Sunday, October 30, 2011

Supernatural Shakedown: Season 7 Episode 5 OR Marriage Is A Real Witch

It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!

Episode #5: Shut Up, Dr. Phil.
Previously on Supernatural...
Dean is still guilty about killing Amy the Kitsune. He also still hasn't let Sam in on the fact that he killed her. Sam still has Lucifer riding shotgun in his noggin but he's managing it. The leviathan are still running wild. And Cass is still dead. Maybe. If that's what you choose to believe. Which i don't. 

Snazzy Hair Salon! Some chippy is getting her hair did. She's under a giant ass hair dryer. This isn't gonna end well. Especially when the hair stylist guy's last words are "Holler if you need anything." Some fancy doors close behind him so chippy can dry her hair and read her magazine in peace.
Chippy gets hot and bothered but can't get the dryer off her head. Can't she just slide off the chair? Nope, she can't. She tries to but something stops her. She "hollers" for Chris The Male Hair Stylist but he ain't coming. So girlfriend gets sizzled the fuck up.
Finally Chris enters the room. He slips the dryer off and her hair (as well as her head) are totally fried. Worst salon EVER!
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!

Motel! Dean's asleep and dreaming of some heavy shit. He wakes up guilty panting and sees that Sam isn't in his bed. Dean gets up to research and drink.
Sam comes back from running. Sexily. And Dean makes a funny. Then he tells Sam about two people from Prosperity Indiana that died in fucked up ways. One was the chippy that got fired at the salon. The other was a man that boiled in a hot tub. The boys agree that it's worth checking out. Sam asks Dean what's going on with him. Dean evades the question so Sam drops it.
Parking lot somewhere! It's that Stalker Leviathan. He's talking on his cell to his boss. He's catching up to the Winchesters.
Impala! Sam and Dean are in Prosperity. Sam, in his Suit of Sexiness, interrogates salon chippy's (whose name is actually Wendy) sister. He asks her if Wendy had any enemies. The sister tells Sam how great Wendy was. He asks if Wendy knew the guy that got boiled in the hot tub. But Wendy's sister never heard the name so she doesn't think her sister knew him. She tells Sam if someone did this to her sister and it wasn't just a freak accident, she wants him to find out who.
Salon! Dean questions Chris The Useless Hair Stylist. Chris The Useless Hair Stylist tells Dean that the accident really couldn't have happened because the dryer only goes up to a certain temperature and would have blown a fuse. Dean investigates the hair dryer and finds a coin.
Sam and Dean are walking down different streets whilst taking on the phone to each other. They catch up with their various findings. We might be dealing with a hex talisman. Dean makes a funny then heads into a liquor store.
Job site! A guy goes into a PortAPotty. A nail gun in his truck fires up ON ITS OWN and hangs IN MIDAIR in front of the PortAPotty door! The guy opens the door thinking someone is playing a joke on him and sees the nail gun. Nails start firing. The guy gets nailed to the wall! The gun fires off two more nails straight through his eyes!
Time for commercials.

Job site! The bros are in their Suits of Sexiness. They're investigating this new scene. Dean questions the sheriff. The dead guy was yet another seemingly awesome person with no enemies. Dean searches the PortAPotty and finds another coin. He goes to the trailer where Sam is investigating the vic's computer. Sam found a connection between the three victims. They were all working on a shopping center project together. But the project was dropped. All the peeps working on this project have died except the developer, Don Stark. Dean knows this name somehow.
The boys are now at a bust of a one Mr. Don Stark in the center of town. Don Stark could be next. Dean whips out his flask for a quick swig. Sam reprimands him.
Sam's phone beeps. It's Bobby with info on the coins. They're Romanian.
Sam notices dead grass beside the bust. Dean noticed some by a bus bench with the Fried Wendy's pic on it.
Cut to Stalker Leviathan, rolling down the road, listening to sad music. He's headed for the Winchesters.
Don Stark's home/office! Hey it's Spike from Buffy! The boys question him about the victims. He only knew them through business.
Spike's assistant enters. She's taking out his dry cleaning and they flirt about cupcakes. The boys look at Spike as if his cupcake flirting with his young, pretty assistant is very suspect. Sam pretends he needs to tinkle so that he can investigate without Spike around. Dean continues questioning Spike while Sam heads upstairs. Spike admits that he's got enemies. Business rivals and such.
Meanwhile Sam finds a bedroom upstairs and checks it out. He finds a closet. One side is full of mens clothes. The other side is empty save for a broken heel, a witchy looking necklace and a shoebox filled with weird stuff including paper with odd symbols on them.
Back to Dean. Spike's showing off his plaques and talking about how everyone respects and admires him. Sam reenters and asks if that list of admirers includes his wife. Then Sam tells a little lie about how they heard Spike and his wife were splitting up. Spike's wife, btw, is Cordelia also from Buffy! Anyhoo, Spike admits that he and his wife are going through a tough time but hopes that it's only temporary. Sam asks for specifics about the separation but Spike is vague with his answers. Dean thinks Spike might be cheating with his assistant. Spike chuckles at this and says he's a people person. Then he admits to having "a thing" recently with a business associate. Dean asks if Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried-Headed Chippy was said "business associate." Spike admits that she was but that whatever they had going was done with long before her accident.
Sam and Dean tell Spike that he needs to be careful, implying that his wife might be vengefully cray cray.
The boys exit. There are more dead plants around Spike's home/office.
Sam tells Dean about all the witchy goodness that he found in Cordelia's closet. The boys decide that Cordy is a witch and Spike knows nothing about it. Dean makes a Bewitched reference. Sam notices the dead plants. They think Cordelia must be really powerful. So Dean calls Bobby for info on how to get rid of her. Dean and Sam leave and drive to Cordelia's new place.
Sam's faking car trouble in front of Cordy's house while Dean breaks in. Dean snoops and finds a Closet Of Hex with pics of the vics all marked with blood. There's a pic of Jenny the assistant that hasn't been bloodied yet.
Outside Cordy's house! Sam sees Cordelia driving up and calls Dean to warn him but the operator says all circuits are busy so Sam tries to stall Cordelia. He flashes his badge and asks if he can talk to her. She says yes but she's got something important to do right now so come back in half an hour. Sam tries harder to stall but Cordelia won't be deterred. She goes to her house. Sam sets off her car alarm in order to warn Dean. Dean hears it, takes the pic of Jenny and doesn't close the closet back all the way. D'oh!
Cordelia turns off her car alarm and Sam blames it on restless leg syndrome. Dean runs downstairs to hide. Cordelia enters. Dean exits and meets back up with Sam. He tells Sam about the photos of the victims and that Jenny The Assistant is next. He stole Jenny The Assistant's pic but eventually Cordy's gonna notice it's missing so they've got to book it to Jenny The Assistant's house, find the coin and destroy it before Jenny The Assistant bits the big one.
Cordelia is in her bedroom and sees the closet's cracked open and her Jenny pic has been taken.
Cupcakes! Or Jenny's house! Where she's making delicious cupcakes with pink frosting and multicolored sprinkles! Da-zam, Jenny is a cupcake-making machine!
Back to Cordelia's! She's got a spare picture of Jenny. She smears some blood on it and starts chanting. Cordy, NEVER kill someone that makes excellent cupcakes!
Meanwhile, Jenny enjoys the fruits of her labor. She bites into a cupcake and blood and icing drip on her mouth. Jenny is oblivious to the blood cos i guess her cupcakes are that fucking delicious. But then Jenny finally does notice that there's blood dripping down her arm from her cupcake which has a tiny beating heart in the center. Ewwwww! Jenny starts choking and puking up blood.
Dean and Sam bust into her apartment. Sam tries to find the coin while Dean tends to Jenny. Sam finds the coin on the top of Jenny's cabinets and shoots it with his gun. Jenny abruptly stops choking.
Now time for more commercials.
Ugh! i hate that commercial for Taylor Swift's perfume. Her "golly gee willikers" face gets on my nerves. It's like, you've been to every fucking country in the world what could you possibly be so "wonderstruck" about in this stupid commercial?

