Thursday, September 29, 2011

Supernatural Shakedown: Season 7 Episode 1 OR The Boys Are Back In Town!

It's Friday night. It's 9 o clock. So sit your Ass-butt down and lets watch some Supernatural!

Episode #1: Meet The New Boss.
Previously on Supernatural...
i already went over this EXTENSIVELY. Catch up, slackers!

We pick up right where season 6 left off, in the lab with Sam, Dean, Bobby and Cass. Cass tells the guys to bow down and profess their love so Bobby, not wanting to go kablooey, takes a knee (and makes a funny!) Dean and Sam go to bow too but Cass tells them not to bother if they don't really mean it.
Cass tells them to get up and that the Cass they knew is gone. Dean asks this new and crazycaked Cass if he plans on killing them. Cass figures since they now know what he's capable of they wouldn't dare be stupid enough to come after him. So for now he sees no reason to kill them. Cass is God now and if they're good they can live in his kingdom but if they rise up against him he'll strike them down. So in other words, Cass don't play, y'all.
Sam isn't looking to good. i mean, of course Sam looks good because he is a fine ass piece of manliness but he doesn't look good in the sense that he might collapse or something in about half a second. Cass calls him on it but Sam assures Cass that he's fine. Dean is pissed cos Cass promised that he would fix Sam's downed head-dam. But Cass tells them that he only promised to do so if they stood down which they didn't and they should be thankful that he didn't toss Sam back into the pit with Lucifer and Michael. Dean tries to talk some sense into Cass but Cass ain't having it. He tells them that he hopes for their sake this is the last time that they'll see him.
Sam's nose starts bleeding. Hell blink! Sam falls and his hand lands in broken glass. Another hell blink!
Cut to Cass. He's lecturing someone on how if they followed Raphael they'll for realsies be punished. He tells whoever that the Father left a long time ago and that Cass thought at first the answer was freewill but that didn't really work out so now he's thinking a firm hand is the way to go. Cass says "i am your Father now." And he wants whoever to be obedient or they'll end up like, Holy Shizz, this field full of angel carcasses!!!
New title card! Black goop. Supernatural logo. Showtime!

Dean is fixing the Impala after it's like one millionth accident. Enter Bobby with a beer. Dean asks Bobby about Sam. Bobby tells him that he's still asleep but alive. Bobby also informs us that he's got some hunter peeps on the lookout for Cass. The downside to this whole "Cass being God thing" is that they don't even know where to start their search. They're both pretty grumpy about it too. Dean thinks that since there's nothing they can do about Cass right now then he's just gonna spend his time working on the Impala and Sam.
Dean goes inside to get another beer. Sam's awake! He tells Dean that all things considered he feels him, his head just hurts a little. Sam wants the scoop on what happened with Cass. Dean tells Sam to come help with the Impala and he'll fill him in. Dean exits.
Sam has A Feeling. What kind of feeling? We don't know but my guess would be probably not a good one.
Some church! There's some preacher seemingly talking smack about the gays. So clearly not a fan of Glee. Ignorant Preacher Man says someone has to speak for God. Enter Cass aka God. Cass doesn't really care about sexual orientation but hypocrites, like Ignorant Preacher Man, he so does not enjoy.
Cass informs Ignorant Preacher Man that he is God. (Ok we get it. Stop with the beating of the dead horse already!) Ignorant Preacher, i'm fairly sure, shits his pants.
Some dude stands up to stop this but Cass totally shuts his ass down. Ignorant Preacher Man starts foaming at the mouth and he falls to the ground. Cass starts to leave but hears someone whisper "Castiel." Cass holds onto a pew and continues to hear the strange whispers. He looks over at a stained-glass window of Jesus. He moves his hand and has seared the wood of the pew. Cass starts to leave again and now the stained-glass Jesus has been replaced with a stained-glass Cass.
Bobby's basement! Sam is looking for something. He hears some noise. Sam finds the tool he was looking for and when he turns back around the basement is all red lit and there are meat hooks hanging from the ceiling. Sam is understandably freaked. Bobby comes down the stairs and calls to Sam. When Sam hears Bobby, suddenly the basement has returned to its normal state. Bobby looks concerned by the freaked out look on Sam's face. He tells Sam they might have a lead on Cass.
Upstairs! There's now breaking news on the telly. There have been a suspicious number of sudden deaths of religious leaders. This has got to be the work of Cass.
Dean fixes the Impala while listening to more Cass related weirdness on the radio. Sam and Dean talk about how far off the deep end Cass is. Sam suggests that they try talking to him. Dean thinks that idea is stupid cos Cass isn't just some guy anymore, he's God. Dean feels betrayed and no longer wants to talk about Cass.
An RV at a campground! It's Crowley. Enter Cass whom Crowley is not exactly jazzed about seeing.
Stop! Commercial time!

