EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery #19: Kristy and the Missing Fortune by Ann M. Martin.
Dissecting The Cover:
Because you can judge a book by its cover!
*The faces say so much on the cover of this one. Lets break it down mug by mug:
-Claudia: "Um, y'all, don't hate me but I've been holding the map upsidedown this whole time. The only treasure here is my fringe-y jacket."
-Jessi: "You mean I dug this tiny hole for nothing?!?! Bitch, I'ma hit you in the face with this trowel."
-Kristy: "Don't worry, Jessi, for I of course have a great idea. I'll dig your puny hole deeper and then we can shove Claudia's soon to be lifeless body in it."
*P.S. Kristy, if you're trying to sneak around unseen in the middle of the night (or 10pm) you might wanna choose something a little less vibrant than that bright ass red turtleneck and hat that you're wearing.
One wintry blahbiddy-blah day, Kristy finds a book in Watson's library about Ye Olde Stoneybrook and finds the name Christina Thomas in it. Which is totally cray cray cos it is so close to Kristy Thomas it is UNBELIEVABLE!
Turns out Christina Thomas disappeared like forever ago and took her inheritance with her. Where did she go? No one knows. That's why this is a MYSTERY!
So because this woman's name is so close to her own (and because her greedy ass is hoping to find the missing fortune) Kristy starts researching Christina's life.
Soon Kristy finds out that Christina's home and the arboretum that Jessi is coincidentally trying to save are one and the same! So the girls recruit the rest of the BSC to help them dig up the flowerbeds so they can find the treasure and then use the money to save the arboretum.
But all they find is a box full of not money. But Christina did leave behind the lease to the property containing the arboretum. She left the land to the town of Stoneybrook! So now the developers that were trying to buy the land to put up apartments can suck it! The arboretum is here to stay even though no one even knew it was here in the first place. So now we can go back to not enjoying these flowers all year long! And it's all thanks to Kristy and her nosy tendencies!
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Kristy, for this gem about how she will make her millions since they were unable to find the treasure:
"I guess I'll have to make my millions by baby-sitting instead!"Yeah. From one baby-sitter to another--- good luck with that, sister.
Please enjoy this description of Claudia's stakeout outfit:
She was wearing black jeans, short black cowboy boots, and a black suede jacket with fringe along the back and arms and silver buttons that looked like those old Indian-head nickels.Even while technically committing a crime Claudia Kishi does NOT do inconspicuous.
And I know that you're dying to know what Claud wore to the arboretum celebration:
Claudia was wearing a tuxedo, with a huge pink rose in her lapel.I.... I don't even know what to say. Every time a Claudia ensemble is described it's like a gift from Baby Jesus himself. I just love it!
OMG! There is an ad for The Baby-Sitters Club Mystery Game! You have to use the special Mystery Case card to pick WHO did it, WHAT was involved, WHY it happened, and WHERE it happened. Then dial secret words on your Mystery Wheels to add to the story! Travel around the Stoneybrook map gameboard to uncover your friend's secret word clues! Finish four baby-sitting jobs and find out all the words to win.
Idon't even remotely know what the fuck ANY of that means but.... I WANTS it!
EvilEva reviews...... The Baby-Sitters Club Super Mystery #2: Baby-Sitters Beware by Ann M. Martin.
Dissecting The Cover:
*This isn't any ordinary mystery--- It's a Super Mystery!
*There's a girl I'm guessing to be Kristy cos she's got a fucking turtleneck on, and a girl who I imagine is Stacey because of her wavy, voluminous, blonde hair, and they are scared, y'all. They're making gasp-y faces while clutching a little boy. It should be noted that the little boy is looking in the complete opposite direction as the girls. So this little idiot isn't even looking at what he's supposed to be scared of.
*There's a creep wearing a black leather jacket, black knit hat and black leather gloves. So their stalker is OJ Simpson? Sorry. I always think of OJ when I see black leather gloves. Maybe he could get some kind of endorsement deal. You know, when he gets out of prison. And if there's a glove company that would want to hire a spokesperson/murderer.
