrs. Porter is just old. And Karen is just stupid.
* Mrs. Porter's house is fucking sweet! Except for its close proximity to Karen's house. Only drawback.
* The tagline reads:

Is Karen's next-door neighbor a witch?

No, but Karen is an idiot.

Let's Review:
Karen Brewer is a six year old (almost seven year old!) busybody that's always all up in everyone else's Kool-Aid. She's also a close-minded dumbass who thinks her next door neighbor, Mrs. Porter is a witch just because she wears black and has white hair and owns a black cat and an herb garden.
One night after reading witch stories, Karen swears she sees Mrs. Porter, whom she's stupidly dubbed Morbidda Destiny, fly from the second floor window of her house on a broomstick. Karen is, of course, full of doo doo. 
So she decides to spy on The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny with her bff, Hannie. The girls overhear The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny talking to herself while gardening. She says something about an "important meeting," and "company coming," and "midnight." So Karen's dumb ass thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is planning a witches meeting at midnight. Well Karen won't stand for this bullshizz so she and Hannie go and filch some of The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's herbs from her garden and decide to make up their own spell to ward off the witches so that they can save their neighborhood. Save their neighborhood from what, I don't know. 
Anyway, they place the herbs in their pockets and march up to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny's door. The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is surprised to see them since I would assume that she hates them and thus never invites them over to her house. But, be that as it may, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny lets the girls in. Bad move, The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. 
Karen goes into the room where all the "witches" have gathered and she calls them out on their witchy ways and tells them that if they try to ruin her neighborhood then she will fucking bury them. And by fucking bury them she means tattle on them to her super rich daddy. Then Hannie starts crying. 
Karen's grandmother, who happens to be friends with The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny, explains to Karen that this isn't a witch meeting, it's a garden club meeting. Grams makes the girls apologize for being so stupid and then escorts them off of the property. 
Karen's taken home and forced to explain to her parents that she spied on their neighbor and falsely accused her and all her friends of being evil witches and warlocks. But Karen doesn't get in much trouble cos she was oh so nobly trying to save the neighborhood. From gardeners. 
But her parents do make her write an apology letter to The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny. And that's all for her punishment. Even though she totes still thinks The Stupidly Dubbed Morbidda Destiny is a witch. 
So Karen basically learned......... um, nothing. 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, natch. For this:

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Let's pretend we're witches. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Uh, bitch, this whole time you've been a huge a-hole about Mrs. Porter maybe being a witch and now you wanna pretend to be one?!?!? So I guess the only acceptable way to be a witch is if you're Karen. What a bitch!

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters Little Sister #3: Karen's Worst Day by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Aw, Boo Boo the cat looks like a neighborhood cat that used to take up residence in our backyard all the time. I mean, except for the Hitler mustache. 
* Karen looks so stupid on this cover. She doesn't look like she's upset that Boo Boo tree-ed himself just to get away from her. She looks like someone just beamed her upside the head with a pine cone. Oh how I wish that someone was me.
* Karen has a lot of signatures on her cast. I find it hard to believe that that many people like Karen enough to want to sign her cast. Although, truth be told, I've always wanted to sign someone's cast:
Way to go, dumbass!
Karen's would be the perfect cast to sign that way!