Cass tells Crowley that he has plans for him. Crowley will be returning to his post as King of Hell but Cass will now be controlling where all the souls go. Cass tells Crowley that he would've done away with hell completely but he needs a threat to hold over his enemies.
Crowley is as delightful as ever and accepts Cass' offer since he can't really refuse it. Cass notices that he's got some weird burn-looking scars on his hand. Can't worry about that now though. Cass out.
Bobby's! Sam's sexily doing research when he hears that noise again. Suddenly a chain whips down from the ceiling, wraps around Sam's neck and pulls him upward. There's also menacing laughter.
Sam wakes up. It was only a dream. Sam calls out to Dean and Bobby but they're outside. The Impala's looking pretty fucking sweet now. Bobby and Dean have gone back to they're fave season 6 pastime, discussing Sam's mental health. Bobby doesn't know how Sam is even vertical after having Cass crack open his noggin. Dean doesn't know either but he hopes that Sam really is ok.
Sam listens from outside the garage. Dean doesn't actually think Sam's alright cos they can never seem to catch a break. Sam enters the garage. He tells Dean and Bobby about more Cass related killings. He wonders if any of the Heavenly weapons Balthy *sob* filched last season would work on Cass.
Dean doesn't think anything could hurt Cass but maybe someone could. Oooh. What you talkin' bout Willis.
The boys summon Crowley. He's pissed. He tells them that Cass is his new boss now. He also calls Sam a giraffe. But Crowley's semi hoping to conspire with the boys. Cos he's still Crowley after all. The bros want a spell to bind Death. Crowley's all Whhhhhhaaaaa?!?! He says that Cass and Death are too powerful to be fucked with. Bobby asks him if he seriously wants Cass ruling the universe. Crowley thinks about this and pours himself a little drinky-poo.
Cut to a blind man begging on the street. The blind man's voice kinda sounds like Pedro's from Napoleon Dynamite. Cass gives him some change and then heals his blindness. The man asks Cass what's wrong with his face. Which is a fine how do you do since Cass just repaired your fucking eyesight, mister!
Cass is now elsewhere looking in a mirror. His face is covered in red blisters. More whispers. They say "let us out." Cass lifts up his shirt and hands are pushing out through his flesh. Which is seriously nasty but also really cool looking.
Commercial time yet again.