Jenny's freaking out about her disgusting cupcakes. Sam and Dean explain that she was hexed. They tell her she's got someone very powerful and very pissed off at her. And so she might wanna cool the sexy business with Spike. Jenny is confused cos she's got no sexy business with Spike. She even adds an "ew" for good measure.
Ugly paintings! Cordelia's holding an art auction and is getting the place ready for the event. Cordy's bff, Sue comes up and acts kinda like she's secretly in love with Cordelia. She evidently told Cordy about Spike and Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy's affair.
Spike enters. He confronts Sue for being a nosy bitch. Cordelia walks up. Spike wants to talk to her. Spike apparently knows that Cordelia was involved with Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy's death. Then they fight about who's fault it is that their marriage is over. Spike tells her that two FBI agents came by asking questions. She informs him that they're actually hunters and she'll take care of it. Spike tells Cordelia to stop. But Cordelia isn't going to. Spike walks outside. There's a rumbling noise. Spike's bust face breaks off.
The boys drive up in the Impala. Spike is peeved about the bust. Cordelia ain't playing, y'all.
Bobby calls with info on how to stop Cordelia. Apparently we're gonna need something weird and/or gross.
Art auction! Cordy's practicing her speech.
Motel! Dean eats pie. Sam comes in and lays down a bag of chicken feet on the table. And they are rank because whoever Sam bought them from, their power was out. He says there's blackouts and burst pipes all over. So Cordelia is pissed beyond just killing grass now.
Art auction! Spike drives up outside.
Cordelia gives her friend Sue a drink. Instead of two olives, there's an olive and an eyeball. Sue screams and drops her drink.
Outside, Spike smirks.
Back to Cordy. All the paintings start melting. Cordy is super pissed. Sue is super confused because Cordelia told her that it's Spike's fault that the paintings are being ruined. So Sue starts bad mouthing Spike. Suddenly a serving tray flies through the air and cuts her head off.
Spike continues smirking then drives away.
Cordelia declares war.
Impala! There are police and ambulances at the art auction. Sam and Dean go in to investigate. They don't think Cordelia would trash her own party. Obviously it was someone that hates her. The boys now believe that Spike is a witch too.
They leave.
Stalker Leviathan is stalking them in a car across the street.
Even more commercials.

Impala! The bros are waiting for Cordelia to show up at Spike's house. And here she is! Pissed as ever.
She storms into Spike's house.
Sam and Dean are right behind her with their chicken feet concoction. Dean starts with the Latin chanting. Sam lights the concoction on fire.
And it does......
Spike and Cordelia start their own chanting. Sam says time for plan B. If you can't kill them, counsel them.
Dean stops Spike and Cordy's chanting to tell them that obviously they could've gotten rid of each other long ago but they didn't which has got to mean that there's still something there, right? Dean starts getting a little pervy though so Sam takes over.
Cordelia says that she can't get over the fact that Spike cheated on her and thus thoroughly humiliated her.
Sam tells her that usually when a relationship falls apart, both parties have a hand in it. Spike agrees with this. Cordelia's pissed that Sam is defending Spike so she magically drops him to the floor.
Dean tries to smooth things over by saying nobody can defend Spike. Spike thinks Dean's sucking up to Cordelia. He magically punches Dean through a door.
Sam tries his hand at smoothing things over again but Cordelia magically pushes him down. Cordelia and Spike argue over the affair with Wendy The Real Estate Agent/Fried Chippy, which makes them bring up their 800 years of bad marriage behavior.
Cordelia starts in on Jenny but Dean tells her that actually there was nothing going on with Jenny. Cordelia throws him down again.
Spike apologizes to Cordy.
Sam tells them that this is a good thing, talking to each other. Dean gets smart assy. Cordelia pushes him against a wall. And Spike sics a swarm of bees on him.
Spike and Cordy have a touching moment where they both admit they could never kill each other. They start smooching.
Dean would really like them to call off the bees.
Commercials again.

Motel! Dean swigs from his flask. There may be an argument a-brewing about Dean's drinking but before we can get to that out steps Stalker Leviathan!
Stalker Leviathan tells the boys that he plans on killing them. Dean shoots at Stalker Leviathan but the bullet just falls to the ground.
Stalker Leviathan knocks the gun from Dean's hand and tosses his ass across the room. Sam tries to punch Stalker Leviathan but Stalker Leviathan grabs Sam's throat. Suddenly Stalker Leviathan gets all electrified-looking and falls to the ground. Spike walks in. He cast some kind of spell on Stalker Leviathan.
He tells them they need to drop the body in a bottomless pit somewhere cos this spell will only last a few days. Then he retrieves a coin from under the mattress. Oh those shifty witches.
Spike is awesome and then leaves.
The bros put Stalker Leviathan (now all chained up) in the back of the Impala.
Dean calls Bobby to tell him to get prepared for the Stalker Leviathan they're bringing his way.
Sam wants Dean to open like Spike and Cordelia did. He wants to know whatever it is that Dean isn't telling him. *cough* He killed Amy. *cough*
Sam tells Dean he can unload on him. But Dean, being stubborn as a mother, doesn't.
They get in the Impala and drive off.

Next time on Supernatural...
Supernatural: now with more pulp!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Supernatural Shakedown: Season 7 Episode 4 OR The Guilty People's Court

It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!

Episode #3: Defending Your Life.
Previously on Supernatural...
The leviathan are still kicking and seemingly indestructible. Bobby's alive!!! Sam still hears the pitter-patter of Lucifer's lil feet (and voice.) Dean went behind Sam's back and killed his kitsune friend and has been keeping it a secret. Now Dean feels really guilty about it.

A guy is running through the streets of Dearborn, Michigan. A car's chasing him. Not sure if someone is in the car chasing this guy down or if we've got ourselves a Christine-like sitch here. The guy turns down an alley and loses the car. Except no he doesn't cos now the car is at the opposite end of the alley and it's headed straight for him! The guy hauls it back to the streets. The car continues to chase him. The guy heads into a building. Climb the stairs! Everyone knows cars can't climb stairs! The guy runs up the stairs and into an apartment where he locks the door behind him. i guess he feels safe in the fact that cars are not known as stair-climbers. But then he gets sub zero temperature breath! An engine revs! The car is in his fucking living room! It roars towards him and squashes him into the wall.
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!

Sam and Dean drive up to the apartment building where that guy was run over in the privacy of his own home. They arrive rocking Suits of Sexiness!
Lucifer calls to Sam. Sam mashes his hand where he cut it in episodes past.
Dean finds it wonky working a non-leviathan case but this case sounds cray cray so the boys had to check it out.
Sam tells Dean btw thanks for letting Amy go. Dean looks guilty. He should. He totally killed Becca from Flash Forward.  Now who's Tucker gonna marry?! (i don't know about y'all but in my mind those two always totally ended up together!)
Crime scene! One of the detectives tells the guys that the vic appears to have been crushed to death. He says that if they weren't on the tenth floor he'd guess the guy was crushed by a car.
Sam pulls out an EMF reader and it goes crazy. Dean makes a funny. Sam notices some kind of clay-type dirt on the floor. Sam suggests something Christine-like, which is why Sam and i are perfect for each other cos i just said the same thing! Dean is dubious because of the stairs factor. He thinks it's something spectral. He goes through some of the victim's belongings and finds a 10 years sober AA chip. Then he makes another funny. Sam finds some credit card statements and finds monthly charges made to a place called Jane's. (Btw, the victim's name is Matt.)
Sam's going to the AA meeting while Dean heads to Jane's.
AA! Sam asks a woman that i guess runs the meeting about Matt. She said he seemed bothered the last time she saw him. Also that he almost went back to drinking just before he died. He called her from a tavern so she went over and talked him out of it. But she doesn't know what could've triggered this shizz.
Jane's! Which is a flower shop. Dean asks about Matt. The flower shop girl says that Matt payed her 3 years advance to keep up his flower sending to an Elizabeth Duren. Dean asks for Elizabeth's address.
Cemetery! This is Elizabeth's address. She died when she was only 10 years old. The boys decide to go back to the motel to research this strangeness.
Motel! Sam sexily researches Elizabeth and finds out she was killed 10 years ago when her neighbor accidentally backed over her in a driveway. Matt was the neighbor but was never charged with anything since it was an accident. Dean ponders if Matt was drunk when he ran over Elizabeth. Whilst drinking a beer his damn self.
Sam says they need to burn Elizabeth's bones and put her spirit to rest.
Cemetery! The boys dig up Elizabeth's grave and salt and burn her bones.
The streets! There's a dog running after some other guy. The guy runs to a diner. Open the door! Everyone knows dogs can't open doors! The guy opens the door, slams it shut and locks it. Then he runs to the bathroom like a complete and utter loon. The other diner patrons look at him as if they are truly shocked that this weirdo thinks this dog can open a door with no opposable thumbs. In the bathroom, the guy calls 911. He hears panting, turns and sees the evil dog! In the bathroom with him! Even though there should be TWO locked doors between them!
The dog attacks. Blood splatters on the mirror. The lady at the 911 call center is still talking like a nitwit.
Then there's a close up of the phone. It's at this point that i think it would be really funny if the dog's paw comes down on the end key. But it doesn't. Instead we get...