Let's Review:
Karen is having a really bad day. In fact it's her Worst Day EVER! In fact it may be the Worst Day of anyone's life Ever EVER! Karen is in no way overdramatizing the horribleness of this day. I mean, she started the day waking up from a nightmare! Then she realizes that she forgot her new fave jeans with the zippers up the sides at her mom's house!
Then Andrew gets the last of the Crunch-O's cereal and the prize! And even when Elizabeth tries to help make Karen less bitchy by giving her a new box of Crunch-O's, Karen is devastated to find that the prize pack is EMPTY! I mean, who cares that there are starving non-bitchy children in Africa that would totally take that cereal even without a prize.
So Karen decides to turn her day around by watching some hilarious Mr. Ed reruns. But Mr. Ed's timeslot has been hijacked by some "special program." Probably about those hungry African kids. Man, Karen just cannot catch a break.
But it's still early in the morning so maybe Karen can make herself feel better by playing with Shannon the dog. But Shannon, much like myself, can't be bothered with Karen and her dumbassery. So Karen tries to play with Boo Boo the cat instead. But Boo Boo, much like myself, would rather climb a tree than hang out with Karen. Finally Boo Boo jumps down but still has no interest in playing with Karen.
Meanwhile, Morbidda Destiny is busy minding her own business in her own yard and exclaims "fiddlesticks!" Which Karen, being a complete moron, thinks is a curse. So Karen runs inside.
Then Karen's bff Hannie comes over with her brother and asks if Karen and David Michael would like to ride bikes to Harry's Brook to catch minnows and have a picnic.
Well Karen loses her shit and calls Hannie a toad because she so insensitively asked Karen to ride bikes when she knows good and damn well that Karen can't ride a bike on account of her broken arm. Karen storms back into the house while Hannie, her brother and David Michael pedal off to enjoy a Karen-free afternoon.
Kristy doesn't get off so easily. She's forced to play checkers with Satan. I mean, Karen. But Karen gets pissy when Kristy lets her win so she storms off yet again.
Then even more bad shit happens.
Karen's stuffed cat gets ripped, there's no more cherry Italian ice on Mr. Tastee's ice cream truck and Andrew got a package and Karen didn't so she acts like an even bigger d-bag to him since he can totally control when people mail shit to him.
But finally at dinnertime, things start turning around. Karen's family discuss their own horrible days and Karen realizes that as far as bad days go she would hold the record for the most shitious things happening to a person in one day! So Karen is a winner!  
Then things get Even Better after dinner cos Charlie and Sam take Karen to go get ice cream. And the ice cream parlor actually has exactly what Karen wants. And Charlie's friends thought Karen was 26 and that she was Charlie's girlfriend which delights Karen to no end because she doesn't understand how you're not supposed to date your stepbrother especially if you're 10 years older than him.
Anyway, they go home and Karen apologizes to all the people who felt her wrath today. And everyone accepts her apology because you don't wanna be on Karen's shit list. The end!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, for her explanation of why she's going to read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to her brother Andrew:

"Do you want me to read it to you?" If I read it, you might understand how I felt. And why I yelled at you."

Uh, you yelled at him because you're a jackass that can't be happy for anyone else.

Well y'all, it's official--- No more Karen Brewer in 2011!!! Yay!!! We survived!!! Will we be as lucky in 2012? We'll just have to wait and see. ;) 

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 9 Part 2 Reviews

Well y'all it's time for more gigundoly shitty reading. You know what that means. More of that controlling bitch Karen Brewer. Lets see if we can stand her for two whole books.

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters: Little Sister #101: Karen's Chain Letter by Ann M. Martin.

Circa: 1998.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*OMG Karen has a fucking side-ponytail! Bitch, this is circa: 1998, what are you doing still wearing a side-pony?!
*Karen, ditch the Sally Jesse glasses already. 
*I know they have schools for the blind but do they also have special schools for the really, really near-sighted? Why is everyone wearing glasses?
*The boy on the cover, who I can only assume is that nub Ricky Torres, looks way overeager. he looks like he may have just jizzed his pants in delight. 

Lets Review:
Karen has a new hobby. Stamp collecting! And she is gigundoly excited about it even though it sounds like about the dullest thing EVER. But Karen wishes she could get even more stamps so she almost shits her pants with joy when she gets a chain letter because Karen is an idiot! This chain letter promises good luck and postcards.
So Karen gets super excited about this chain letter business. That is, until her dad completely shatters all of her stamp collecting dreams by shutting down her idea because it's too "dangerous" to willingly send "complete strangers" your home address especially when you're a "minor."
Well Karen won't let a little thing like her dad telling her no stop her. She decides to put her name along with the address of... her school on the chain letter. Cos Karen's a thinker, y'all.
While Karen waits for her postcards to come pouring in, she proudly shows off her stamp collection to anyone that'll look at it. Suddenly stamp collecting fever hits Ms. Colman's second grade class much like the Beanie Baby craze of yesteryear. 
Karen finally starts getting a butt ton of postcards (and even better--- stamps!) Her chain letter is finally paying off! Which means now all of her classmates wanna get in on it too. But Ms. Colman isn't happy. She doesn't wanna be Karen's personal postal worker and is pissed that her class is interrupted every time Karen gets mail. So Ms. Colman calls Karen's dad and she gets in big fat trouble cos she lied when she told Ms. Colman that using the school's address was her father's idea.
So now whenever Karen receives a postcard she has to share the stamps with her loser classmates. Even worse than having to--- Eww!---share, the other kids were smart enough to print their own addresses on the chain letter so they get the stamps from their postcards  and half of Karen's! Boo and bullfrogs, it's so unfair! 
So Karen acts like a brat cos stamp collecting was her idea first and now because Ms. Colman is such a ginormous bitch, Karen's collection is gonna be the shittiest in the class. All seems lost, but then Ricky actually reads his postcard and the class finds out that these children that have been writing to their selfish asses were actually waiting for a response. So then Karen comes up with the idea of starting their own class website so that they might correspond with these kids more expediently than with snail-mail. So Ms. Colman agrees to start a website cos you don't wanna be on Karen's shitlist too long and everything ends the way it's supposed to--- Karen's way.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
It's a tie! First we congratulate Karen's dad for this nugget:

"First of all," said Daddy, "it is against the law to send some chain letters through the mail. The post office keeps track of these things. If you send a chain letter that tells people to send money, you can be arrested."

What!?! I'm pretty sure you'll only get arrested if your chain letter is laced with anthrax. But thanks for the scare tactic, Mr. Brewer (and subsequently Ann M. Martin.)And second we have to give it to Karen for her unflagging self importance:

One thing surprised me. None of the messages mentioned me specifically.

Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?

EvilEva reviews...... Baby-Sitters: Little Sister #107: Karen's Copycat by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1999.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Karen looks especially douche-y on this cover. She's got her lower lip poked out, pouting like a baby over some flacid penis.
*Meanwhile the chick next to Karen, well her penis has a total hard on.
*Bitch, it is 1999. You are on the cusp of the new millennium, what is with the fucking side-ponytail?
*The tagline reads:

Karen knows it's wrong but...

...she really wants Patrick Swayze's ghost to help her not suck at pottery.

Lets Review:
Karen and Andrew have a new nanny! Her name is Merry and she is gigundoly awesome! Merry is also a potter and since she has no other choice, she lets Karen and Andrew join her class. Karen assumes that she's gonna be the best damn potter that ever lived cos she's that delusional. But when she starts class she soon realizes that pottery is harder than she thought. Even worse, there's a girl named Isabel who is the dopest potter in the land.
Well this simply cannot be. Someone is better than Karen at something? Preposterous!
So Karen decides to steal one of Isabel's exquisitely coiled vases and claim it as her own. But Karen starts developing stealers remorse (which is like buyers remorse but for thieves.)
So Karen thinks about confessing until she learns that Isabel is absent the day they decorate the pottery. So Karen will make the vase unrecognizable to Isabel by adding triangles and squiggly lines. Karen thinks she's the criminal mastermind of the pottery world. But slow your roll Karen cos at the next class Isabel it back! And she totes notices that the vase is hers even through Karen's subpar squiggles. 
Well Isabel won't stand for this big steaming pile of bullshit. She totally calls Karen out in front of the whole class! Karen thinks there's no way Isabel can prove that Karen's a big fat lying liar that lies (and steals!) But Isabel can prove it cos she's a lefty which means she coils counterclockwise as opposed to all the righties in class that coil clockwise. So suck on that, Karen! 
Merry looks over "Karen's vase" and discovers counterclockwise coils. She is disappointed that she's the nanny of a liar and a thief. Karen gets in trouble for being such a horrible human being. Merry makes her push the chairs in after class and apologize to Isabel for totes ripping off her work. Which is getting off pretty easy if you ask me. Merry even tells Karen that she doesn't have to tell her parents specifically why she's in trouble, just that she got in trouble in class. So Karen feels all contrite and shit so she's then rewarded with a special pottery class just for her and her friends. And they even get to use the pottery wheel which Isabel never got to use! 
Look I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't fuck with Karen Brewer. Somehow she always gets her way. Even if she has to be a complete menace to do it. 
In fact, I'm really sticking my neck out here for you guys, making fun of Karen like this. 
If my posts suddenly stop--- y'all know who will be responsible. :)

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Karen, for her reasoning on why certain rules don't apply to her:

Perhaps complaining about copying was not the smartest thing to do. After all, I had been copying Isabel. But that was different somehow. (I was not sure exactly how, but it did feel different to me.)

You're not exactly sure how it's different because it's NOT different, you hypocritical wad! Instead of Karen's Copycat, this book should have been called Karen's A Stupid Bitch That Thinks Copying Is Only OK When She Does It. Although I guess that's kinda long for a book title.

You're in luck (and so am I) cos we're done with Karen for awhile.
Coming in October: more R.L. Stine Fear Street nostalgic goodness!