For the first half of this months Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge we're headed back to Stoneybrook to check in with our favorite baby-sitting gang! So grab your Kristy's Krushers baseball cap, jump into your time machine and lets haul ass back to 1987 where our first tale takes place.
EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #5: Dawn and the Impossible Three by Ann M. Martin.
Circa: 1987.
Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*Though this book was written in the 80's, i believe they reissued it with a new cover in the 90's which would explain Dawn's denim shirt. She has her hand to her forehead, the international symbol for- Holy Hell These Children Are Driving Me Insane!
*The three little children look absolutely horrible. One is crying, one is pulling on Dawn's arm and the little boy (who bears a striking resemblance to Aaron Carter, who was a less popular version of Justin Bieber in the 00's) looks like a complete douchenugget in a cowboy hat and flippers!
*Still reading at an Accelerated rate, y'all!
Lets Review:
Dawn just moved to Stoneybrook from California and boy, are these two places so totally different! California= sun and fun. Stoneybrook Connecticut is fucking freezing! Seriously. It's 70 fucking degrees here, y'all! Break out your mittens and woolen hats!
Other than this heinous weather change, Dawn in managing just fine. In fact, she's already made a group of besties and gotten a job. Because Dawn is super organized and perhaps a tad OCD.
One minor prob with her new besties though. Kristy HATES her because, unbeknownst to Dawn, she's a big, fat friend stealer! Yes, Mary Anne is now Dawn's friend and Kristy, being the ginormous control freak she is, is completely butt hurt about it. But fear not, honorary BSC members, Dawn and Kristy find common ground through their parents divorces and their shared love of loft-jumping!
Also, ya may have guessed that Dawn meets "the impossible three" in this book. (Even though i don't recall her ever referring to them as such.) Why are they "impossible," you ask? Well their mom and dad are going through a terrible divorce. Take a look-
"Ma'am, I don't mean to alarm you," Detective Norton began, "but has your divorce been a friendly one?"First off Detective, way to preface this statement with "I don't mean to alarm you." Mrs. Barrett should be thrilled to know that her ex-husband is probably just a kidnapper and that her son is more than likely NOT being sold into white slavery right now. You certainly have a way with words, sir. Maybe now you'll get that promotion to be a counselor for the suicide hotline.
"No, it hasn't," Mrs. Barrett answered. "Why?"
"Because," replied the detective, "many of the children missing today in this country are children of divorce. They've been taken by parents who want custody of them, but have not been granted custody."
Anyhoo, the kids are terrible because their mom is a total space case who isn't organized or OCD enough to run her own household- Wait.A.Minute!- Dawn is organized and OCD! So she agrees to help Mrs. Barrett with her children since it's not their fault their mother is scatterbrained and their dad is a kidnapper. Hooray! The BSC saves the day yet again!
Say Whaaat!?!?:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Uh, Detective Norton, duh! I'm not so sure that "many of the children missing today in this country are children of divorce." I don't even think that's an actual statistic. I would think many of the children missing today in this country are children that have been swiped by pedophiles. Then again, I'm not a detective from Stoneybrook Connecticut, the divorce capitol of the United States, so what do I know.
The Fashion!:
I've noticed that fashion is very prevalent in these books. Ann M. Martin loooooves describing what the BSC members are wearing. So here are a few gems that I found in Dawn and the Impossible Three:
She doesn't look like Claudia or Stacey, who wear these really wild outfits such as tight black pants and Day-Glo shirts, but, well, for instance, at that very moment as we walked across the Kishis' lawn, Mary Anne had on her first sweatshirt and her first pair of jeans ever.So it seems that Mary Anne's father has learned to chillax , finally allowing her to wear jeans! and sweatshirts! without fear of being thrown in the Hidey-Hole Of Shame!
She looked terrific!
And what about the fabulous Stacey?
She was wearing a simple pink T-shirt under a baggy jumpsuit with big pink and red flowers all over it.OMG, it is like straight up Sex and the City in this mug! Stacey would be Samantha. Mary Anne would, of course, be the more conservative Charlotte. Kristy would be Miranda. And Claudia would definitely be Carrie! (I mean, can you think of anyone else that would wear a bird in her hair on her wedding day?)