Motel! Sam reads an article in the paper about the guy that got attacked by the dog. The paper also says that 5 years ago the guy was busted for running a dog fighting business. Dean thinks the guys sounds pretty dicky and maybe got what he deserved. But Sam tells him that even after his probation he worked at an animal shelter and raised money for the cause.
Dean looks all weary. i guess his kitsune killing is wearing him down. Sam wants to go to the coroner's office to check out the body.
Outside the coroner's office! More Suits of Sexiness! Sam tells Dean that the guy had red dirt under his nails and on his shoes. So there's a connection. Where's this place with all this red dirt? An apple farm. Lets go there!
Impala! The boys are on their way to the apple farm. Suddenly a guy runs out in front of them! Dean slams on the brakes. The boys offer the guy a ride which he accepts.
Motel! The guy's name is Warren. Sam asks him what his deal is. Warren tells the bros that he was just put on trial and sentenced to death. Dean asks what he did. Warren tells them he held up a liquor store and killed the owner and his wife. Dean asks when this happened. Warren says it happened in 1981. Dean and Sam are all "whaaaaa?!?!" Warren explains he just got our of prison after serving 30 years. He was in a bar when suddenly he got jumped. He woke up in a courtroom. But it wasn't a regular courtroom. There was a judge but he was in a barn. It was at the apple farm!
Sam asks the name of the bar where Warren was jumped. It's the same bar where Matt was before his unfortunate accident. Warren tells the boys there were some weird symbols in the barn. Sam asks him to draw them.
Dean pulls Sam outside and tells him that so far the victims have kinda gotten what they deserve and it's hard for him not to root for the ghosts on this one. Sam wants Dean to stop being so judgy. But Dean says that everyone is judgy.
Sam tells Dean he's gonna go check out the barn. Dean says he's gonna check out the bar. Sam asks if he's going to work or drink. Dean hasn't decided yet. Dean exits. Sam returns upstairs to Warren. He tries to convince Warren to come with him to the barn but Warren's all hell nah! He says the people he killed are out there.
Sam puts Warren in a Salt Circle of Protection, throws him the TV remote and tells him to stay put. Sam exits and calls Bobby about the symbols.
Bar! Dean gets his drank on and flirts/interrogates the hot blond bartender or Mia as is her actual name. Mia asks Dean if it's his work or love life that's making him so drinky. Dean tells her it's work then vaguely talks how he feels guilty for the kitsune/Sam bidness.
There's some shifty guy in a baseball hat sitting next to Dean. i think he's eavesdropping.
Dean asks for another shot. Mia tells him he needs to slow his roll. Then she tells him she'll be off in an hour. Seems Mia would like to enjoy some sexytimes with Dean. So Dean switches to beer.
Barn! Sam checks the place out. He finds red dirt but not much else. Bobby calls. He tells Sam the symbols are Egyptian and they identify the God Osiris. Bobby says that the lore says he can see directly into the human soul. He weighs the guilt and if he finds more than a feather's worth, you're done son. Sam asks why Osiris would be in Dearborn. Bobby says that he seems to pop up, get his Judge Judy on and then disappears. Bobby tells Sam that they need to haul ass outta there cos this dude hones in on people that feel guilty. Also known as Dean.
Outside the bar! Dean pep talks himself for the sexytimes in his near future. His cellphone rings. Dean goes to answer it but he's grabbed from behind!
More commercials.

Barn! Sam's leaving a voicemail message for Dean, hoping he's not tee totes loaded. Sam's cell rings. He thinks it's Dean but it's Mia calling from Dean's phone. She tells Sam she found the phone on the ground and Dean was supposed to meet her 10 minutes ago. Sam heads over to meet with her.
Motel! Warren's inside his Salt Circle of Protection. The TV goes out and the lights start to flicker. Warren stupidly leaves his circle, smearing the salt in the process and rendering it useless now. Warren runs out of the room and down the hallway. He runs into the ghosts of those people he killed. The guy ghost shoots Warren,
Outside the bar! Mia gives Sam Dean's phone. She shows Sam where she found it. Red dirt!
Barn! Sam walks in, gun in hand.
There's a fancy Egyptian throne and some statues.
Dean is chained to a chair.
Now the guy from the bar sans the hat is sitting on the throne. It's Osiris. He calls Sam and tells him to stop skulking around and show himself. Sam knows what's going on. So he tells Osiris that he should be the one on trial, not Dean. Osiris says that's for him to decide. He tells Sam to beat it. But Sam wants to be Dean's attorney. Osiris will allow it.
Dean's trial is underway. Osiris will call 3 witnesses. Sam objects but is denied. Dean looks a little green as if he just knows Amy will be one of those witnesses. *gulp*
Osiris tells Sam to quit objecting or he'll kill him. Then he calls Jo Harvelle to the stand.
Jo's ghost materializes. Osiris asks Jo her relationship to Dean. She says they worked together.
Working together montage!
Osiris asks if Jo admired Dean. She says yes, as a hunter. Osiris is baiting Jo to make her admit that it's Dean's fault she's dead.
Jo and Dean's first case together montage!
Osiris continues baiting Jo which pisses Dean off and thus makes him get mouthy towards Osiris. O tells Dean he better check himself before he wrecks himself and threatens to cut out his tongue.
Now it's Sam's turn to question Jo. He asks her about her dad whom we all know was a hunter too. Sam asks Jo if she got into the biz to impress Dean or to follow in her father's footsteps. Jo agrees with the latter. She tries to talk to Dean but Osiris swishes his hand and she flickers away.
O gives Sam and Dean a minute to get their shit together. Sam asks Dean who the next witness is. Dean doesn't know.
Osiris calls Sam to the stand. O asks Sam if he was happy out of the family business. If he was ok with losing Jess and school and all the opportunities of being normal when Dean decided to drag him back in to the hunting racket.
First episode Sam and Jess montage!
Sam says, much like Denise Richards, it's complicated. But he says that it's not Dean's fault that Jess died. O agrees that it wasn't directly his fault. Dean looks really guilty. And kinda pukey.
Dean killing, punching and fucking up people's lives montage!
Osiris asks Sam if he thinks Dean pulled him back into the hunter's life cos he'd rather damn Sam with him than go it alone. Sam thinks not.
Osiris tells Sam that he doesn't decide Dean's guilt. He just weighs the guilt that's already there. This is all about how Dean feels. So basically all Dean has to do is find himself not guilty and this shizz goes away. But O doesn't think Dean can do that. 
Sam wants to call Dean to the stand. O will allow it. He breaks Dean's chains. Sam questions Dean. 
He tries to help Dean not feel guilty by explaining to him why he shouldn't feel guilty about Sam or Jess or Jo. 
Because Dean says he doesn't feel guilty and because O enjoyed Sam's courtroom theatrics, he's gonna ask Dean if he would like to see who the final witness is. 
Which we all know will be Amy even before they start playing her death montage.
Dean can't pretend he doesn't feel guilty about that one. Sam wants to call the final witness but Dean doesn't see that it matters. It's not going to change anything. 
So Osiris finds Dean guilty and sentences him to death. 
Even more commercials.