Bobby's house! Someone slipped something under the door. It's the spell to bind Death. The guys have most of what the spell calls for but they're gonna need an Act of God aka a crystal made from lightning hitting sand a la Sweet Home Alabama. Bobby looks up crystal auctions because Anything Is Possible with the power of the internet! And as luck would have it a crystal winning bidder lives a mere 9 hours away.
Lets go rob them!
Winning Bidder's McMansion! Sam and Bobby look for a way to break in. A security guard spots them and it seems like we might have trouble but Dean comes to the rescue, knocking the guard out with the butt of his gun and a Grey Poupon joke. They break in and look around. Dean finds the crystal. Winning Bidder and his wife find Dean. And Winning Bidder has his own gun. Rut Row.
Somehow Dean manages to disarm Winning Bidder. Dean ties up Winning Bidder and his wife. Enter Sam and Bobby.
Bobby brought the goods so we're just gonna do the Death spell in Winning Bidder's casa. Bobby starts with the Latin. Things start a-shakin' and a-breakin'.
Heeeeeere's Death. The spell worked cos Death is now bound and not too pleased about it. Dean tries to win Death over with fried pickle chips. Death assumes that this tomfoolery has something to do with Sam's hallucinations. He tells Sam that he can't help him again. There's only one wall per customer. Bobby and Dean look all "hallucinations?!?!"
Dean tells Death they actually would really like for him to kill Cass. Death asks why should he. Dean tells him cos they said so and they own his ass at this point in time.
Enter Cass and his blistery face.
Cass goes to get rid of the boys but Dean informs him that Death is kinda their bitch right now so not even God could kill them.
Death tells Cass that his vessel is melting and he's going to explode if he doesn't spew out purgatory soon. But Cass thinks not. Cass says he'll just repair himself. Death informs Cass that there are much older and worse things in purgatory and he just gulped them up along with the souls. They are the leviathan, beasts created by God. That's why purgatory exists, to keep these nasties locked up. And Cass has foolishly swallowed them.
Cass and Death have a pissing contest. Dean orders Death to go ahead and kill Cass. Death lifts his hand. Cass snaps his fingers and unbinds Death. Rut Row yet again. Death makes a funny and Cass leaves. Death eats his fried pickle chips.
Some senator's campaign office! Cass enters. He wants to punish the senator for abusing her power. Cass proceeds to lose his shit.
Bobby's! Death tells Dean that he warned him about the souls forever ago and Dean really should have tried harder to reign Cass in. Death starts to leave but Sam calls him back. Death is so hilarious tonight! He finds Cass arrogant and tells the boys that Cass needs to puke up purgatory. They have everything they need at Cass' lab. They just need to get Cass' ass there and willing to commit to purgatory bulimia.
Bobby reminds Death that the door to purgatory only opens during an eclipse which just happened. Death will make another eclipse. All they have to do is bring Cass to the lab at 3:59 Sunday morning. Death threatens Dean about having any future plans to bind him. Death leaves.
Senator's campaign office! Cass wakes up all bloody. All of the office aides are dead. Cass seems to see the error of his ways but then he gets kinda freaky-faced.
Bobby's! Sam's ready to go but Dean is drinking and thinks there's no use in trying cos they can't make Cass do anything. Dean then gets on to Sam about his hallucinations. Sam didn't see any reason to tell Dean about them because he has control over them and there's nothing they can do about them anyway.
Dean comes across a news report of Cass' campaign office massacre on the internet. Looking at the footage Dean really thinks there's no point in helping Cass now. 
Sam goes out to Bobby's Used Car Cemetery to try to appeal to Cass. He comes back in to find Dean watching Asian cartoon porn. Cass enters bloody as a motherfuck. He tells them he needs help. Uh. Duh. 
Pee break!

Lab! Cass tells Sam to get a jar of blood from the supply closet in the hall. Sam hauls ass to get it. Ah, our old friends the Corridors of Doom!
Back to Cass, Dean and Bobby. Cass tells Dean that he regrets what he did to them. Dean tells Cass that he should. Cass wants to make amends before he bites the big one. 
Corridors of Doom! Sam finds the jar, turns around to go back to the lab and Holy Balls! comes face to face with Lucifer! Sam thinks this is just another one of his hallucinations. But Lucifer tells Sam that he's not hallucinating. He tells Sam that it was impossible to escape the cage and he thinks this is his best torture yet, making Sam think that he's free and then yanking him back. Lucifer tells Sam that he never left, he's still in the cage and everything else is actually the hallucination. 
Back to Cass, Dean and Bobby. Dean goes to find Sam. Instead he finds the jar of blood in the hall. Dean goes back to the lab. They create the door with the blood and Bobby starts reading the spell. Cass falls. Dean picks him up. The door starts glowing. Cass apologizes to Dean. The door starts breaking. Light flows out of Cass' chest. Cass falls to the floor. 
More commercials.

Bobby feels Cass and says he's cold and he's not breathing. He tells Dean that Cass is gone. 
But Cass suddenly wakes up. His blistery marks heal. Bobby and Dean help him up. Cass says he's ashamed of his power trippin'. He promises Dean he'll redeem himself. 
Suddenly Cass pushes Dean and Bobby away from him and tells them to run, he can't hold them back. Dean asks "hold who back?"
Cass says they held on inside him. The leviathan. Cass gets all spazzy and jerky. Dean tells Bobby to go find Sam. Bobby goes to leave but Cass tells them it's too late.
The leviathan as Cass inform Dean that the Cass he knew is dead now. Then LeviaCass throws Dean and Bobby across the room. 
LeviaCass says this is gonna be so much fun and a black veiny thing forms up his neck.

Next time on Supernatural...
Shit gets all mind trippy when Lucifer shows Sam that last year may have all just been in his noggin. Also known as--- confusing as fuck.

So first episode back, what did y'all think? Feel free to fangirl it up in the comments section.

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