EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #86: Mary Anne and Camp BSC by Ann M. Martin. Circa: 1995.
Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*It's Mary Anne and four kiddies telling ghost stories in Dawn's old falling-down barn! Well it was old and falling-down in Dawn and the Impossible Three but that was 81 books ago so maybe someone as fixed the barn so that it's no longer a funhouse deathtrap.
*Mary Anne has a new 'do, y'all! And it is not at all attractive. Looks like she's got a mushroom cap on her head.
*There's a kerosene lamp on the hay-strewn floor of the barn. That seems safe, BSC. Fire so close to extremely flammable hay in an old wooden barn full of children. This sounds like one of Kristy's "Great Ideas."
*The tagline is:
Everyone's a happy camper- except Mary Anne!Probably because she's stuck with that fugly hairdo until it grows back out.
It's summertime! And the BSC decides to start a camp! But not just any camp. A circus camp! Whatever the fuck that is! And everyone is excited to participate. Everyone except Mary Anne. She's all sad because her dad has to go on a business trip for two weeks. Well, cheer up Mary Anne. You're out of your attic hidey hole and you and your stepmom and Dawn all get to be "bachelor girls" which entails eating takeout every single night, watching movies whilst throwing popcorn at the screen, and never cleaning up, EVER! Which sounds fanfuckingtastic to me but Mary Anne quickly sours on the whole "bachelor girl" lifestyle. (P.S. It's called a bachelorette, Ann M. Martin. Bachelor girl just sounds stupid.)
Eventually Mary Anne learns A Lesson from one of the four year old campers. That lesson is that she needs to learn to loosen the fuck up.
And, in case you were wondering, the kids put on an amazeballs circus performance!
SIDENOTE: Shock and awe, y'all! Stacey is out of the BSC!
We were short-handed because one of the members of the club had quit not too long before. Stacey McGill, our treasurer, had just left the BSC- and her friends- for her boyfriend and his group of "more sophisticated" friends.Lets face it, guys. We always knew that slut would be the first to go.
ANOTHER SIDENOTE: I think we've found Kristy's first lesbian lover!
Shannon is sometimes quiet, but she is very sure of herself in her own way, just like Kristy, and very organized in a Kristy-like way, too.She's the perfect girl for Kristy. It would be like frenching herself!
FINAL SIDENOTE: We get to read about the shoulder on shoulder action that Mary Anne and her boyfriend, Logan, give each other. Hot!
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Dawn for her definition of "stupid movies."
"Yeah, you know, Mary Anne. We'll watch dumb, nonmeaningful videos."It's the "nonmeaningful" that gets me. I also find it semi-hilarious that Mary Anne needs someone to explain to her what constitutes as a "stupid movie."
My answer would have been:
"Yeah, you know, Mary Anne. Like. Not good."Then I'd hit her up side the head with a wooden spoon.
*There's a sneak peek at The Baby-Sitters Club #87! It's called Stacey and the Bad Girls. Wait. But Stacey quit the BSC. Do we still even give a shit about her? Apparently so. It seems Stacey has gotten involved with *gasp* shoplifters!!!
*There's an ad for The Baby-Sitters Club Major Motion Picture!!! Coming soon!!!
Evil Eva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club #119: Stacey's Ex-Boyfriend by Ann M. Martin.
Dissecting The Cover:
*It's an ad for Prozac!
*Stacey is wearing a white dress with tiny purple flowers all over it. It's got a pretty low V-neck because Stacey is a big slutty-slut! She's got on white sandals that, I shit you not, resemble a pair that I used to wear to Sunday school. When I was four! Whoever drew Stacey made her legs look freakishly thin.
*Stacey's ex-boyfriend, Robert, is sitting at her kitchen table all depressed and hunched over like Quasimodo after a long day of bell ringing.
*The tagline is simply:
What's wrong with Robert?Perhaps it's that he's a teenager and his body, it is a'changing. Or maybe it's the fact that Robert is only an 8th grader and yet the artist has rendered him in the likness of Anthony Michael Hall's face of today. Or maybe he just realized that he dated a girl with chicken legs and no fashion sense.