Motel! Warren's dead body is being pushed out on a gurney. 
Enter Sam and Dean. Sam thinks there's still time to figure something out. 
Research montage!
Bobby calls with some news of how to get rid of Osiris. But it's only temporary. Long time temporary, but better than nothing. Bobby tells them they need to stab O with a ram's horn. Sam wonders where the hell he's gonna find a ram's horn in Dearborn. Bobby has no ideas but tells Sam it better be a sharp one.
Sam researches ram's horn locations. He finds out that Jewish people blow through them once a year. Dean wants to know where Sam's gonna find one this late at night. Sam suggests stealing one from a synagogue.
Dean worries that O is gonna sic Jo on him and that he's gonna have to kill her all over again. Sam tells him he didn't kill her to begin with. 
Sam leaves on ram's horn recon.
Dean makes a Salt Circle of Protection. And heeeeere's Jo.
Synagogue! Sam finds a ram's horn but gets busted by a Rabbi. Uh oh!
Bar! O's drinking and new victim hunting.
Motel! Jo tells Dean she'd never do this. Osiris is making her. She tells Dean he doesn't deserve this. He tells her she didn't deserve to die.
Impala! Sam races to kill Osiris.
Motel! Dean pours his heart out to Jo. They have a heart to heart. Jo tells Dean he carries a lot of crap that he doesn't have to. She goes over to the stove and turns the burners on.
Bar! O's still searching for new guilty prey.
Motel! It's getting ghosty up in this bitch. Salt Circle of Protection blows away. Jo's next to Dean. She tells him she doesn't want to do this. Dean says it's ok.
Street! Osiris' prey is walking to her car. O grabs her.
Motel! Jo takes Dean's lighter from his pocket.
Street! Sam ganks O with the ram's horn. O turns to ash. 
Motel! Jo drops the lighter and flickers away.
Commercials yet again.

Lakeside! Sam and Dean share a beer on the side of the road. Sam asks if Jo seemed like she was in pain. Dean says she was regular Jo, maybe even a little happier. 
Dean gives Sam props on his lawyer act. Sam asks who the final witness was. Dean says he has no idea. It could have been anybody.
Dean wonders why Osiris skipped Sam. Sam tells Dean probably because he doesn't feel guilty anymore. He's spent a lot of time feeling shitty. Hell is what helped him with his guilt. He did bad things and feels like he paid his dues in hell. He feels like his past is his past. 
Dean says he doesn't know whether to feel jealous or weirded out. Sam tells Dean that it may sound lame but he feels kinda good. Dean makes a funny.

Next time on Supernatural...
It's a Mini Buffy Reunion! 
Cordelia and Spike are having marital probs, y'all!

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 10 Part 2 Reviews

Readers beware you're in for a scare. Again! Welcome to Part 2 of October's Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge! You know what that means. Time for more R.L. Stine cra-za-zee-ness! So lets get started.

EvilEva reviews...... Halloween Night by R.L. Stine. 

Circa: 1993.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*There's an evil jack-o-lantern with a knife stabbed through it and the pumpkin is bleeding. Although for having a debilitating knife wound the pumpkin looks surprisingly upbeat.
*The tagline reads:
Trick or treat... the trick is not to die...
Then what's the treat? Is it the not dying? Or maybe Smarties? Cos I kinda fucking love Smarties!

Lets Review:
Brenda HATES her stupid cousin Halley. Halley's stupid parents are getting a stupid divorce which means that stupid Halley has to stay with Brenda's family while her parents duke it out in the courtroom for custody. Brenda's parents give Halley Brenda's room and banish poor Brenda to the room with the air vent in the floor that makes private conversations impossible. See, when you're in the hallway below Brenda's room, you can hear everything that's being said in Brenda's room. Remember that dastardly air vent cos it'll be important later on.
Brenda's hatred for Halley grows when Halley totally makes out with Brenda's boyfriend's face, in Brenda's car, in Brenda's driveway, right in front of Brenda's window.
Brenda could just KILL Halley. Well, coinky-dinkily enough Brenda's teacher has assigned her and her friends, Traci and Dina, to plot a murder. Like ya do in school. I remember the time my teacher asked me to plot out a murder, don't y'all?
So Brenda thinks it's an excellent idea for them to murder Halley for reals.
Not sure if that'll get them extra credit.
Anyway, Traci thinks murder is, of course, the answer cos that slut bucket Halley was flirting it up with Traci's boyfriend too. Dina isn't completely sold on the idea. As a child of divorce herself, Dina feels bad for Halley and knows what she's going through. Dina thinks just because Halley's a slut it doesn't necessarily mean that she deserves to be stabbed to death whilst in the gorilla suit.
Oh, did I not explain that Brenda's throwing a Halloween party and Halley's going to be wearing a gorilla costume (as all hot girls do) and the girls have concocted this complex as well as idiotic plan to stab her in her gorilla guts and no one will even know she's dead until a puddle of blood starts seeping through the costume onto the floor and it'll take so long for that to happen that no one will even know who did it and the girls will get away with murder?
No? Ok, well they totes concocted that shizz. Anyhoo, then all these horrible pranks are played on Brenda. Like someone writes an ominous message in blood on her wall. And a bird minus it's head is left inside a carved pumpkin in Brenda's room. And raw meat complete with maggots is placed under Brenda's sheets. Of course Brenda thinks Halley's behind all this shizz. So the plan to kill Halley's ass is so on like Donkey Kong now.
Until Halley hears the absurd murder plot. You remember that air vent I told you about? The one that makes it impossible to discuss revenge in private? Well the girls talk about the plan and conveniently enough, Halley's in the hallway below Brenda's room at the time and hears the whole thing. And she confronts Brenda. They talk it out and have a real touching moment. Until Brenda decides that she still has to go through with it.
So it's Halloween night. Party time! And the plan, unbeknownst to Halley, is still gonna go down. Dina has bowed out but Traci is still a go. Then there's costume switching for some stupid reason. And then the gorilla is stabbed and a puddle forms on the floor and the gorilla head is taken off and it's..... Brenda! 
I know, WHAT?!?!
So here's the deal, this whole murder was a set up. Brenda realized that it wasn't Halley committing the mean pranks, it was Dina with help from her job at the vet's office. See, Dina wanted to kill Brenda cos she was such an insensitive, uncaring bitch that vanished when Dina's parents were getting a divorce and fighting over her. Instead of being a friend and being there for Dina, Brenda just left her ass hanging and became friends with her again after her parents divorce hoopla was sorted out. So Brenda created this elaborate, stupid ruse to draw Dina out or some shit. 
She sewed extra padding into the gorilla suit so when Dina went to stab her all she got was stuffing. And the puddle of blood was fake, bought from a party store. Maybe just call the police on the homicidal maniac next time. 
Anyhoots, so Brenda and Halley became friends. And Brenda learns to be compassionate when someone's going through a divorce. And Dina "gets the help she needs." Which I'm assuming doesn't go all that well considering there's a Halloween Night 2. 

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Brenda's mom, for kinda being a bitch to Brenda after she accuses Halley of putting a dead bird in her pumpkin (And I don't mean that sexually. If that could even be interpreted as sexual.):
"Brenda, I expected so much more of you," her mother said through clenched teeth. "Halley is going through such a tough time. I can't believe your attitude toward her. It's sick, Brenda. It's really sick."
No, you know what's sick? Leaving a dead bird inside someone's bedroom in a pumpkin with a lit candle. That's sick. Can you imagine how shitious that smells? Halley's just dealing with her parents divorce. Brenda is dealing with rotten dead bird stink in the place in which she rests her head. Febreze doesn't even make a scent that would cover that shit up.

EvilEva reviews...... College Weekend by R.L. Stine.
Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
* Tina looks like a frightened white woman waiting for a bus in Compton. Relax, lady. Given the outfit you are currently wearing, I don't think mugging you would be on anyone's to do list.
*Ooh, look, y'all! It's a menacing figure in the background. There's something very Reverend Camden from 7th Heaven about him.