*The tagline reads:
Someone's stalking the BSC!God what a tedious job that must be. Hey look they're.... baby-sitting.... again.
Oh my God, y'all, we get to go skiing at Shadow Lake! Doesn't that sound like a shit ton of fun?!?! But uh oh. All of a sudden totally not fun stuff starts happening to the BSC.
Like Stacey nearly gets her ass run over!
Kristy has a rock thrown through her window and someone spray paints a threatening message on her door!
Someone even sets Claudia's trash cans on fire!
However, while all this shizz is super scary, the girls refuse to let it ruin their trip to Shadow Lake.
That is until they start getting full-on stalked there to!
Stacey gets stuck on the chairlift!
Kristy's skis get broken and placed in a menacing fashion!
And Claudia nearly falls down a dangerous ski slope!
Meanwhile, back in Stoneybrook, Mary Anne and the less important members of the BSC, namely Mallory, Jessi, Logan and Shannon, are trying to figure out who in the world could be so pissed at the BSC that they would vaguely, semi, not really try to kill them.
All signs point to Karl Tate, a no good dognapper that the BSC helped send to prison.
But as it turns out it isn't Karl Tate. It's his son Woodie! He's beyond pissed off at the girls for sending his dad to prison and making their family *shudder* poor. Now he's gonna like kill or rape or just yell and wildly gesticulate at them. Oh noes! We need to tell the girls they're in an assload of trouble. But the phones are down! And there's a blizzard!
It's ok though cos eventually Nancy Drew enthusiast, Claudia, figures it out and Woodie falls in a frozen-over lake. The cops fish his ass out and take him to jail.
Kristy, Claudia, Stacey and Abby return to Stoneybrook and the BSC, safe to meddle in other peoples lives once more. Yay!
And the most ridiculous line in the entire book goes to...
Claudia, for uttering these words about a man whose home was broken into but he denied it and didn't allow the cops to investigate his house:
"Maybe he has something inside the house he doesn't want the police to see," Claudia suggested. "Like... like stolen art."While the art thief ratio is right up there with the divorced parents ratio in Stoneybrook, I'm fairly certain you are wrong on this one, Claud. He's probably just got a meth lab or something in there. Or maybe he's one of those people that grow marijuana in his closet. Either way, Nancy Drew would be ashamed of you for that suggestion.
And also to Mary Anne, for being a dumbass:
"Have you and, uh, James, been bothering me and my friends? I mean, two of my friends saw you, and we're all members of a club together, the Baby-Sitters Club, and some strange things have been happening to us, and I wondered..."Mary Anne, you are so stupid. What kind of idiot would go up to someone as they're being cuffed and taken to a police car, and basically say "Uh, hey, my friends saw you commit that crime and scary shit has been happening to us ever since so I was wondering if you were the one trying to scare us and if you weren't well I've just given you all the information you'll need if you'd like to seek your revenge on us in the future."
Nancy Drew would spit in your face, Mary Anne.
Those Were The Days:
Here's a new category for the Super Nostalgic Book Flashback Challenge. I found something that I semi-squealed with delight over when I read it cos it took me back to my childhood:
That day we decided to make cookies. (But Shea, who is nine, and Jackie weren't calling them cookies. They were calling them Edible Slammers, after their Pogs and Slammers games---OMG! I LOVED playing pogs! I probably had a hundred of them. Sparkly, holographic, glittery! They were very popular with me and my friends. I still have most of them in my Keorppi pencil box, including my Hypno Slammer which is An Official Bart Simpson Fun Toy and which won me many a pog battle!
This book was written from the different POVs of all the baby-sitters. Thus I was finally introduced to Abby Stevenson. Up until now I hadn't come across her in my BSC dealings. What do I think of Abby? Well. I hate her. She's like the worst character in the BSC universe. I don't think I'll be checking out any Abby books from the library. In fact, I'd kinda rather jump into the frozen-over lake with criminal dipshit Woodie.
That's all the nostalgia I can cram into this month. Be sure to come back next month when I'll be getting my Christopher Pike on!