Breathe a sigh of relief, y'all because Stacey has renounced her heathen ways and has rejoined the BSC! Hooray! Although not hooray for long. Stacey's boyfriend, Robert, is all depressed and junk. He's given up his friends, he's not paying attention in class AND he quit the baseball team! Robert! What the fuck is wrong with you? That's precisely what Stacey plans on finding out! She's gonna talk to Robert and try to pull him out of his funk. But Robert is being difficult. Finally Stacey learns that she can't turn Robert's frown upside down all be herself. A grownup MUST be involved. So Stacey suggests that Robert should have a heart to heart with his baseball coach about his premature ejaculation or his manarexia or his desire to become "Roberta" or his uncanny facial resemblance to a 40-something Anthony Michael Hall. We don't know which. We never learn what exactly Robert's problem is.
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Y'all this one was a toughie because this book was littered with ridiculousness. So I'll give you two ridiculous lines and then one awesome one courtesy of Claudia.
We'll start with Stacey, though. Here's what attracted Stacey to Robert (pre-sad sackery, of course.)
Robert's cute, with wavy hair, great dimples and a knockout smile. His broad shoulders and dark eyes first attracted me to him, but later I fell for all of him.You know, after I fucked him with my mind.
Speaking of Robert, lets check in on his mental state:
Robert shook his head sadly. "I just can't manage to see things that way. It looks to me as if we all just keep repeating the same pointless, stupid activities over and over until we die. So in the end even life is pointless."Jesus. Bring the room down why don't ya. And this kid is only in the 8th grade. Wait til you get to high school, Robbie. It's all downhill from here!
And now, because Claudia is awesome:
"Who cares if he's grounded," Claudia said, flopping dismally onto her bed. "He doesn't do anything anyway."Oh Claudia! You speak the truth, girlfriend. This is why you are my favorite!
Stacey, describing Claudia's unique individuality:
She was wearing a long-sleeved zebra-print leotard under leopard-print overall shorts. A tiger-stripe scarf was tied around her neck and her hair was caught up into a ponytail with a lizard-print scrunchie. Her earrings were two orange-spotted giraffes.So, in other words, Claudia got thrown up on by the zoo.
Stacey, on Mary Anne's new fashion choices once her father had the stick from his ass removed:
Mary Anne was allowed to wear more fashionable clothes and to get a short haircut instead of wearing the babyish braids her dad used to insist on.And he's finally let her out of her attic hidey hole for longer time periods other than just to attend school and eat meals!
Since the divorce, Stacey's mom has become pretty lax with the house rules.
Mom's rule was that he could come in while she was out, but we had to stay in the kitchen.Because teens follow rules so well. And also you can't fuck on a table! Apparently Stacey's mom has yet to catch an episode of Teen Mom.
*There's a "Dear Reader" from Ann M. Martin herself telling us what we should do should we ever encounter such a Negative Nancy like Robert.
*Baby-Sitters Club Notebook Pages! Which is just kind of a lame Mad Libs.
*Pics from Stacey's Scrapbook! Her parents look like the ones from 7th Heaven.
*A sneak peek at book #120: Mary Anne and the Playground Fight. From what I gather, Kristy is being a bitch and Claudia wants to punch her in the throat. I am almost positive that probably won't happen. It'd be really cool if it did though!
*A new Baby-Sitters Club Fan Club order form! This time you get a 110-mm camera! a mini photo album! a keepsake shipper! a poster! a diary! notecards! stickers! eight pencils! and much more for only $8.95 (plus $2.00 postage and handling)
P.S. I didn't add those exclamation points. That's how it was actually written out.
Well guys, we've reached our nostalgia quota for this month. But don't forget to come back next month when I'll review four more new old books! Plus I'll soon unveil The Baby-Sitters Club Drinking Game! As always, if you've got any suggestions or comments, dish that shizz below!