Lets Review:
Tina can't wait to spend the weekend with her boyfriend at his college. But her buzzkill parents send her cousin Holly along with her to squash any sexytimes between Tina and her bf, Josh.
When Tina and Holly arrive at the train station, Josh is nowhere to be found. Tina is concerned and almost accosted until Josh's roommate, Chris, shows up, saving the day. He explains that Josh went on some geology nerd hike with his friend Steve and they had car trouble. They won't be back for awhile so lets party!
The girls meet Steve's girlfriend, Carla, who kinda tries to set Tina up with Chris as if she doesn't understand the reason Tina is here this weekend is to see her actual boyfriend, Josh. So Tina definitely finds that odd. But then Carla explains that Chris' girlfriend died in a horrible boat accident. Which is terrible but it doesn't make Tina single.
Anyhoo, so Chris convinces the girls to go to a party to pass the time. and then he totally kisses Tina! And she kinda likes it! And then Carla catches them! And then Tina feels guilty and starts remembering to miss Josh again! And then Holly goes missing! But Carla tells Tina that Holly went with a former Shadyside student named Alyssa to check out the drama department. So Chris takes Tina back to the dorms to wait on Josh and now Holly. But Holly's still missing in the morning. Chris assures Tina that the drama kids are weird and sometimes sleep in the drama department. So they go to the dressing rooms to find Holly but she's not there. So they go to the school carnival. Cos when your cousin's missing at a time when cellphones aren't popular yet, you just assume the best and go have fun at a carnival in the meantime.
So that's just what Tina does. Meanwhile, Carla decides to go to the mountain and pick up the boys.
Tina has a grand ole time with Chris on the Ferris wheel. Until he starts losing his fucking mind and starts rocking the car and insisting that she's a tease. Finally the godforsaken ride ends and when on solid ground Chris is apologetic and normal again. Tina's kinda scared of Chris but then she thinks of his dead girlfriend and how he's probably a little fucked up about it so she forgives him for nearly killing her.
When Chris suggests that he can take Tina to his photography studio so she can get her model on to kill time until Carla's back with the boys, Tina agrees to go with him. Because she's a fucking idiot.
When they get to the studio, surprise surprise, things start getting weird. Chris forbids Tina from going in one of the rooms. He has a bunch of women's clothes, all in only one size. And when he starts photographing Tina he gets super intense and calls her Judy.
Yeah, turns out Chris is off his fucking rocker. Judy is the name of his dead girlfriend. And all the clothes that Tina has been trying on all belonged to Judy. So she's been wearing dead girl clothes! Ick! But that's not the worst part. The worst part is that Judy didn't just die. She was murdered! By Chris! And now he wants to kill Tina too!
So Tina is chased into the darkroom where Chris locks her in. And she discovers that Judy isn't the only one Chris killed. He killed Josh too! With photo chemicals! And then shoved him in a cabinet! And lied to Tina about Josh's whereabouts! Because he's fucking crazy!
Since Tina's being a bad Judy, Chris has to punish her. So he lets her out of the darkroom and Tina actually does something worth a shit. She hits Chris upside the head with a tripod, knocking him out.
Tina starts to haul ass outta there but hears a noise coming from the room she was forbade from entering. She opens the door and discovers that Chris had Holly tied up in there! So Tina unties Holly and they try to get outta the studio. But everyone knows you can't keep a good psycho down, so of course Chris regains consciousness and goes after them with a pair of scissors!
Then Carla and Steve show up and it seems like Tina and Holly are saved! But they're not. Cos it seems like Carla and Steve are actually working with Chris! But they're not. They were just going along with his crazy shizznat so that Carla could get the scissors away from him so Steve could tackle him to the ground.
Chris told Carla that Josh was seeing another girl so that's why she was trying to push Chris and Tina together cos she thought Josh was a cheating wad and Tina deserved better. Which, when you think about it, it's really none of Carla's bidness if Josh was cheating or not. And it's not her place to try to set up this girl she just met with some maniac that killed his ex just because she thinks the girl is being cheated on. 
Anyhoo, Carla talked to Steve who set her straight about how Josh wasn't in fact cheating and really loved Tina and was excited for their weekend together and that's why he bowed out of the camping trip. Well thanks for that depressing update, Carla. As well as, mind your own fucking business from now on!
Anyhoozies, when Carla called Steve they quickly realized that Chris was suffering from Judy depression so they booked it over to the studio to save Tina and Holly. And Tina is totes grateful. Even though it's kinda Carla's fault to begin with for being a total Elizabeth Wakefield-sized meddler.
So, in short, during this totally amazing weekend Tina lost her boyfriend, her ambitions to become a model and the desire to set foot on this campus again. Which is a bummer cos I'm pretty sure it was her top choice. What a downer.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Tina, for being surprised that her boyfriend neglected to mention how hot his roommate is:

Josh had told her that Chris had tons of money. But Josh had never told her how handsome Chris was.
I'd really like to hear that phone convo between a bf and his gf. I think it'd go a little something like this:
I can't wait for you to visit. I'm really excited that you're finally gonna meet my roommate. His parents are loaded so he's got a really nice high tech computer. He's also got these incredible blue eyes! When you gaze into them it's like staring at the ocean. *sigh*
Frankly I would be a little concerned if my boyfriend told he how handsome he thought his roommate was. Anybody else?

And Now For Something Truly Frightening:
Check out this description of that hot toddy Chris:
Chris removed the rubber band from his ponytail. His hair fell down his neck. He shook it out.
Ewwwwwww!!! That is the scariest thing I've ever read. *shivers with disgust*

Well that's all the nostalgia you could shake a fist at this month! Come back next month for more. But, I mean, come back before next month too. I'll still be blogging and reviewing and acting a fool! 

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge: Round 10 Part 1 Reviews

It's October, y'all! And what better way to get Halloween time nostalgic than by reading some good ole R.L. Stine?! 

EvilEva reviews...... The Babysitter by R.L. Stine. 

Circa: 1989.

Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
* The babysitter is either super freaked out or really cold. Although I don't know how she could possibly be cold in that thick, bitchin' sweater!
* Look to the left, kids. Before the earth was inherited by the cellphone, there were things called "landlines." They had cords. It was CRAZY!
* Who's she babysitting for? The Tchotchkes? Holy balls that's a lot of knick knacks!
* The tagline reads:
Every step she takes, he'll be watching.
Is it Sting? Is Sting her stalker? Or is it Diddy? Is this the remix?

Lets Review:
After saving a wayward child from the dangers of a mall fountain, Jenny lands a babysitting gig for Thursdays and Saturdays.
Forget that these people are complete strangers, they live out in the woods where no one can hear you scream and the fact that there's been a rash of babysitter hate crimes in the community lately--- Jenny needs money for Christmas (even though she only has her mother and one friend and I'm sure they'd understand if she didn't get them anything if it meant that she didn't end up in a rock quarry somewhere.)
But Jenny happily accepts the job cos little Donny has some exquisite blond hair. Who cares if the papers say there's some kook out there specifically targeting babysitters? Who cares if Donny's dad, Mr. Hagen, seems to have a few screws loose? And who cares that Jenny has an over-active imagination, seeing a man's silhouette when it's so clearly just a fucking rock! She's gonna babysit the shit outta this gloriously coiffed child, babysitter stalker be damned!
But then the phone calls start. Some perv asks Jenny if she's all alone and then assures her that "company's coming." Well Jenny is understandably freaked and also too stupid to call the police.
Then she meets the Suspicious Neighbor With A Scooby-Doo Villians Name, Willers, sneaking around the Hagens property. And still she's too much of an idiot to call the police or at the very least tell the Hagens that some weirdo is wandering around their yard late at night.
Then she kinda falls for Chuck, the new boy in school who loves goofing off and telling lame jokes. But she's apprehensive about falling for him cos there's a slim chance that he's the cray cray caller.
The more time Jenny spends in the old house, the more freaked out she becomes. The phone calls continue. Jenny hears strange noises. And she finds a picture of a baby girl that looks just like Donny! Jenny just assumes that Donny had a sister and she must have died. You know, because he couldn't just have like a cousin that looked similar and is just maybe off in another state somewhere, completely alive and looking vaguely like Donny. Nope. Jenny's first thought is "awww. dead baby."
Anyhoo, after becoming suspicious of a car near the driveway, Mr. Hagen tells Jenny that they'd prefer she not have any friends over--- even though they live on the outskirts of town and she's there all by herself save for the 6 year old whose life she's in charge of and there's some crazy babysitter hater apparently roaming the streets.
Jenny and Chuck get closer so she invites him and her bestie, Laura, over to the Hagens one night to study. Because Jenny doesn't know how to follow instructions.
Well Chuck and Laura come over, along with Laura's fuck buddy Eugene and whattayaknow, they all forgot to bring their books! Guess studying is outta the question. Lets makeout instead! So Laura and Eugene go to another room, leaving Chuck to get a little under the sweater action with Jenny.
But oh noes! The Hagens come home to this teens-in-separate-rooms-orgy! And Mr. Hagen proceeds to lose his fucking shit. He dismisses Chuck and the fuck buddies but Jenny has to stay behind to get a stern talking to about her irresponsible, slutty ways.
Mr. Hagen is gonna drive Jenny home but first he needs to calm his ass down. Jenny goes to get her jacket out of the Hagens bedroom closet (I don't know why you would hang someone's jacket up in your own closet. I mean, I know they said the hall closet wouldn't open but still. It's not like Jenny was wearing mink. It was just a stupid down jacket. Couldn't she have just thrown it over the arm of the couch?)
While rifling through the Hagens closet, Jenny accidentally knocks down a shoebox filled with newspaper clippings, all with headlines about the babysitter hater. It's at this point, when a box of evidence literally falls at her feet that Jenny realizes the scary phone calls weren't from Chuck or from Willers or from...... Red Herring! Mr. Hagen is the crackpot! And he's standing behind her, ready to take her home! Jenny thinks she'll play it smart by being stupid and pretending she didn't see the clippings and accepting the ride from the guy that pounds on the faces of babysitters. In other words, another smart decision on Jenny's part.
So since Jenny got in the car knowing Mr. Hagen was completely crazycakes, it should come as no surprise when instead of driving her home he drives her even further nowhere to a rock quarry. And he wants to shove her into said rock quarry until she's dead.
Then who should show up but Willers! Turns out he's with the "town police" (whatever the fuck that is.) He was assigned to the Case of the Babysitter Hater and had been staking out the Hagens house. He had a feeling that Mr. Hagen beat the shizz out of babysitters in his freetime (and instead of just telling Jenny to find another profession he just let her ass continue babysitting for a babysitter hater even though it put her in serious danger. So... way to go, town police.)
Anyhoo, so Jenny's on the edge of the quarry, Mr. Hagen wants to push her in, Willers walks up with a gun but Mr. Hagen's too cray to care, he rushes towards Jenny, she moves, his ass falls in the quarry, apparently the "town police" don't believe in checking bodies so Willers and Jenny just assume Mr. Hagen's dead, Willers drives Jenny home and tells her that Mr. Hagen did have a baby girl that died mysteriously and he blamed the babysitter which apparently made him loathe every babysitter that ever sat.
So Jenny didn't die. Chuck wants to be inside her lady parts. Donny and his beautiful tresses are now fatherless. Mr. Hagen is probably dead. And Jenny's mom is an insensitive bitch that tells Jenny, pretty much right when she gets home from her harrowing night of Not Dying, that some woman down the block called and wanted to know if Jenny could babysit her twins next week.
What a bitch! I think someone else should've been thrown in that quarry!