Bonus Shizz!:
There's an ad in the back of the book for the BSC dolls! I completely forgot that this was even a thing! There's Stacey, Claudia, Kristy, Mallory, Jessi, Dawn and Mary Anne! Coming soon to a store near you!
Circa: 1987.
Dissecting The Cover:
*This one looks real statutory rape-y, guys. Stacey is at the beach holding an injured kid while flirting with a lifeguard that looks like he's in his mid-40's.
*Stacey looks all twitterpated and moony-eyed.
*Creepy 40-something lifeguard looks like he's trying to smolder the fuck out of Stacey's face. Plus he's got his shirt unbuttoned down to his navel. He kinda just smacks of GROSS. I'm hoping one of the seagulls flying above them will crap on his overly gelled head.
*The injured kid looks as if she's thinking, "Bitch, i can't believe you got me to fake a sprained foot for this douchemuffin."
*The tagline is:
Apparently you do Stacey since you seem to be using this kid as your wingwoman. Plus that's no boy that's a man. A creepy one that probably owns a windowless van and LOTS of candy. Run away, Stacey! Run away!Who needs baby-sitting when there are boys around!
Lets Review:
Stacey and Mary Anne are headed to the Jersey Shore! No, not in a hair-poofing, fist-pumping, juicehead-fucking kind of way. Ew! They're going to help the Pike parents watch after their brood, which includes Mallory, Adam, Jordan, Byron, Vanessa, Nicky, Margo, Claire, Joshua, Jinger, Jill, Josiah, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Donny and Marie. (Ok so half of those names aren't really Pike kids. A BSC book to the person who can name who the other half belong to, drop your answer in the comments section below.)
This should be a blast! Sun! Sand! And boys!
Stacey has meet her soulmate, y'all! And he's a hunky 18 year old lifeguard named Scott! Mary Anne doesn't like this one bit though because not only has this lifeguard got Stacey shirking her Pike-related responsibilities, leaving all 263 kids for Mary Anne to watch after, but HELLO! he's 18! He's probably got chest hair and his voice is deep and his balls have dropped and all that other stuff we learned in Health class about boys! But Stacey couldn't give a shit even if she tried. She's in love! L-U-V!
That is until she spies Scott kissing some other girl! Now just a damn minute, Scott! True, you never kissed, touched or went on a date with Stacey but you did call her "cutie" and "babe" and asked her to fetch you a soda, so you can see why Stacey is so hurt by your betrayal. Because she is so obviously crazy. Boy Crazy! Speaking of, hey there's a cute guy and he looks about 14! His name is Toby and he's totes dreamy! Fuck you, Scott! Stacey has a new love now. Stacey + Toby= LUV! (Until she gets back to Stoneybrook and finds better prospects in closer proximity to her vagina.)
Say Whaaat!?!?:
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Stacey because this is why she is jealous of the other girls:
How did those girls get so lucky? Not only did the lifeguards seem to know them but they gave them the supreme honor of letting them do favors for them. Those girls got to bring them sodas and pick up anything that fell off the stand and one was even asked to fix them sandwiches for lunch."Supreme Honor?!" Oh Stacey, don't fret. That's what we like to call bitch work. And you're better than that.
The Fashion!:
Stacey- on finding a sophisticated look to wear to Watson's snooty McMansion:
I changed my mind six times before I decided on this new pink shirt I got the last time we went back to New York City to visit friends. Big, bright green and yellow birds were splashed all over it. It was gigantic, so it would be cool. I put it on with a pair of baggy shorts, looped a wide green belt around my middle, and hunted up some jewelry- silver bangle bracelets and a pair of silver earrings shaped like bells that actually ring when they dangle back and forth.Because nothing says sophisticated and understated like giant green and yellow birds perched on your breasts.
Stacey- on her choice of swimwear (as well as her opinion of her bosoms):
I'm not shy. I whipped off my clothes. Underneath was my new bikini. It was skimpy (and we're talking very skimpy) and yellow, with tiny bows at the sides on the bottom part. And if I do say so myself, the top part was filled out pretty nicely.Oh Stacey, you little slut!
Bonus Shizz!:
Coming Soon--- The Baby-Sitters Club Drinking Game!
That's all for now but check back soon for the second half of this round when I'll be reviewing two more super nostalgic books!
Comment away, si vous plait!
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