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
I would give this award to Jenny's mom for that last bit of ridiculous bullshit but since I already mentioned it, I think I'm gonna have to give it to Jenny, for being fairly fucking dumb her damn self:
Whoever was out there pounded again, three hard raps, then three more.
It sounded like a burglar, Jenny thought.
I'm pretty sure that when someone's burgled, the person doing the burgling isn't polite enough to knock on the door first to announce that they're about to rob your ass.

EvilEva reviews...... Switched by R.L. Stine.
Circa: 1995.

Dissecting The Cover:
*Wow, this cover looks super 90stastic! Look, the girls are wearing vesty shirts! They look like white, non-twin versions of Tia and Tamera! And that one chick is wearing a motherfucking scrunchie! And there are a variety of lightning bolts about! I don't know why since there was never a storm in this book but whatever cos I guess lightning bolts make everything look much cooler.

Lets Review:
Nicole's life totally sucks donkey balls. Her parents are all up in her grill, her boyfriend just dumped her and if she doesn't make up a biology paper that she "didn't feel like doing" over the weekend then she won't be able to graduate! Ugh! Such problems! It's like she's a teenager or something.
But what luck! Nicole's BFF, Lucy has a shitty life as a teenager too. But she's got a solution to their problems. They'll switch bodies! By jumping off a magical wall in the woods! Nicole thinks this is an excellent idea because Nicole has never heard an actual excellent idea before.
The girls find the magical Freaky Friday wall and holding hands, jump off of it. When they land on the other side, they've switched bodies! Nicole looks like Lucy and Lucy looks like Nicole! And I'm confused not only because the premise of this switcheroo is extraordinarily stupid but because if you had a shitty life why would you wanna switch bodies, and therefore lives, with someone whose life is equally as shitty as yours? Wouldn't you wanna trade with someone that has an awesome life? Like Jennifer Aniston? Or Oprah? Perhaps I'm giving too much thought to this one little detail considering they switched bodies by JUMPING OFF A FUCKING WALL !
Anyhoo, back to this ridiculous shizz. So Nicole goes to Lucy's house, ready to enjoy a slightly less sucky life than the one she woke up with. But when Nicole opens the front door she discovers Lucy's parents dead! She starts freaking the fuck out because now she's got to tell her bestie that her parents have been murdered. Oh and also that they need to switch bodies back posthaste cos even though Nicole's life is a vast wasteland of suck, she so doesn't wanna deal with someone else's murdered parents.
I feel like this would be my luck. I switch my shit life with someone on the day that their parents are brutally murdered and now I've got to deal with it. Typical.
Anyhoozle, so Nicole goes to her own house where she hopes to find Lucy but no one's home.
This would also be my luck. I would be dealing with dead parent trauma while my bestie was out in my body with my parents at the Red Lobster having a real fanfuckingtastic time. So typical.
And btw, lets not even bother calling the cops and reporting this horrible crime. No, lets find our friend first. That seems like the logical thing to do. Stupid Nicole. Anyway, so Stupid Nicole tries Lucy's boyfriend, Kent's house. Lucy isn't there either. Nicole breaks down and tells Kent all about the body switching and the magical wall and Lucy's dead parents even though she and Lucy agreed not to tell anyone about the switch. So way to go, Nicole.
Kent, bee tee dubs, takes all this craziness extremely well. Like, too well. Like switching bodies by jumping off a fucking wall isn't out of the realm of possibility well. Kent tries to calm Nicole down by getting her some water but he's really calling the police! Nicole high tails it outta there. She goes back to Lucy's house to get some "fresh clothes" and to "fix her hair," like ya do after you've switched bodies with someone and you've just discovered their parents lying in a pool of blood. So Nicole goes to Lucy's room and finds that all her clothes are missing. Which is totes weird, no? No. It's becoming very clear that Lucy set your dumbass up. Could you come to that conclusion already, Nicole!
Nicole finds a knife sticking up from Lucy's desk and there's a note under it! It reads:
I had to kill them.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Lucy K.
It's at this point that Nicole really starts freaking out because now she realizes that Lucy set her up to take the fall for the murder of her parents. Nicole sees that there are two police officers at the door. Uh oh. This doesn't look good for her. So she hauls ass outta there. She goes to get her own car from the school parking lot so that she can cruise around searching for Lucy while also avoiding arrest. She decides to check the mall. Well that makes sense cos if she doesn't find Lucy there at least it won't be a total wash cos she could totes find some super cute jeans and treat herself to an Orange Julius! 
But what luck! She sees Lucy hanging out at a pizza parlor with their mutual friends, Margie and Hannah. Nicole barges in to give Lucy the ole whatfor but when she reaches their table, Lucy is gone! And Margie and Hannah called Nicole by her own name instead of Lucy's! So Lucy must have filled them in about the body-switching! Nicole promptly loses her shit. She leaves the mall and returns to Kent's house cos that worked out so well the first time. 
When she gets there, Kent's body is splayed on the floor and his head has been cut clean off. 
So Nicole books it back to the Changing Wall and tries to do a reverse switcheroo by jumping off the wall while holding a picture of Lucy. Shocker it doesn't work. So Nicole decides to go to school to talk to Margie and Hannah. Again, cos that worked out so well for her the first time. But this time she's gonna demand they tell her where Lucy's hiding. 
When she gets to the school, there are police guarding the entrances. So Nicole sneaks in and hides in a closet in the girl's locker room, waiting for Margie. Well Nicole goes complete crazyballs on Margie. So Margie tries to talk Nicole down from her obvious break with reality. Then someone comes in the locker room so Nicole hides again and when she comes out she finds Margie on the floor with her head bashed in. Nicole thinks Lucy is killing off all the people that know the switcheroo secret. 
So Nicole heads for Lucy's grandmother's house. At this point I don't know if she's trying to avoid Lucy or trying to find her. Anyhoots, when Nicole gets there Grandma calls the cops on her ass too! So Nicole hides in the barn where she finds Lucy! Lucy runs off and Nicole chases after her. I don't know why you'd be chasing after the crazy bitch that's just killed four people but then I don't think Nicole is what you would call a "smart person." 
Lucy runs to an old well and jumps in. So, of course, Nicole follows her. But before she can get to Lucy someone grabs her from behind. It's *gasp* Kent! He's alive! Or maybe a zombie. That would be cooler. I'm hoping he kills Nicole and starts eating her flesh. But he doesn't. Nicole wants to go save Lucy from the well but Kent tells her to just let Lucy drown. Then suddenly Lucy's no longer in the well. She's right next to Kent and she rips his head clear off his body. Then the two police officers grab Nicole. Then another car drives up and inside it are Nicole's parents, Lucy's parents and *the gasps continue* Kent! And they're all alive! For reals this time! And the police officers aren't actually police officers! They work at a mental health facility! Cos it turns out that Nicole is a total crazycake! It also turns out that Lucy died in a car accident three years ago! And all this crazy bullshizz has been in Nicole's head cos Lucy's death totes fucked her up! 
So no one was murdered. There's no Changing Wall. No one switched bodies. It was all just in Nicole's head. Like St. Elsewhere. So.... thanks for wasting my time, Nicole.

Say Whaaat!?!:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Nicole, for why her dumbass parents wouldn't "get" how she switched bodies with her BFF:
My parents are practical, common-sense type people. They're very smart, but they don't have great imaginations.
No offense, girl, but I think you'd have a hard time finding anyone to believe that you switched bodies with your friend by jumping off a fucking wall. I don't think it's your non-imaginative parents with the problem. Sorry, hon.

Part 2 will be coming soon! Until then please comment away if you've got something to say! I'll start you off with this topic: if you could switch bodies with anyone simply by jumping off a fucking wall, who would you wanna switch with? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Supernatural Shakedown: Season 7 Episode 3 OR Flash Forward Meets Flashback!

It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!

Episode #3: The Girl Next Door.
(P.S. this is the second episode of Supernatural that Jensen Ackles has directed! You go, Jensen!)
(P.S.S. in case you don't get the Flash Forward reference---get familiar, baby!)  
Previously on Supernatural...
The leviathan killed Cass (Maybe. We're still not completely sold on that bit yet.) and infected a towns water supply causing the townsfolk to go killing spree crazy. Sam finally defeats his hal-Lucifer-nations. There's a leviathan doctor that's treating the rest of the leviathan to hearty meals made entirely of hospital patients. Bobby shoots the Dr. but finds out that nothing seems to kill the leviathan. Bobby's house burns down and Bobby might have been in it. Noooooooooooooooooo! Car Garage Guy (who is just one of the shifty leviathan in a Car Garage Guy suit) broke Dean's leg and knocked Sam out cold. The boys dropped a car on Car Garage Guy but it didn't kill him. Sam and Dean are rushed to the hospital....where Dr. Organ Eater works!

Hospital! Dean's getting his broken leg set. He's freaking out because he realizes that he's in Black Goo Organ-Eaters General. He asks the doc where his brother is. She tells him he's getting an MRI. Dean tells her they need to leave but she tells Dean he isn't going anywhere with his broke down leg. Dean passes out.
Fade to black. Dean's back, looking really woozy. Dean rips off his IV and tries to get outta bed but quickly falls down cos he's got a big ass cast on his leg.
Enter Bobby!!!! Yay! He's alive!!! And in a suity suit! He helps Dean off the floor and tells him the hospital isn't safe and they need to haul ass.
Bobby's gonna go find Sam. He tells Dean to meet him at the ambulance dock. Dean doesn't know how he's gonna make it seeing as he can't walk. Bobby tosses him some crutches. 
Another part of the hospital! Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants and Evil Nursey-Poo are scrubbing up. Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants gets a call. Someone tells him the Winchesters are in his hospital. Oh noes!!! 
Dean's section of the hospital! Dean's trying to make a hasty exit with his crutches and through a morphine haze.
Cut to Bobby! He stops some guy wheeling someone on a gurney, presumably Sam. Bobby lies to the hospital worker and takes Sam with him.
Meanwhile, Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants and Evil Nursey-Poo briskly walk the halls. 
Dean briskly walks the halls, trying to remain upright and get the fuck outta there.
Bobby briskly wheels Sammy out.
Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants and Evil Nursey-Poo search for Dean.
Dean searches for a way out. 
Bobby puts Sam in the back of an ambulance and waits for Dean.
Uh oh! Evil Dr. Salt N Pepper Sexypants and Evil Nursey-Poo come out the back door instead! Bobby, understandably says "balls!"
Evil Dr. and Evil Nurse start coming toward Bobby's ambulance. Just then Dean comes in through the passenger side. Bobby floors it outta there.
Evil Dr. Sexypants takes out his phone and calls someone.
Exploding black goo. Supernatural logo. Showtime!

A cabin in Montana, 3 weeks later! Dean seems to be watching a telenovela. He and Bobby are awesome.
Bobby gives the boys the scoop on the hospital leviathan. They're still there, still killing people and it seems that nothing can kill them. So, not good news.
Sam fades out of the conversation because he starts hearing Lucifer again. Sam's hand is almost healed so it does no good for him to squeeze his wound now. 
Sam finally focuses on the subject at hand- the evil hospital leviathan. Bobby tells the boys that all the info he had burned up in the fire. Oh apparently the cabin used to belong to Rufus. *sniff* pour one out y'all. Bobby couldn't find any leviathan info in Rufus' cabin either. Even though Bobby's library burned down, he made copies of his one of a kind books and stashed them elsewhere. Cos Bobby is a genius!
Dean tells Sam to go get some food. Specifically pie. So Sam leaves.
Dean asks Bobby what he thinks of Sam and his flaking out during their convo. Bobby's not that worried. He thinks it was just a minor mess up. Dean kinda disagrees and is worried since Satan is still riding shotgun in Sam's noggin. So Dean and Bobby proceed to argue about Sam's mental health. Bobby tells Dean that right now they need to worry about today's problem which is the leviathan and the fact that they don't know how to kill them. Bobby leaves.
Gas & Sip! Sam gets snacks. He sees a newspaper headline that says something about an Ice Pick Killer which reminds me of the Ice Truck Killer from Dexter. Well, in that case, it's Brian, Dexter's secret long lost brother.
Sam hands the guy his credit card, the guy swipes it and now we're seeing the credit card call center for some reason.
Sam's alias comes up on some guy's computer screen. The guy calls Car Garage Guy from last weeks episode! He tells Car Garage Guy that the bros are in Montana. Car Garage Guy thinks he's too important to go to Montana to follow this lead so he tells Call Center Guy to go check it out. So Call Center Guy leaves.
Rufus' cabin! Sam's back with the goodies. Dean asks Sam if he's still having hallucinations. Sam tells him yes but he's managing it, he can tell the difference between what's real and what's all in his head.
Dean is mad that Sam got him cake instead of pie. Well pass it this way, buddy. i loves cake!
Later! Dean's crashed out on the couch. Sam reads the paper shiftily.
Present Day! Sam packs a bag and gets Dean's keys. He leaves Dean a note and leaves. Dean is still asleep on the couch and there's some commercial playing on TV for My Bloodiest Valentine which is funny since Jensen played on the remake of My Bloody Valentine.
Skate Park! A skeevy drug dealer is trying to sell drugs to a chick. A siren wails, the chick splits and the skeevy drug dealer starts to leave too. Suddenly someone decks him. He's knocked to the ground, dead and bleeding from the head.
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Rufus' cabin! Dean wakes up and finds Sam's note. It says he'll be back in a few days. Dean is not pleased. He calls Bobby to tell him that Sam took off and he's not answering his phone and he turned off his GPS. Plus he took Dean's baby! Bobby tells Dean to give it a few days cos he's no good with his broken leg anyway so just sit tight and keep calling til Sam picks up. Dean agrees. Then starts sawing his cast off.
Police station! Sam's rocking one of his Suits of Sexiness as he poses as an agent to get info on the dead drug dealer that might be tied with the Ice Pick Killer. Sam thinks this is the work of the kitsune. He asks the officer if the drug dealer was stabbed behind the ear. He was. Sam asks if the brains were missing. The officer doesn't know but leads Sam to the coroner. Sam's phone rings but he ignores it.
Gas & Sip! Dean asks the convenience store clerk if he remembers Sam and what he bought. He asks if Sam bought a paper and luckily they still have copies of the previous days paper left for Dean to filch. Dean sees the headline and is concerned.
Morgue! The coroner shows Sam that the drug dealer's pituitary gland is missing.
Flashback! Lil Sam tells Dean that the kitsune need pituitary glands in order to survive.
Present day! Sam starts a Bulletin Board Of Monster Research.
Flashback! Lil Sam's doing his kitsune homework whilst talking to Dean on the phone. Lil Sam thinks he's found a connection. He connects the X's on his map.
Present day! Big Sam's doing the same thing. He circles an area on the map.
Impala! Sam's waiting in the dark for something.
Flashback! Lil Sam's getting his research on at the library. And he sees a hot tweenie chick that catches his eye. He walks away to call Dean. He tells him the way to kill a kitsune is to stab it in the heart. Aw! Then Lil Sam asks Dean how to talk to girls.
Lil Sam gathers up his courage by the magazine rack. Lil Sam goes up to Hot Tweenie Chick, notices she has a moon necklace which will probably be relevant later on and tells her hi. Hot Tweenie Chick tells Lil Sam to go away. Aww, Lil Sam looks so dejected. Hot Tweenie Chick looks like she might feel a little sorry for telling Sam so harshly to take a hike. So she tells him that it's not him, it's just that she's not allowed to talk to boys. Lil Sam walks away dejectedly. Awwww.
He leaves the library. Hot Tweenie Chick walks out shortly after Sam. She walks by two skeevy tween boys who follow her. Sam walks after them. The skeevy tweens are harassing Hot Tweenie Chick. Lil Sam goes to work beating their asses. The tweens beat a hasty retreat. Sam introduces himself. Hot Tweenie Chick introduces herself as Amy.
Present day! Some chick is walking alone through the woods at night. Sam stealthily follows her.
Cut to some drunk dude on the side of the road that can't figure out how to get in his car. The chick from the woods watches the drunk dude from the trees. Sam comes up behind her, grabs her and pulls out a knife. Then he notices her moon necklace. It's Amy! And also Becca from Flash Forward!
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Amy recognizes Sam too. She asks him what he's doing there and he tells her he thinks she already knows what he's doing there.
Drunky finally realizes how to open his car door.
Sam takes Amy for a walk. At knife point. So Amy's the kitsune from years past. She tells Sam that she's different now. She's had the same job for 6 years, she's got a house, a mortgage, a normal life.
Flashback! Lil Amy tends to Lil Sam's wounds. She goes to get Sam a soda and there are jars of brains just hanging out in her fridge.
Sam and Amy talk about their families. Sort of. Aw, Sam and Amy flirt over their shitty home life! Sam kisses Amy!
Present day! Amy tells Sam that she's managing her kitsune-ness. But Sam brings up that she's spiked three guys this week. She tells him that she had to kill those guys but she won't tell him the specifics. But Sam can't believe her. So Amy quickly knocks the knife from his hand and slams his head against a tree and hauls ass. But Sam grabbed something from her pocket before she ran off. Then he passes out.
Morgue! Dean asks the coroner to see the body Sam wanted to see. The coroner tells Dean about the pituitary glands. Dean realizes what they're dealing with now.
He calls Bobby to inform him where Sam is and what he's up to.
Amy's house! She's quickly packing up her shit. Enter Sam. Whatever he got from her pocket had her name on it and that's how he found her.
Amy has blood on her hand and it's fresh so she just killed again. Sam wants her to tell him what's going on or he'll have to kill her. But she can't tell Sam why she's killing. Is is because she has a dark passenger?
Amy tells Sam that he knows the kind of person she is. She wouldn't kill people willy-nilly for no good reason.
Flashback! Lil Sam spills his soda. He and Amy bound over their crappy parents while cleaning up the mess. Amy doesn't think her mom is a good person. Sam and Amy have A Moment.
Present day! Sam wants Amy to tell him the truth. Amy tells him to drop the knife and she'll show him. But Sam tells Amy that he'll drop the knife after she shows him. Amy opens a door. There's a little boy asleep in the room. He's Amy's son. Amy tells Sam that she's a mortician and she's been feeding on the dead but then her son got sick and fresh meat was the only thing that helped him. She says that her son's fever broke after the last victim and she promises that it's over. They can both just walk away from this. She pleads with him by hitting him with an "after what i did for you."
Flashback! Amy hides Sam cos her mom's back home.
Now he's trapped in the closet!
Mama Kitsune tells Amy that they have to leave cos a couple of pros in an Impala have caught up with them. She tells Amy that they're leaving.
She goes to the closet!
But Amy stops her. Amy tells her to gas up the van and she'll pack.
Mama Kitsune exits.
Amy lets Sam outta the closet!
Sam tells Amy he has to go. Then he sees the brain in a jar on the table. He pulls out his knife and tells Amy that that's his dad and brother in the Impala. Sam realizes that Amy's a monster and Amy realizes that Sam is a hunter. So they're like sworn enemies. Amy admits that she's never killed anyone before. She tells him that she doesn't wanna hurt him and asks if he wants to hurt her. Sam says no. Amy tells him to run. So Sam goes to leave.
Present day! Sam opens the door to his motel. And Dean punches him in the face, knocking him into the bushes.
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Dean's pissed that Sam ran off.
Sam tells Dean that he took care of the job. Dean asks where the body is. Sam tells him that he let her go. Dean asks why.
Flashback! Before Lil Sam can leave, Mama Kitsune storms back in and grabs him. Mama Kitsune acts like a total a-hole. She tells Amy that Sam isn't her friend, he's food. Then she backhands Amy to the floor. Mama Kitsune grows some pretty fierce claws and is about to tear Sam to shreds when a knife is plunged through her chest. Holy balls! Amy just killed her own mother to save Sam!
Present day! Sam told Dean the whole Amy backstory. He never told anyone until now. He said it was his mess so he had to clean it up. Dean tells him he didn't exactly clean it up.
But Sam couldn't kill Amy. She saved him, killed her own mother to do it. He had to let her go. Dean tells Sam that they have to kill her because she's still killing people.
Flashback! Lil Sam tells Amy she has to run. He tells Amy to get on the first bus outta town, he'll take care of her mom's body. Amy tells Sam to come with her but Sam tells her he can't. Amy leaves.
Present day! Dean tells Sam he understands how he feels responsible for Amy but he reminds Sam that Amy is a freak. Sam gets mad because he's technically a "freak" too. And even though he's not normal, it doesn't mean that he's dangerous. And the same goes for Amy. Neither of them will ever be "normal" but they're both managing their freakishness.
Dean doesn't know if they can trust that Amy won't kill again. Sam tells him that Amy's dying son is the reason that she was killing. He tells Dean that they'd probably do the same thing if they were in that position. Which is true. Sam tells Dean that it's fine if he doesn't trust Amy but he needs to trust Sam. Dean agrees. Sam looks kinda shocked that Dean is being so understanding.
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Dean's on the phone. Sam approaches. Dean tells him that they'll meet up with Bobby tomorrow. Dean actually lets Sam drive his baby. They get to a motel. Dean tells Sam to check in while he goes to get his pain meds. Sam exits. Dean slides into the driver's seat.
Amy's house or perhaps motel! Amy walks in. Dean's already there. He tells her he's Sam brother. Amy asks if Sam sent him but Sam doesn't even know that Dean went to meet her. She asks if Sam told him about her son. Dean tells her he did but it doesn't matter how hard she tries, you are what you are. He tells her that eventually she will kill again. Amy promises that she won't. Dean tells her she can't promise something like that because eventually the other shoe will drop. Then he stabs her! Good God, Dean!
She falls on the bed and dies. Dean turns to leave and sees that her son saw the whole thing. Dean asks if he's got someone he can go to. The boy nods his head yes. Dean asks if he ever killed anyone. The boy shakes his head no. Dean tells the boy that if he ever does kill anyone he'll will come back and kill him too.
The boy tells Dean the only person he's gonna kill is Dean. Dean tells him to look him up in a few years, assuming he lives that long. Dean walks away. The boy runs over to his dead mother. Dean looks kinda regretful and leaves.
Gas & Sip! Call Center Guy is on the phone. He tells whoever is on the other end, Car Garage Guy presumably, that Sam was definitely there. Call Center Guy has all the Winchester alias' and he'll find them from here. He's just gotta grab a bite first. He's got the Gas & Sip clerk tied up! He tells him that plain ol' people taste fine but everything's better with cheese. Then he lifts a vat of nacho cheese and dumps it over the clerk's head! Then Call Center Guy gets full-on Venus Flytrap Vagina Face!

Next time on Supernatural...
Dean is guilt-ridden and Jo's back!!!!!!